Does this sound worth reading?

Dayspring · Post by **Dayspring** » Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:10 pm

I'm writing a fanfic about Vegeta as a kid. Since the average Saiyan PL is in the 1,200-1,500 range (another factoid!) according to daizenshuu 7, I have the Saiyan populace in that range, with "second class Saiyans" in the 1,500-2,000 range and elites over 2,000. The Royal Guard (Saiyans found in the throneroom scenes) are all 3,500-4,000 (and up but that'll be the average range) and the King'd be at 5,000.

At age 5 Vegeta is as strong as the King, so his birthday is now a national holiday with tons of Saiyans camped out on the royal grounds of the palace (as all think he's the next super saiyan). Vegeta has just passed the Saiyan equivalent of a graduation exam (beat the living shit out of his tutor, Nappa) but didn't come out of the battle completely unscathed and needs to rest a bit (since he refuses to enter the tank).

During his downtime he picks a rare Saiyan book which tells everything about the Super Saiyan's life. Where he came from, how he conquered Vegetasei (Truffles aren't in this story) to become King Vegeta the first, have a queen, empregnate her and die as he loses control in Oozaru form.

Here's where I need your feedback. Does it sound like it's worth reading? If so, I'm thinking of continuing on the story as either Vegeta's life under Freeza's servitude, or as an AU fic where the Saiyan Empire isn't destroyed and Vegeta is ever-questing to become stronger and loses the throne to his younger brother, "Bejiita" (the name is supposed to be the real name of the previous Saiyan and an insult to Vegeta for abandoning his role as prince).

So what do you think?

Jerseymilk · Post by **Jerseymilk** » Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:15 pm

I definitely think it's worth reading Dayspring.

I was interested just reading that little bit. Keep going!

Dayspring · Post by **Dayspring** » Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:18 pm

Sweet. Continue with which part though? Vegeta in DB manga continuity (note that it would HAVE to end when Radditz dies, way earlier than I want it to) or AU fic?

Jerseymilk · Post by **Jerseymilk** » Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:26 pm

So far, I like the manga continuity. It's neat to read a-fill-in-the-gaps kind of history about Vegita. Perhaps, if you also really want to do the other story too, you could make it almost in a parallel universe or alternate reality. Maybe you could even go by the premise that an event changes the past and it's start over again, but turns into your AU fic?

Dayspring · Post by **Dayspring** » Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:43 pm

Too much work. ^_^

Interesting how it could be parallel though. I could have a DB manga sequel where Vegeta makes Bulma construct a Time Machine so he can train with himself or fight Cell or Buu or whatever, but in end up in the AU since time travel (in DB) actually sends you into the past of another timeline.

SDNess · Post by **SDNess** » Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:56 pm

Sounds interesting. I'm a fic writer myself.

Jerseymilk · Post by **Jerseymilk** » Tue Jan 20, 2004 11:59 pm

Your last suggestion sounds like it could be really interesting.

Deus ex Machina · Post by **Deus ex Machina** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 12:09 am

I noticed something about your first post, one of your factoids is a little off. I don't have the info right infront me, but I believe King Vegeta's PL was actually 30000. I'm not 100% sure so maybe I'll go check...

Dayspring · Post by **Dayspring** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 12:28 am

Please go check! I dunno why but I like the whole PL readings stuff. I could then include Bardock's 10,000 PL even though he's a Low Level Warrior (which daizenshuu 7 states a bajillion times is 1200-1500).

laserkid · Post by **laserkid** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 12:57 am

yes that sounds interesting, hope you have the resolve to write it, I had a DBZ fanfic idea once but meh never wrote it.

Dayspring · Post by **Dayspring** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:02 am

That's why I'm asking if anybody'd read it. This feels like a multi-book fic, but when I write "fannovels" and feel like nobody wants to read it, I lose patience with how my ideas progress faster than I can type it and end up dropping it altogether. Small fics go well though with me. I've always been a writer, just not good enough to sell anything.

SDNess · Post by **SDNess** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:05 am

Do you have any written stuff to post so far?

Deus ex Machina · Post by **Deus ex Machina** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:05 am

Dayspring wrote:Please go check! I dunno why but I like the whole PL readings stuff. I could then include Bardock's 10,000 PL even though he's a Low Level Warrior (which daizenshuu 7 states a bajillion times is 1200-1500).

You make an interesting point, but I think I can explain the reason why Bardock was a 'Low-Class' while his son was a first class, while only having 1/10 his PL.

A Saiyans rank is probably assigned at birth, depending on PL and increase expectations. You can tell by Vegeta that class was a big deal to Saiyans, so it probably wasn't something that could be changed once assigned, no matter how strong they became later.

The reasoning behind this, is that High ranking Saiyans would give birth to more high ranking saiyans. Even the weakest Saiyan could dramatically increase their PL through training, fighting, and recovering from mortal injuries. However, their offspring would begin as low-power saiyans like they were. This is really likely, Vegeta never passes up an opurtunity to remind everyone that he comes from a long line of Vegetas, even Nappa was a bit of a snob.

Dayspring · Post by **Dayspring** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:10 am

Do you have any written stuff to post so far?

I want to finish this one bit before I let you preview it.

The reasoning behind this, is that High ranking Saiyans would give birth to more high ranking saiyans. Even the weakest Saiyan could dramatically increase their PL through training, fighting, and recovering from mortal injuries. However, their offspring would begin as low-power saiyans like they were. This is really likely, Vegeta never passes up an opurtunity to remind everyone that he comes from a long line of Vegetas, even Nappa was a bit of a snob.

Although that makes total sense (I like how you think!), how would you account for Gohan and Goten's huge power levels at early ages?

Deus ex Machina · Post by **Deus ex Machina** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:21 am

That's also a simple matter. Vegeta says it himself during the Saiyan Saga, that a hybrid Human and Saiyan has enormous powers, or dare I say, a Super Saiyan? Nappa even mentions they could found an entire empire of Super Saiyans if they conquered Earth. Of course Vegeta didn't like that, which is another reason he intended to destroy Earth.

Dayspring · Post by **Dayspring** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:31 am

oh right. Nicely done. You are rewarded with a fanfic biddy:

Around the year –238… [year might be wrong]

The Tribal Leader of the Central Continent looked upon his people with the trademarked Saiyan sneer as the sun’s rays rose over them. Over the course of thirty years he had led his clan to control of the entire continent. The next decade was all out war against the weaker Eastern Continent tribes, as he quickly took over the people of another fifth of the world. Although many thought it was too early to proclaim himself King of all planet Vegeta, this powerful Saiyan figured it was only a matter of time until the other three continents fell under his dominion anyway, so why bother to wait?

“Hail, Miso!” an elder of his own clan called out as he refastened the late Eastern Tribal Leader’s skull to be worn as a crown. Funny how the key fragments of the skull was the top of the head itself, the crown; although it also had the eye sockets still attached as well as an unhinged jaw.
“Hail, Miso!” the others echoed.
“Hail, Miso, King of the Central Continent!”
“Hail, Miso!”
“Hail, Miso, King of the Eastern Continent!”
“Hail, Miso!”
“Hail, Miso, King of the Planet Vegeta!”
“Hail, Miso!”

Miso snarled as he noticed this last chant contained more enthusiastic cheers than an acknowledgement of his kingship. It would seem the popular vote would be to wait until he actually conquered the remaining continents, but that might not happen in his lifetime, and he wanted the glory before he died. Luckily might made right and the popular vote didn’t matter.

“Hail, Miso!” the Saiyan elder continued. “With this crown I proclaim your Lordship over all Saiyan peoples. If any other Saiyan challenges that Lordship, do so now!”
“I challenge!” boomed a voice. Flying towards them at unprecedented speeds was a teenaged male. It was difficult to see him, as he appeared to be flying in front of the center of the sun. When he landed scant inches away from Miso, fully nude and without scars of any kind, the Tribal Leader roared in laughter?
“Who is this Eastern peasant,” Miso laughed. “That he doesn’t have the sense to wear any animal skins?”
“Power made flesh.” The boy retorted. “You are not fit to rule Vegeta.”
“Oh ho!” the Tribal Leader chuckled, waving the boy off to the others. The Central Saiyans laughed in response, though the Easterners were piqued by curiosity.

“And you are?” the Tribal Leader asked. “What’s your name?”
“I am a Saiyan Warrior.” The boy sneered. “I am the technique. I am the power. I am the rage.”
“And just WHAT the hell does that mean?” Miso asked, incredulously.
“It means you should quickly prepare yourself for battle.”

Before Miso could scoff at the boy’s threat, the unknown Saiyan’s right fist was deep inside Miso’s chest. With a sickening schlock! sound, Miso’s heart was ripped out of him and raised above the boy’s head. Miso would have bellowed in excruciating pain had the boy’s other hand not suddenly crushed his throat. With a snicker, the boy released a wash of energy that set Miso on fire. Raising Miso in the air, the unknown Saiyan roared with a fury and pride that could only be matched by an enraged Oozaru.

The other Saiyans fell to their knees in awe as they watched Miso’s still beating heart in one hand and his burning corpse in the other. The bloodlust in the boy’s eyes was unnatural, and instead of provoking Saiyan pride at the site of tribal succession, some even trembled in their fear and wonder of him.
“WHO IS YOUR KING?!” he bellowed. The Saiyan elder who was earlier preparing to crown Miso stepped forward and hailed yet again, then hesitated.
“Wh…What did he say his name was?” he asked the nearest Saiyan, not understanding the boy’s earlier answer to Miso.
Chuckling, the boy answered “I AM Vegeta.”
“Hail, Vegeta! King of Saiyans!” the elder cried.
“HAIL, VEGETA!!”

And Vegeta roared his triumph.

Deus ex Machina · Post by **Deus ex Machina** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 1:54 am

Not bad, not bad at all. Their's not a lot of stories the deal with King Vegeta, but you seemed to have captured his personality nicely

Dayspring · Post by **Dayspring** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 12:27 pm

Actually this is the Super Saiyan from 1,000 years ago. Remember how I'm a manga-nut? Well I decided to ignore the Tsufuru crap since Toriyama didn't invent them.

Jerseymilk · Post by **Jerseymilk** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 5:45 pm

Really nice. I like how your keeping up with Toriyama's "food naming" with that warlord "Miso", nice touch. I assume, that this young Vegita is also the first "Legendary Super Saiyajin" right? I think it's a good start. Keep going!

Dayspring · Post by **Dayspring** » Wed Jan 21, 2004 6:48 pm

You guessed right. Book 1 goes back and forth between chibi Vegeta from the Bardock story age, to him reading the story of the first Super Saiyan which you just got an intro too.

Kanzenshuu

Does this sound worth reading?

Does this sound worth reading?

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