General Fan Fiction Thread

Any general discussion regarding fan-created works of the Dragon Ball franchise, including AMVs, fan-art, fan-fiction, etc.

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Kanassa
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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Kanassa » Fri Aug 18, 2017 4:01 pm

ekrolo2 wrote:My stance on transformations when writing fan fics: figure out a way to include 4 somehow.
You need four entire transformations? :D
When Super apparently shoves Goku down our throats:

Kanassa wrote:
FoolsGil wrote:I hope Mark is dead. But chances are the dragonballs will bring his stupid ass back. :D
- FoolsGil, Out of Context, 2017

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by ekrolo2 » Fri Aug 18, 2017 4:03 pm

Kanassa wrote:
ekrolo2 wrote:My stance on transformations when writing fan fics: figure out a way to include 4 somehow.
You need four entire transformations? :D
Well shit, I set myself up for that one :P

But in all seriousness, 4s the one I like the most and a lot of comes down to Nakatsuru ACTUALLY making a design in contrast to all the others that have next to no real thought put into them. The only one where Toriyama actually seemed to sit down and think through was God what with it being slim, youthful and very close to Base.
When someone tells you, "Don't present your opinion as fact," what they're actually saying is, "Don't present your opinion with any conviction. Because I don't like your opinion, and I want to be able to dismiss it as easily as possible." Don't fall for it.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Kanassa » Fri Aug 18, 2017 4:05 pm

ekrolo2 wrote:
Kanassa wrote:
ekrolo2 wrote:My stance on transformations when writing fan fics: figure out a way to include 4 somehow.
You need four entire transformations? :D
Well shit, I set myself up for that one :P

But in all seriousness, 4s the one I like the most and a lot of comes down to Nakatsuru ACTUALLY making a design in contrast to all the others that have next to no real thought put into them. The only one where Toriyama actually seemed to sit down and think through was God what with it being slim, youthful and very close to Base.
I'd say less, include SS4 and more take note of what went into SS4 if you decide to create a transformation. How the design and method for achieving it tie into the character/species.
When Super apparently shoves Goku down our throats:

Kanassa wrote:
FoolsGil wrote:I hope Mark is dead. But chances are the dragonballs will bring his stupid ass back. :D
- FoolsGil, Out of Context, 2017

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Doctor. » Fri Aug 18, 2017 4:23 pm

ekrolo2 wrote:My stance on transformations when writing fan fics: figure out a way to include 4 somehow.
One of my ideas for a rewrite was retconning Super Saiyan only for pure-bloods. The half-breeds would have to control Oozaru and turn into "SS4", which would have a lower multiplier than SS1 but the fact that they get stronger much quicker than pure-blooded Saiyans helped even that out.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by ekrolo2 » Fri Aug 18, 2017 4:27 pm

Doctor. wrote:
ekrolo2 wrote:My stance on transformations when writing fan fics: figure out a way to include 4 somehow.
One of my ideas for a rewrite was retconning Super Saiyan only for pure-bloods. The half-breeds would have to control Oozaru and turn into "SS4", which would have a lower multiplier than SS1 but the fact that they get stronger much quicker than pure-blooded Saiyans helped even that out.
That could work what with Gohan's Earthling half apparently giving him enough reasoning power to go after Vegeta whereas Goku could never discern friend from foe. I assume full bloods, even with great control, would always be too wild to "compress" Oozaru into 4?
When someone tells you, "Don't present your opinion as fact," what they're actually saying is, "Don't present your opinion with any conviction. Because I don't like your opinion, and I want to be able to dismiss it as easily as possible." Don't fall for it.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Doctor. » Fri Aug 18, 2017 4:30 pm

ekrolo2 wrote:
Doctor. wrote:
ekrolo2 wrote:My stance on transformations when writing fan fics: figure out a way to include 4 somehow.
One of my ideas for a rewrite was retconning Super Saiyan only for pure-bloods. The half-breeds would have to control Oozaru and turn into "SS4", which would have a lower multiplier than SS1 but the fact that they get stronger much quicker than pure-blooded Saiyans helped even that out.
That could work what with Gohan's Earthling half apparently giving him enough reasoning power to go after Vegeta whereas Goku could never discern friend from foe. I assume full bloods, even with great control, would always be too wild to "compress" Oozaru into 4?
That's the idea, yeah, though it would be hard to explain (and kinda arbitrary) why someone with complete control over Oozaru, like Vegeta, couldn't turn into SS4.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Kanassa » Fri Aug 18, 2017 4:53 pm

Doctor. wrote:
ekrolo2 wrote:
Doctor. wrote: One of my ideas for a rewrite was retconning Super Saiyan only for pure-bloods. The half-breeds would have to control Oozaru and turn into "SS4", which would have a lower multiplier than SS1 but the fact that they get stronger much quicker than pure-blooded Saiyans helped even that out.
That could work what with Gohan's Earthling half apparently giving him enough reasoning power to go after Vegeta whereas Goku could never discern friend from foe. I assume full bloods, even with great control, would always be too wild to "compress" Oozaru into 4?
That's the idea, yeah, though it would be hard to explain (and kinda arbitrary) why someone with complete control over Oozaru, like Vegeta, couldn't turn into SS4.
Well, if Super Saiyan is a pureblood-only thing, then maybe 'SS4' would be a half-breed only thing. I mean, outside of it's name, SS4 isn't really Super Saiyan
When Super apparently shoves Goku down our throats:

Kanassa wrote:
FoolsGil wrote:I hope Mark is dead. But chances are the dragonballs will bring his stupid ass back. :D
- FoolsGil, Out of Context, 2017

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by FoolsGil » Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:42 pm

It was a long time coming, but Dragonball Exiles Chapter One is Finally Up

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12622894/1 ... all-Exiles

Myself, ShadowBardock89, and Jcogginsa worked on this together, check it out, I hope you like it.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Kanassa » Mon Aug 21, 2017 11:55 pm

FoolsGil wrote:It was a long time coming, but Dragonball Exiles Chapter One is Finally Up

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12622894/1 ... all-Exiles

Myself, ShadowBardock89, and Jcogginsa worked on this together, check it out, I hope you like it.
If I had to describe the feel of this opening chapter, I'd say it's akin to a pilot episode of a 12 episode TV series. It feels constrained by a time/word limit and has to rush through to introduce everybody, their backstories and the premise as fast as it could. The scenes felt rather disjointed, with the first few scenes of the Heroes getting teleported feeling especially tacked on. I feel we shouldn't have those introduction scenes yet, I feel like this should have opened with Trunks waking up and introducing the whole premise, then save those 'How we got here' scenes for later so you can naturally delve into each characters backstory. We also have a lot of 'told' chemistry and character traits.

The pacing is also an issue, very quick, a pace that hits you with information so fast your only reaction is "Wait, what?". Breaking the flow.

But the scene with Trunks going 100 years into the future was rather well executed. The scene is given the time it needs, it's given breathing room for the reader to get into it and the characters it's using. Using the emotion and tragedy of the scene to great effect. There was some awkward patches (The way exposition is handled here seems clunky) in the scene, but overall it was pretty good and got me invested in Trunks's character.

Also, good to see that Trunks has fully embraced his attraction to older woman! :D

Overall, there's a lot to improve, but there's a lot of gems to find. It definitely makes me want to find out more about what's going on, and what's different for your OC team.
When Super apparently shoves Goku down our throats:

Kanassa wrote:
FoolsGil wrote:I hope Mark is dead. But chances are the dragonballs will bring his stupid ass back. :D
- FoolsGil, Out of Context, 2017

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by FoolsGil » Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:10 am

Thanks for the review. We'll definitely do what we can to improve pacing, jargon, and showing off the character traits & chemistry, and glad you enjoyed Trunks' tragic flashback.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Kanassa » Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:17 am

FoolsGil wrote:Thanks for the review. We'll definitely do what we can to improve pacing, jargon, and showing off the character traits & chemistry, and glad you enjoyed Trunks' tragic flashback.
My biggest advice would be to ask yourself if you can offer the readers anything more by holding on a scene, maybe a moment very telling of the character, even the littlest of things can add plenty to a story and make each scene very valuable.
When Super apparently shoves Goku down our throats:

Kanassa wrote:
FoolsGil wrote:I hope Mark is dead. But chances are the dragonballs will bring his stupid ass back. :D
- FoolsGil, Out of Context, 2017

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by ekrolo2 » Tue Aug 22, 2017 6:19 am

FoolsGil wrote:Thanks for the review. We'll definitely do what we can to improve pacing, jargon, and showing off the character traits & chemistry, and glad you enjoyed Trunks' tragic flashback.
You also need a better description for the story if you want to get more readers. Just saying who wrote it isn't gonna get much attention, you need a synopsis to hook people.
When someone tells you, "Don't present your opinion as fact," what they're actually saying is, "Don't present your opinion with any conviction. Because I don't like your opinion, and I want to be able to dismiss it as easily as possible." Don't fall for it.

How the Black Arc Should End (by Lightbing!):

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by FoolsGil » Tue Aug 22, 2017 8:24 am

ekrolo2 wrote: You also need a better description for the story if you want to get more readers. Just saying who wrote it isn't gonna get much attention, you need a synopsis to hook people.
I think I can swing that.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Rubens » Wed Aug 23, 2017 2:51 pm

Hi everyone, so... I was thinking: I have this latent desire to put out my fanfiction (the one on my sig) but the problem is that, on one hand, I don't see how I'll ever have the time to actually try to write it and on the other hand, I don't see myself with time and patience to work on my (lack) of writing skills. The point is, I've been considering the idea of doing something like Toriyama has been doing: basically I provide the outlines of the story to any possibly interested volunteer(s) who could write those chapters for me (and of course being credited for it), with the freedom to write it their own way by following that base script. Also, I think it would be interesting if those chapters were written by different people.

I pretty much have to whole base story thought out although, eventually, details can be discussed to improve the story, providing they don't affect its core. Would there be anyone interested to join this type of project? Preferably whoever likes earthling characters :D
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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Kanassa » Wed Aug 23, 2017 3:18 pm

Rubens wrote:Hi everyone, so... I was thinking: I have this latent desire to put out my fanfiction (the one on my sig) but the problem is that, on one hand, I don't see how I'll ever have the time to actually try to write it and on the other hand, I don't see myself with time and patience to work on my (lack) of writing skills. The point is, I've been considering the idea of doing something like Toriyama has been doing: basically I provide the outlines of the story to any possibly interested volunteer(s) who could write those chapters for me (and of course being credited for it), with the freedom to write it their own way by following that base script. Also, I think it would be interesting if those chapters were written by different people.

I pretty much have to whole base story thought out although, eventually, details can be discussed to improve the story, providing they don't affect its core. Would there be anyone interested to join this type of project? Preferably whoever likes earthling characters :D
That sounds like an interesting experiment, seeing how different writers carry out the same outline.
When Super apparently shoves Goku down our throats:

Kanassa wrote:
FoolsGil wrote:I hope Mark is dead. But chances are the dragonballs will bring his stupid ass back. :D
- FoolsGil, Out of Context, 2017

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Doctor. » Wed Aug 23, 2017 4:47 pm

Gonna actually plug this one since I had fun writing this and it actually seems like there's a big chance I'll finish it for once.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by ekrolo2 » Thu Aug 24, 2017 3:26 pm

I've got an idea for another short story in a similar vein to Yamcha & Ox-King Save the World: Bulma & Pilaf Save the Multiverse!

Basically, since the mortal level of the ToP has more to do with how well civilizations evolve and prosper under the guidance of their respective gods I figured: why not make the competition about this? Instead of getting the strongest people to punch one another, Zeno and Grand Priest give everyone 2 days worth of time to create a single invention of unparalleled value & significance, the universe that creates the best, most advanced, most useful invention, gets to survive and gets a wish on the Super DBs. And so *drum roll* it's up to Bulma and Pilaf, the greatest scientific minds in U7 to save the multiverse!
When someone tells you, "Don't present your opinion as fact," what they're actually saying is, "Don't present your opinion with any conviction. Because I don't like your opinion, and I want to be able to dismiss it as easily as possible." Don't fall for it.

How the Black Arc Should End (by Lightbing!):

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Kanassa » Tue Aug 29, 2017 4:41 pm

So, reaching 100k in words on my fanfic (Which according to Microsoft Word makes it 155 pages) made me think of a question. Do you guys ever look back on your early chapters to see just how much has actually happened in your story? Do you ever feel like you've been hanging back on a broken train or whizzing past every plot point like a rocket?

To be honest, I think I'm in a broken down train being pulled back by a mutated pink elephant now that I think about it.
When Super apparently shoves Goku down our throats:

Kanassa wrote:
FoolsGil wrote:I hope Mark is dead. But chances are the dragonballs will bring his stupid ass back. :D
- FoolsGil, Out of Context, 2017

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Gog » Tue Aug 29, 2017 4:46 pm

Kanassa wrote:So, reaching 100k in words on my fanfic (Which according to Microsoft Word makes it 155 pages) made me think of a question. Do you guys ever look back on your early chapters to see just how much has actually happened in your story? Do you ever feel like you've been hanging back on a broken train or whizzing past every plot point like a rocket?

To be honest, I think I'm in a broken down train being pulled back by a mutated pink elephant now that I think about it.
Yes. But, have more faith in your fan fiction, I'd say your story is paced well. Hell, sometimes I just want your story to stop building up everything and get straight to the main plot. It's definitely no broken down train being pulled along by a Pink Mutated Elephant.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Alruneia » Tue Aug 29, 2017 4:48 pm

Kanassa wrote:So, reaching 100k in words on my fanfic (Which according to Microsoft Word makes it 155 pages) made me think of a question. Do you guys ever look back on your early chapters to see just how much has actually happened in your story? Do you ever feel like you've been hanging back on a broken train or whizzing past every plot point like a rocket?

To be honest, I think I'm in a broken down train being pulled back by a mutated pink elephant now that I think about it.
Congratulations! (~140k and ~220 pages myself.)
Whenever I look back to the very beginning I kinda just feel embarrassed. I've learned, and my storytelling and plot idea have changed, so much over the three years I've been working on it (I go slow, what can I say). There's a stark contrast between the quality of the first two arcs and the next two arcs (which I'm just now finishing up), so much so that I'm going to rewrite the beginning. As far as going from plot point to plot point is concerned, though, I think I've had a roughly consistent pace, even if that pace is slightly slow. I can't really complain (of course there's bias, but still).
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