2nd Kanzenshuu Short Story - Tenkaichi Budokai

[LightBing]

I liked your story DragonDuck. Piccolo's characterization is on point. A bit of rational despair and confused feelings. The story does feel a bit rushed, consequence of the deadline I imagine. Overall it's a nice dwelling into Piccolo mind, which makes for a nice story. Oh, you abused the "and". You have to change that.
Last advice, practice and revision (kinda applies to all of us). Your story's suffered due to the deadline, I saw potential in them. But you delivered them, so congratulations Champion!

[DragonDuck]

Whow ... that was pretty unexpected! I'm pretty surprised that nobody delivered their stories, but that being said, I'm happy that I won! It was great to be in the tournament and read and critique everyone's stories, while also getting constructive criticism for your own stories. I definately learnt a lot from both your stories and your critiques, and I will keep it in mind for next time.

[jcogginsa]

If we do this again, It may be a good idea to use Characters instead of Themes

[supercat]

Didn't get a chance to provide feedback until now, but candidly speaking, DragonDuck's story wasn't at all impressive.

First and foremost, I felt your depiction of Piccolo's thoughts weren't really in line with what he would actually be thinking during that year he spent training. Additionally, how you worded certain parts really hindered its delivery in my opinion; not to mention, I think I recall seeing some unnecessary commas in there as well. While the story had some depth (primarily due to the fact that it was based on a deep scene), I felt that it wasn't really final-worthy. But hey, these are all just opinions.

Based on what I've seen from the other two contestants' past entries, I'm pretty sure the outcome would have been different had their stories been submitted.

As for anyone looking to host another tournament in the near future, the absurdly strict time limit is a joke in my opinion. Perhaps structuring some guidelines with better feasibility should be considered, as this will greatly assist in separating the mind-blowing stories from the ones that aren't. Advancing someone by default sort of defeats the purpose of even holding a competition, as people have different schedules that yield varying amounts of time to divert towards recreational activities / hobbies. Isn't the end all objective to identify a winner based on the artistry and caliber of a story rather than how much free time one has to allocate?

[Kamiccolo9]

Wanted to offer a belated congratulations to Dragon Duck here, and to apologize for missing the deadline. Been going through a bunch of real life stuff with teaching and research and moving since the beginning of the year, and its cut into my free time. I'd still be up for another of these in the future, although it would be nice to have a bigger turnout.