What do You Think of The Intro I Have Written For a What If?

Any general discussion regarding fan-created works of the Dragon Ball franchise, including AMVs, fan-art, fan-fiction, etc.

Moderators: General Help, Kanzenshuu Staff

User avatar
CityracerGaming
Newbie
Posts: 25
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2020 2:49 am

What do You Think of The Intro I Have Written For a What If?

Post by CityracerGaming » Wed Jun 09, 2021 4:14 pm

I am currently writing a script for a what if video. So far, I have just finished the intro paragraphs. I want to know what you guys think about it so far. Keep in mind that the main purpose is to tell a good story, not to be an analysis.
What if Piccolo was raised by the z fighters?

He couldn't believe his luck. What were the chances that he'd run into some of the only people on the planet who could defeat him. Piccolo wasn't ready for this encounter, not yet. Still, his child body may allow him to survive this day. Empathy is one of humanity's greatest weaknesses after all.

He couldn't believe their luck. To encounter one of King Piccolo's lackeys just before the four of them were going to split up was fortunate. The fight was brief and now all that was left was to decide what to do with the one calling himself Piccolo Junior. Tien was ready to kill him and would make this known, but he would not take unilateral action. The others were not very enthusiastic about this idea.

" I don't know Tien, it just doesn't feel right," Yamcha said.

"He is only a child," Krillin added.

It was growing clearer that not everyone was on the same page. Tien tried convincing them of the danger of allowing Piccolo to live, but they still had misgivings. Chiaotzu revealed similar misgivings saying that if they can change, why couldn't one of King Piccolo's children? Tien understood that he had been out voted and dropped further objections.

It was decided that they would keep watch over Piccolo, to make sure that he couldn't harm anyone. Tien, however, decided to stick with the original plan and left to train on his own.

User avatar
FoolsGil
I Live Here
Posts: 4969
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 10:37 pm

Re: What do You Think of The Intro I Have Written For a What If?

Post by FoolsGil » Thu Jun 10, 2021 10:17 pm

I am intrigued. I say this works.

User avatar
CityracerGaming
Newbie
Posts: 25
Joined: Tue Mar 10, 2020 2:49 am

Re: What do You Think of The Intro I Have Written For a What If?

Post by CityracerGaming » Fri Jun 11, 2021 1:39 am

That's good to hear. :D

Post Reply