General Fan Fiction Thread

Any general discussion regarding fan-created works of the Dragon Ball franchise, including AMVs, fan-art, fan-fiction, etc.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Jackalope89 » Sun Aug 12, 2018 8:13 pm

TheGodfather93 wrote:
Jackalope89 wrote:Have you ever come across a story with a pretty good idea, but the execution is just painful to read? Be it typos, bad grammar, poor paragraphing, or mischaracterization?
Yes, and it's honestly tragic. In all my years reading fanfiction, I have come across several stories with fantastic premises that are 100k+ words long (which I prefer), that I just couldn't get into because of the way there were written.

To list an example, there was a Pokemon fic I found a while back that had an amazing concept, but switched between third person and first person POV in its writing. Even though the POV switches were clearly defined by breaks in the writing, as someone who likes writing to be consistent, this was a huge turn off for me. I simply couldn't continue past the first chapter.

Poor grammar is also something I can find hard to deal with, but unless the grammar is absolutely atrocious, I can look past it if the story itself is interesting. In these instances, I like to mention that in my reviews in the hope that the writer will make an effort to improve.

Mischaracterisation, however, is something I can't stand, and I've had to drop multiple fics because of it. In the DB and Naruto fandoms in particular, some characters get so much hate that the writers go out of their way to grossly exaggerate their flaws, and even create new ones on top of them, just so they have more ammunition to bash them. I know this is fanfiction in the end, but I still find it incredibly petty and immature. Chi-Chi is a frequent victim of this.
Yeah. A recent Dragon Ball Super fic I came across used the recently aired dubbed episode where Gohan is doing the Great Saiyaman movie, with the jerkwad Barry Kahn interfering. The fic takes place after it, and using Barry's pettiness, the author has him hire some mercenaries, steal the Dragon Radar, and wish on Shenron to banish Gohan, Videl, and Pan somewhere where they won't be found.

So far, it wasn't bad. The wording was a bit stiff, but no real complaints. But, the author sent them to what seemed to be a version of the DC Animated Universe (Justice League Unlimited and what not). That, in and of itself was not the issue. But the characterization of the DC characters and forced conflict when they arrive was bad.

Stories like these, I get the sudden urge to write my own version and/or blast them in the review.

I don't do either as 1. I have enough on my plate as it is and 2. I don't like to leave solely negative reviews, else I tend to rant and regret them later.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Gokitalo » Sun Aug 19, 2018 4:39 pm

TheGodfather93 wrote:
To list an example, there was a Pokemon fic I found a while back that had an amazing concept, but switched between third person and first person POV in its writing. Even though the POV switches were clearly defined by breaks in the writing, as someone who likes writing to be consistent, this was a huge turn off for me. I simply couldn't continue past the first chapter.
I don't mind this so much, actually, so long as it's done to create a certain effect. The book Born on the Fourth of July (which the film with Tom Cruise was based off of) would switch from first to third person-- I think it changed POVs for the flashbacks, although I could be misremembering-- and it worked really well. The third-person passages usually dealt with the main character's experiences as a soldier, creating an almost depersonalizing effect: as if the protagonist was trying to distance himself from his actions.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by ekrolo2 » Sun Aug 26, 2018 4:04 pm

Is anyone else annoyed when they think they've got a good premise and realize there's nothing there but an excuse for fights to happen?
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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Alruneia » Sun Aug 26, 2018 4:20 pm

ekrolo2 wrote:Is anyone else annoyed when they think they've got a good premise and realize there's nothing there but an excuse for fights to happen?
If I get into that mindset, I just think back to how the Cell arc could've been prevented had the Z Fighters just gone with Bulma's suggestion. Of course, I also try to have better plots than the stupidity-driven plot of the Cell arc, so it doesn't help completely, but it goes to show that even the original Dragon Ball was like that sometimes, so it's "fine" in a way.
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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by ekrolo2 » Sun Aug 26, 2018 4:25 pm

Alruneia wrote:
ekrolo2 wrote:Is anyone else annoyed when they think they've got a good premise and realize there's nothing there but an excuse for fights to happen?
If I get into that mindset, I just think back to how the Cell arc could've been prevented had the Z Fighters just gone with Bulma's suggestion. Of course, I also try to have better plots than the stupidity-driven plot of the Cell arc, so it doesn't help completely, but it goes to show that even the original Dragon Ball was like that sometimes, so it's "fine" in a way.
That's the scene that always makes me not go for it. I can accept things advancing because of plot but it personally irks me when its so glaring, y'know?
When someone tells you, "Don't present your opinion as fact," what they're actually saying is, "Don't present your opinion with any conviction. Because I don't like your opinion, and I want to be able to dismiss it as easily as possible." Don't fall for it.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Alruneia » Sun Aug 26, 2018 4:40 pm

ekrolo2 wrote:
Alruneia wrote:
ekrolo2 wrote:Is anyone else annoyed when they think they've got a good premise and realize there's nothing there but an excuse for fights to happen?
If I get into that mindset, I just think back to how the Cell arc could've been prevented had the Z Fighters just gone with Bulma's suggestion. Of course, I also try to have better plots than the stupidity-driven plot of the Cell arc, so it doesn't help completely, but it goes to show that even the original Dragon Ball was like that sometimes, so it's "fine" in a way.
That's the scene that always makes me not go for it. I can accept things advancing because of plot but it personally irks me when its so glaring, y'know?
I can definitely understand that approach too, it makes sense to not want to make the same mistakes. This is still Dragon Ball, though, so biting the bullet and just writing a bit of "forced plot" might be better than throwing a premise away entirely.
(I've thrown away a lot of premises that are in the end just fighting excuses myself when planning/writing Action Blue. I guess my approach to my JoJo fanfic is just a bit stricter than my approach to my DB fanfic.)
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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by ekrolo2 » Sun Aug 26, 2018 5:01 pm

Alruneia wrote:
ekrolo2 wrote:
Alruneia wrote: If I get into that mindset, I just think back to how the Cell arc could've been prevented had the Z Fighters just gone with Bulma's suggestion. Of course, I also try to have better plots than the stupidity-driven plot of the Cell arc, so it doesn't help completely, but it goes to show that even the original Dragon Ball was like that sometimes, so it's "fine" in a way.
That's the scene that always makes me not go for it. I can accept things advancing because of plot but it personally irks me when its so glaring, y'know?
I can definitely understand that approach too, it makes sense to not want to make the same mistakes. This is still Dragon Ball, though, so biting the bullet and just writing a bit of "forced plot" might be better than throwing a premise away entirely.
(I've thrown away a lot of premises that are in the end just fighting excuses myself when planning/writing Action Blue. I guess my approach to my JoJo fanfic is just a bit stricter than my approach to my DB fanfic.)
I guess I just want even my trashiest stuff to have something worthwhile there :P
When someone tells you, "Don't present your opinion as fact," what they're actually saying is, "Don't present your opinion with any conviction. Because I don't like your opinion, and I want to be able to dismiss it as easily as possible." Don't fall for it.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Kanassa » Sun Aug 26, 2018 6:13 pm

ekrolo2 wrote:Is anyone else annoyed when they think they've got a good premise and realize there's nothing there but an excuse for fights to happen?
Really, almost any piece of fiction is an excuse for 'x' to happen, the job of a writer is to make it less easy to see.
When Super apparently shoves Goku down our throats:


Obligitory Fan Fic Plug: Dragon Ball - Another Road
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FoolsGil wrote:I hope Mark is dead. But chances are the dragonballs will bring his stupid ass back. :D
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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by ekrolo2 » Wed Sep 05, 2018 11:13 am

For anyone who's watched RWBY, I've started a cross over with it where Goku from before meeting Bulma is sent to Remnant.

Down the line I'd like for him to develop Aura instead of Ki and that means developing a Semblance, a unique Aura ability but I'm not sure what to do with it.

The first idea is similar to the Ultra Divine Water Potential Umlock: Goku can power himself to access Oozaru power without turning into one. Possibly with him later developing a SS4-style form as a further enhancement.

Another idea is his incomplete Sblance letting him access some Super Saiyan power in Base (similar to what he does in the Other world Tournament and GT) with SS1 being the completed version.
When someone tells you, "Don't present your opinion as fact," what they're actually saying is, "Don't present your opinion with any conviction. Because I don't like your opinion, and I want to be able to dismiss it as easily as possible." Don't fall for it.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Vertical » Wed Sep 05, 2018 12:15 pm

ekrolo2 wrote:For anyone who's watched RWBY, I've started a cross over with it where Goku from before meeting Bulma is sent to Remnant.

Down the line I'd like for him to develop Aura instead of Ki and that means developing a Semblance, a unique Aura ability but I'm not sure what to do with it.

The first idea is similar to the Ultra Divine Water Potential Umlock: Goku can power himself to access Oozaru power without turning into one. Possibly with him later developing a SS4-style form as a further enhancement.

Another idea is his incomplete Sblance letting him access some Super Saiyan power in Base (similar to what he does in the Other world Tournament and GT) with SS1 being the completed version.
Why not simply make Oozaru his Semblance?

The transformation makes him bigger and stronger but it also has flaws (too big, awkward, uncontrolled)... which could lead to stages of development like learning to control it (like Vegeta), and eventually evolving it (into something like Super Saiyan 4).

It's interesting and unique enough. You could also justify it as a hereditary Semblance, similar to the Schnee family.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Kanassa » Wed Sep 05, 2018 1:36 pm

Vertical wrote:
ekrolo2 wrote:For anyone who's watched RWBY, I've started a cross over with it where Goku from before meeting Bulma is sent to Remnant.

Down the line I'd like for him to develop Aura instead of Ki and that means developing a Semblance, a unique Aura ability but I'm not sure what to do with it.

The first idea is similar to the Ultra Divine Water Potential Umlock: Goku can power himself to access Oozaru power without turning into one. Possibly with him later developing a SS4-style form as a further enhancement.

Another idea is his incomplete Sblance letting him access some Super Saiyan power in Base (similar to what he does in the Other world Tournament and GT) with SS1 being the completed version.
Why not simply make Oozaru his Semblance?

The transformation makes him bigger and stronger but it also has flaws (too big, awkward, uncontrolled)... which could lead to stages of development like learning to control it (like Vegeta), and eventually evolving it (into something like Super Saiyan 4).

It's interesting and unique enough. You could also justify it as a hereditary Semblance, similar to the Schnee family.
But I thought every person's semblance was unique...
When Super apparently shoves Goku down our throats:


Obligitory Fan Fic Plug: Dragon Ball - Another Road
Kanassa wrote:
FoolsGil wrote:I hope Mark is dead. But chances are the dragonballs will bring his stupid ass back. :D
- FoolsGil, Out of Context, 2017

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by ekrolo2 » Wed Sep 05, 2018 2:33 pm

Vertical wrote:
ekrolo2 wrote:For anyone who's watched RWBY, I've started a cross over with it where Goku from before meeting Bulma is sent to Remnant.

Down the line I'd like for him to develop Aura instead of Ki and that means developing a Semblance, a unique Aura ability but I'm not sure what to do with it.

The first idea is similar to the Ultra Divine Water Potential Umlock: Goku can power himself to access Oozaru power without turning into one. Possibly with him later developing a SS4-style form as a further enhancement.

Another idea is his incomplete Sblance letting him access some Super Saiyan power in Base (similar to what he does in the Other world Tournament and GT) with SS1 being the completed version.
Why not simply make Oozaru his Semblance?

The transformation makes him bigger and stronger but it also has flaws (too big, awkward, uncontrolled)... which could lead to stages of development like learning to control it (like Vegeta), and eventually evolving it (into something like Super Saiyan 4).

It's interesting and unique enough. You could also justify it as a hereditary Semblance, similar to the Schnee family.
Straight up Oozaru is problematic because you need a full moon to do it, which is hard since RWBYs is broken, and because there's no way Goku doesn't get snatched up and used as a weapon of mass destruction against his will. Which is why I'm looking for alternatives to it.
When someone tells you, "Don't present your opinion as fact," what they're actually saying is, "Don't present your opinion with any conviction. Because I don't like your opinion, and I want to be able to dismiss it as easily as possible." Don't fall for it.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Vertical » Wed Sep 05, 2018 3:03 pm

Kanassa wrote:But I thought every person's semblance was unique...
Apparently some are hereditary...

"Semblance is the manifestation of one's innate and personal power as an ability unique to each individual, with the effects varying greatly from user to user. The nature of one's Semblance is noted as representing an aspect of their character. However, a person's Semblance can be similar to the Semblances of their parents or other family members. For instance, the Schnee family Semblance, summoning glyphs, is completely hereditary."

This is all second hand information to me though as I believe I only watched the first 2 seasons of RWBY, as they were released.

ekrolo2 wrote:Straight up Oozaru is problematic because you need a full moon to do it, which is hard since RWBYs is broken, and because there's no way Goku doesn't get snatched up and used as a weapon of mass destruction against his will. Which is why I'm looking for alternatives to it.
Well, it depends on how much you're keeping from the Dragon Ball universe.

If you're already ditching Ki as an internal energy, then why stop there? Unless you plan to have Ki still be a thing but Goku never learns how to harness it (and no one ever has in that Universe)... or you believe Ki to be a universal source of energy in the DBUniverse that characters draw upon. <shrug>

If the moon is the problem, then write around it like Vegeta did in the Saiyan arc. And Goku being snatched up? If he's powerful enough to be a target, is he then too strong to be contained/used? If he's not too powerful for that, then why target him at all? Or you could write it as something the crew discovers/experiences and tries to keep a secret for that very reason... even to the point where Goku is taught or creates a false-Semblance.. something akin to Kaioken, where he forces his body beyond it's limits momentarily to be faster/stronger.

My point is, if you want to use Oozaru there's always a way. Every problem can be written around. Every single one.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Kanassa » Wed Sep 05, 2018 5:26 pm

Vertical wrote:
Kanassa wrote:But I thought every person's semblance was unique...
Apparently some are hereditary...

"Semblance is the manifestation of one's innate and personal power as an ability unique to each individual, with the effects varying greatly from user to user. The nature of one's Semblance is noted as representing an aspect of their character. However, a person's Semblance can be similar to the Semblances of their parents or other family members. For instance, the Schnee family Semblance, summoning glyphs, is completely hereditary."

This is all second hand information to me though as I believe I only watched the first 2 seasons of RWBY, as they were released.
The show only ever states that every person's semblance is unique. It's just that season 3 showed that the Schnee's have the same semblance, so fanon was made up to explain that somehow a soul can be hereditary.
When Super apparently shoves Goku down our throats:


Obligitory Fan Fic Plug: Dragon Ball - Another Road
Kanassa wrote:
FoolsGil wrote:I hope Mark is dead. But chances are the dragonballs will bring his stupid ass back. :D
- FoolsGil, Out of Context, 2017

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by ekrolo2 » Wed Sep 05, 2018 7:39 pm

Kanassa wrote:
Vertical wrote:
Kanassa wrote:But I thought every person's semblance was unique...
Apparently some are hereditary...

"Semblance is the manifestation of one's innate and personal power as an ability unique to each individual, with the effects varying greatly from user to user. The nature of one's Semblance is noted as representing an aspect of their character. However, a person's Semblance can be similar to the Semblances of their parents or other family members. For instance, the Schnee family Semblance, summoning glyphs, is completely hereditary."

This is all second hand information to me though as I believe I only watched the first 2 seasons of RWBY, as they were released.
The show only ever states that every person's semblance is unique. It's just that season 3 showed that the Schnee's have the same semblance, so fanon was made up to explain that somehow a soul can be hereditary.
I never got how the uniqueness thing is supposed to work. What, nobody ever had super speed before Ruby? Or the ability to power up from damage or hiding from Grimm or any number of fairly obvious powers?

I could understand some outlandish ones being rare like some form of time manipulation but super speed is about as banal as it gets yet they expect me to believe Ruby is the first and only one who'll have it?
When someone tells you, "Don't present your opinion as fact," what they're actually saying is, "Don't present your opinion with any conviction. Because I don't like your opinion, and I want to be able to dismiss it as easily as possible." Don't fall for it.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Kanassa » Wed Sep 05, 2018 7:49 pm

ekrolo2 wrote:
Kanassa wrote:
Vertical wrote: Apparently some are hereditary...

"Semblance is the manifestation of one's innate and personal power as an ability unique to each individual, with the effects varying greatly from user to user. The nature of one's Semblance is noted as representing an aspect of their character. However, a person's Semblance can be similar to the Semblances of their parents or other family members. For instance, the Schnee family Semblance, summoning glyphs, is completely hereditary."

This is all second hand information to me though as I believe I only watched the first 2 seasons of RWBY, as they were released.
The show only ever states that every person's semblance is unique. It's just that season 3 showed that the Schnee's have the same semblance, so fanon was made up to explain that somehow a soul can be hereditary.
I never got how the uniqueness thing is supposed to work. What, nobody ever had super speed before Ruby? Or the ability to power up from damage or hiding from Grimm or any number of fairly obvious powers?

I could understand some outlandish ones being rare like some form of time manipulation but super speed is about as banal as it gets yet they expect me to believe Ruby is the first and only one who'll have it?
The show is rather confused on if Ruby's speed is her power or just a side effect of her power (The rose petals are supposed to be her semblance)...
This is the same universe where the ability to warp reality or space is considered 'meh' while turning into a bird is 'MY GAWD, ITS DA DEVIL!'. WHich on that point would make Goku being able to transform as a semblance not work since apparently, THAT'S off limits.
When Super apparently shoves Goku down our throats:


Obligitory Fan Fic Plug: Dragon Ball - Another Road
Kanassa wrote:
FoolsGil wrote:I hope Mark is dead. But chances are the dragonballs will bring his stupid ass back. :D
- FoolsGil, Out of Context, 2017

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by ekrolo2 » Wed Sep 05, 2018 7:55 pm

Kanassa wrote:The show is rather confused on if Ruby's speed is her power or just a side effect of her power (The rose petals are supposed to be her semblance)...
This is the same universe where the ability to warp reality or space is considered 'meh' while turning into a bird is 'MY GAWD, ITS DA DEVIL!'. WHich on that point would make Goku being able to transform as a semblance not work since apparently, THAT'S off limits.
Goku's a special case as he comes from a species that's all about transforming, most of which do little more than change his hair color and that's a thing that happens to Yang. Even SS4 just gives him extra fur which is much less impressive than Illia changing her skin color or some of them having retractable claws.
When someone tells you, "Don't present your opinion as fact," what they're actually saying is, "Don't present your opinion with any conviction. Because I don't like your opinion, and I want to be able to dismiss it as easily as possible." Don't fall for it.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Kanassa » Wed Sep 05, 2018 7:57 pm

ekrolo2 wrote:
Kanassa wrote:The show is rather confused on if Ruby's speed is her power or just a side effect of her power (The rose petals are supposed to be her semblance)...
This is the same universe where the ability to warp reality or space is considered 'meh' while turning into a bird is 'MY GAWD, ITS DA DEVIL!'. WHich on that point would make Goku being able to transform as a semblance not work since apparently, THAT'S off limits.
Goku's a special case as he comes from a species that's all about transforming, most of which do little more than change his hair color and that's a thing that happens to Yang. Even SS4 just gives him extra fur which is much less impressive than Illia changing her skin color or some of them having retractable claws.
Yeah, but having one that turns him into a giant monkey or giving him fur isn't something a Semblance should be able to do (I'm not saying it makes sense, I'm just saying that's a piece of the canon now, so it's your decision if you want to throw that away). Faunus traits are different.
When Super apparently shoves Goku down our throats:


Obligitory Fan Fic Plug: Dragon Ball - Another Road
Kanassa wrote:
FoolsGil wrote:I hope Mark is dead. But chances are the dragonballs will bring his stupid ass back. :D
- FoolsGil, Out of Context, 2017

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by ekrolo2 » Wed Sep 05, 2018 8:03 pm

Kanassa wrote:
ekrolo2 wrote:
Kanassa wrote:The show is rather confused on if Ruby's speed is her power or just a side effect of her power (The rose petals are supposed to be her semblance)...
This is the same universe where the ability to warp reality or space is considered 'meh' while turning into a bird is 'MY GAWD, ITS DA DEVIL!'. WHich on that point would make Goku being able to transform as a semblance not work since apparently, THAT'S off limits.
Goku's a special case as he comes from a species that's all about transforming, most of which do little more than change his hair color and that's a thing that happens to Yang. Even SS4 just gives him extra fur which is much less impressive than Illia changing her skin color or some of them having retractable claws.
Yeah, but having one that turns him into a giant monkey or giving him fur isn't something a Semblance should be able to do (I'm not saying it makes sense, I'm just saying that's a piece of the canon now, so it's your decision if you want to throw that away). Faunus traits are different.
Oozaru being a Semblance doesn't make much sense anyhow, it's part of Goku's biology. There's an actual scientific reasoning given for how and why it works by Vegeta when he fights Goku the first time. Any Saiyan, regardless of power can turn into one with a full moon and a tail. It really has nothing to do with your personality or soul the way SS, SSGod or even 4 do.

Which might make a good topic of conversation in the fic actually where people speculate about it and comment on how Goku shouldn't be able to do what he does.
When someone tells you, "Don't present your opinion as fact," what they're actually saying is, "Don't present your opinion with any conviction. Because I don't like your opinion, and I want to be able to dismiss it as easily as possible." Don't fall for it.

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Re: General Fan Fiction Thread

Post by Vertical » Thu Sep 06, 2018 7:18 am

ekrolo2 wrote:Oozaru being a Semblance doesn't make much sense anyhow, it's part of Goku's biology. There's an actual scientific reasoning given for how and why it works by Vegeta when he fights Goku the first time. Any Saiyan, regardless of power can turn into one with a full moon and a tail. It really has nothing to do with your personality or soul the way SS, SSGod or even 4 do.
How is any Super Saiyan transformation related to personality or soul any more than Oozaru is? They're literally all racial transformations.

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