- *sees the 20th Century Fox logo* One can't help but jokingly wonder if this film is the reason Fox deserved to get bought out by Disney.
- Hearing this backstory of how the evil warlord Piccolo attacked and was thwarted, all I can think is 'man, the War of the Ring is less exciting sounding than I remember it being'.
- Also, one can't help but wonder what they're actual game plan was in regards to Chatku/Ozaru. Like...is he the
same Ozaru who died and was reincarnated? Was Ozaru locked inside a family and it got passed down to him, ala Naruto? Is he just the same Ozaru that somehow got turned into a human boy and was continually put with random old Chinese masters to try and train him? Like...what was the actual idea here?
- Slow motion sweat drops into sand and leaves flowing past Chatku's face. SUCH ARTISTRY.
- Dear god, these stunts. I could be watching Into the Badlands right now. Or Karate Kid. God, even 3 Ninjas had better choreography than this.
- Little known fact, that horrible CG bug that Chatku makes Grandpa Gohan eat was actually one of Gero's spy bugs. Chatku did us all a favor and nipped that future plot point in the bud before it could be butchered. You know, just as added insurance against sequels. That it clearly needed. Clearly.
- Oh god, the CG effects are worse than I remember too. Quick, go back to the god awful non-CG fighting!
- 'True power comes from inside' isn't quite the 'with great power comes great responsibility' but the way it's delivered it's like they think it is.
- Actually, now that I think about it, every single moment of Tobey Maguire's Peter Parker is more believable that Chatku's acting. YES, EVEN THE DANCE SCENE.
- I forgot they call the four star ball by it's proper Japanese name, shushinchu, proving that at some point in time, someone actually
did do research for this script. I don't think they did a ton with what they found, but hey, someone did...something...I guess...
- Oh hey, actually didn't remember an instrumental version of 'Rule' playing in the US version. Don't know why it's for him attending high school, but hey, there's a lot I don't know about the 'why' of this movie.
- Now that I think about it, did they come across the Goku Jr. special when writing this? Because I could buy Chatku as an older version of Goku Jr. if the GT special didn't happen yet. At least more than I can buy him as Goku anyway.
- So Piccolo wasn't worried about accidentally destroying the Dragon Ball when he blew up that village?
- And here I thought I'd have to re-watch the Trunks arc in Super to get to see Mai be a badass with a gun. ...Okay, maybe I still do.
- Oh hey, Zamasu's in this movie. I thought they said Lord Piccolo, but I swear to god I'm hearing Zamasu. Weird.
- I could have lived my entire life without seeing the 'I Dream of Chichi' scene again. I regret every life decision that lead to me re-watching this as we speak.
- Also have to wonder what the game plan, if there was one, with the 'Namiks' being the evil race that attacked the Earth (also, wait, I thought it was just PICCOLO that did it?). Like, were the Saiyans going to be their slaves not Freeza's? Was Freeza going to be a 'Namik'? I sincerely want to know what they thought they were leading to with all of this. Just to see how bad it was.
- Chatku is already way hornier than even end-of-Z Goten, and I won't lie, I kind of laugh at that non-ironically.
- Also, I won't lie: I kind of
love the bit with him trying to slick back his hair and it not working. Like, I can't explain why, but that actually gets an earnest laugh out of me.
- Wow, what a dick Chatku, leaving your grandpa high and dry. Actual Goku would NEVER leave his family to do something el- ...
- Oh god, the fight choreography's back! I lied, bring back the shitty CG!
- The hair-slide across the top of the car negates anything positive I had to say about the gel gag.
- 'This is the best birthday I've ever had.' 'It's your birthday?' ...Why does this sound like it's about to shift into a porno?
- How does Gohan automatically know that it's Piccolo come to think of it? Did the ancients leave a note saying 'watch out for green people'?
- I mean, you could have had Chatku sense his Grandfather's ki disappearing, or just get a bad feeling, but sure, let's do some weird shots of the moon to grind in again how important this eclipse is gonna be.
- They can't make up their mind if his name is 'Piccolo' or 'Peecolo'. Just call him Zamasu already, it's fine.
- Chatku had a soccer poster on his wall. Chatku was a soccer fan. These are the things that the movie could have focused on and been better for, but they chose not to. For shame!
- They got the Turtle symbol right on the gi, instead of just ignoring it or using the wrong kanji, so...there's that.
- It doesn't pay off in the long term, but I do kind of love how bloodthirsty Bulma's entrance is. I mean, actual Bulma shot Goku in the freakin' head. So it's not inaccurate here either really.
- 'Dragon Ball Energy? DBE? ...Catchy name.'
- I've got nothing for that previous moment. I just think it should be noted.
- I will ask though...why does the Dragon Radar look like a Morpher from Power Rangers? I halfway expect Bulma to turn into the Pink Ranger right now.
- I also would be far more interested in hearing Bulma's plans to use the Dragon Balls to make an unlimited source of energy than everything else that's going on onscreen right now.
- Oh god, the shitty CG bike. I lied again, BRING BACK THE AWFUL FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHY!
- Ah yes, the phone booth at the junction of Paozu and 5th! There used to be a really great pizza joint there.
- Another scene I actually enjoy unironically - 'I have tried every possible spelling of Roshi in the director.' 'Did you try master?' '...' 'M-A-S-', all while Goku's eating a Turkey leg. Like, it's delivered in the sarcastic manner Chatku has rather than how Goku would say it, but I could totally see Goku making that suggestion in any other version.
- Wait, so he DID sense Gohan's ki? Then why the shot of the moon?!
- So Roshi's energy has the same feeling as Gohan's? ...Because they're...old? Like in series, it could work since they're both human, but with what we're given (or not given rather) here, it's just...weird.
- Roshi's
KINDA on an island, if you really want to stretch it.
- Chow Yun Fat as Roshi is something that, by all means, should work at least on some level. It's a testament to this film's lack of effort that it doesn't at all.
- That said though, I do appreciate him wearing the shirt with the 'sexy girl' on it, as well as him trying to hold Bulma around the waist, and his 'bikini quarterly magazine'. I honestly expected, before I ever saw this years ago, that absolutely every bit of Roshi's perversion was going to be taken out, so seeing even one iota of it get hinted at is nice.
- I swear to god all I hear during Roshi and Chatku's exchange of slap punches is Goku and Piccolo attacking Broly in TFS's take on DBZ movie 8.
- Can I just swap Chow Yun Fat's performance for whoever it was that played Roshi in the Chinese live action movie? Because I could be watching that right now instead and be getting a lot more out of it. Though even the bad emoting Fat's giving me here is still better than the absolute lack of EVERYTHING Chatku's giving me.
- So for some reason I've never understood, the Dragon Balls always give Chatku flashbacks. So I assume he
IS the same Ozaru from years ago. Somehow.
- Ah yes, the 'airbending techniques'. Surely no other movie would kill that term even worse a year later.
- The temple getting turned into a festival (that seems to be the Tenkaichi Budokai or...something?) is kinda ironic given how much of a festival the Budokai turns into by the end of Z, but...
- So the reason Chatku was bullied (seemingly implied to by Chi Chi) is because he was a martial artist? Is that some weird class system hatred I've not heard about?
- I haven't talked much about the score yet, but if there's one thing the movie actually does okay with IMO, it's the musical score. 'Chasing Dragon Balls' in particular is a pretty great track. Like, none of the music really makes me think Dragon Ball for certain, but they're generally all at least enjoyable enough to listen to if nothing else.
- Hey, Yamcha's here! ...I said, hey, Yamcha's here! ...Oh god, where's a Saibamen when I need one, because this performance might actually be worse than Fat's Roshi. Not worse than Chatku though. That's just crazy talk.
- Oh joy, more backstory. Except it's the EXACT SAME BACKSTORY WE ALREADY HAD AT THE START OF THE FILM. Couldn't they have just saved that for this, and opened the movie with Piccolo being freed or something?
- ...Why didn't the Dragon Radar go off about the Dragon Ball AS SOON AS THEY FELL INTO THE HOLE?!
- Did this guy playing Yamcha take acting lessons from Keanu Reeves circa 1989, the Bill and Ted years? Because that's what it sounds like.
- Piccolo's armor kinda looks like he walked off the set of one of the earlier X-Men movies, but I'm not gonna lie - the few times I've seen art of actual Piccolo in the outfit, it looks
pretty great. Same with Chatku's outfit on actual Goku. I would actually love to get that outfit in one of the games.
- The Fulum minion things are a nice touch that I didn't expect the movie to include either, but again, why do they make me think of Power Rangers?
- Chatku coming up with a plan to deal with them is something I'm oddly okay with too, since coming up with stuff in the heat of the fight is something we've come to expect from Goku.
- I'm not entirely sure why the Dragon Balls give Chatku these visions either. Just because they were used to seal Piccolo, it doesn't make sense that he has this same direct connection to them. Ozaru wasn't sealed away, not from what we're told anyway. He just 'disappeared'.
- Oh, Ernie Hudson,
no. I know Ghostbusters II wasn't the best, but c'mon man, you didn't have to fall this far!
- So, wait...Roshi was a skeptic so he left this temple of masters. But earlier, just meeting Chatku and seeing him find a Dragon Ball, somehow THAT convinces him that all of these legends are true? THAT'S all it took, when clearly leaving this temple was probably a much harder thing to do?! I...I JUST NEED LOGIC, SOMEWHERE.
- Okay, wait, so no, THIS is the Budokai. That Chi Chi attends. And everyone's cheering for her. But she's keeping the fact that she's a fighter secret. Despite the fact that this looks like a pretty highly attended event. ...I cannot possibly turn my brain off any further than I already have, movie. It's not possible.
- Oh boy, I sure do feel this chemistry between Yamcha and Bulma. Wait, no I don't.
- The Kamehameha hand motion is like...one of the simplest things ever. Especially if you go with the much simpler shorter version Z would pare it down to. So why, dear god just why, did they OVER COMPLICATE THE MOTIONS HERE?!
- Yes, Goku, the guy who didn't take the easy way out to get Korin's water; the guy who wants to fight Boo unfused because Boo is no longer a fused being; THAT guy was going to cheat and use a candle to light the torches. Yet another reason I refuse to call him Goku and just go with Chatku.
- Not sure why Chi Chi is an expert on how to do the Kamehameha, but it allows Chatku to have his first kiss, so...nah, still not worth it.
- ...How does Bulma know Chi Chi? They haven't met yet prior to this.
- I'm just going to assume Mai ate Oolong and that's why she can transform. Though actually, her taking Chi Chi's blood and using it is pretty similar to a tactic a character in My Hero Academia uses...
- Not related to the film itself, but for some reason, this disc is acting up. I already had to move it out of my PS4 and put it into my laptop, where it's still occasionally trying to freeze even though the disc is fine, as are both players. This movie is legit trying to prevent itself from being watched.
- Even with Super having pulled off something even marginally similar, I'm still not sure how to feel about the Kamehameha being used as a defibrillator. It's just weird.
- Not that it would have helped anything, but what a missed opportunity not to give Yamcha's jeep a 'Puar' license plate or something.
- Given that Piccolo has an actual grievance with the Earth it seems here, I kind of wonder if the whole 'Namik' thing earlier was just setting up a swerve for the "clearly inevitable sequel". Like, it was going to turn out that Piccolo was never 'evil' at all, it was all Ozaru's doing, and thus have other Saiyans come in to be evil, and Piccolo's 'redemption' was going to just be him getting apologized to for having been sealed away when he never did anything wrong. That totally feels like the weird, backwards thing this film would have lead to.
- Awwwwwww, shit. Goku V.S. Piccolo is here at last! This...should be good, but we know it isn't.
- So, Chatku did indeed travel to the Earth in recent years and was found by his Grandpa Gohan. Which means, he's
not the same Ozaru from the legends. Okay, that makes sense...until it doesn't. Because with THIS version of the backstory, why does he keep having these flashbacks? He has no connection to Piccolo, he's just ANOTHER 'Ozaru'. Also, why does Piccolo even know he's Ozaru then if they've never met? Everything about this falls apart within two seconds of thinking on it.
- Ozaru Chatku was this movie's last chance to actually give us something cool by giving us a wicked monster transformation. Shame they chose not to.
- Yamcha's attempt to stop Ozaru went about as well as anything Yamcha attempts to do in the series proper, so you know, I can't really fault the movie for that.
- 'Ozaru can't be beaten with fists. Only with faith. Don't let Ozaru destroy the Goku in you.' So...is THAT how they beat Ozaru before? Did they get him to be rational and transform back? Because if so, where'd he go from there?
- ...How did Chatku's gi top get tied back on by his de-transforming? Is the DBE gi made out of the same material as SS4 pants?
- And of course, the movie now culminates in both bad choreography
AND shitty CG all at once. End me.
- I love how their idea of fast-moving action scenes here is just jump cuts (ones that aren't even THAT FAST really) between really slow moving stunt work. It's...kind of amazing, actually.
- In a properly done movie, giving Bulma, the 'non fighter', a final fight against Mai would actually be really cool. In a properly done movie.
- 'I am Goku. I am Ozaru. To be at one with myself I must be two.' ...What?
- For what little it's worth, I do appreciate their attempt at doing something slightly akin to Goku taking down King Piccolo.
- ...*sigh* 'Dragon! The test of seven has been fulfilled! I compel you to come forth and grant my wish!'
- And with Shen Long's appearance, I have fully become convinced this should have just skipped theaters and aired on Syfy. It would have been a little more forgivable if it had.
- 'The Dragon Balls are gone. We have to find them again.' ...You do? I mean, wait, are you and Yamcha still planning on your awful wishes after all of this? And I thought the whole thing was they didn't work except for during this eclipse, or was that only in regards to Piccolo/Ozaru using them? EVEN YOUR FIRST SEQUEL HOOK DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
- It's not perfect, but you know what? I actually kinda like going out on Goku and Chi Chi about to fight. That's a fine enough way for a movie that was probably going to try and transition into Z, and Gohan, to end.
- Executive Producer: Akira Toriyama. And on that day, we all learned what a lie that job title could be.
- So this woman that seems to trying to heal Piccolo...did we ever get any sort of statement from a director or anything as to who the hell she's supposed to be? Like, is it anything, or is it just how they decided to show that Piccolo was alive?
- Well I'll be damned. They do use the real version of Rule in the end credits! I didn't remember that at all.
