Dragon Ball GT: Maximum (My DBGT rewrite fanfiction)

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FireFly
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Dragon Ball GT: Maximum (My DBGT rewrite fanfiction)

Post by FireFly » Sat Jan 13, 2024 1:44 am

GT sucks and there are a million things I'd sooner recommend, but it does have some good ideas and concepts. To try and make the most of them I wrote a fanfiction improving upon GT and making it a more concrete story that focuses on the new generation. Constructive criticism is welcome.
Last edited by FireFly on Sat Jan 13, 2024 5:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Hellspawn28
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Re: Dragon Ball GT: Maximum (My DBGT rewrite fanfiction)

Post by Hellspawn28 » Sat Jan 13, 2024 2:42 pm

You're off to a good start. I like this way more than the first episode of GT.
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Re: Dragon Ball GT: Maximum (My DBGT rewrite fanfiction)

Post by FireFly » Sat Jan 13, 2024 5:06 pm

Thanks. Here are the next batch of chapters. I've written a whopping 4 dozen so far, so it'll be posted gradually as I gain more readership (Plus, this forum prohibits multi-posting without sizable intervals between posts) :crazy:
Last edited by FireFly on Sat Jan 13, 2024 5:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Dragon Ball GT: Maximum (My DBGT rewrite fanfiction)

Post by FireFly » Sat Jan 13, 2024 5:14 pm


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Re: Dragon Ball GT: Maximum (My DBGT rewrite fanfiction)

Post by FireFly » Sun Jan 14, 2024 12:22 pm

Hellspawn28 wrote: Sat Jan 13, 2024 2:42 pm You're off to a good start. I like this way more than the first episode of GT.
Can you comment on the other chapters I've posted?

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Re: Dragon Ball GT: Maximum (My DBGT rewrite fanfiction)

Post by Mireya » Sun Jan 14, 2024 1:12 pm

Nicely done having read the 1st chapter. I think you gave a good detailing description of Oob and Goku's interaction and the suspense with Dende's premonition creates a sense of immersion.

I'd maybe advise to add more description to SSJ2 and transformations in general. I mean, people know what it is, but since it's being written in a book-format, a better description is good to keep it engaged, maybe detailing the fights a little more as well to explore the imaginative side.


Edit: --- chapter 2

Your chapter 2 is also cool, it describes well Trunks with his sense of disinterest and frustrated as the president, which is in terms with DBGT too iirc and I think fits well with him taking the role of the CC.

The sense of urgency is also done well, with the CC's corporation and Trunk's dialogue which helps raising the stakes. And you also did well presenting the suspense with the shadowed figure.

I'd say that you could be a little more descriptive of the surrounding and maybe break the dialogues in a better way to avoid confusion. The pacing is good, but I'd say you could balance it a little better, with some moments of reflection from Trunks, though I know it's exhaustive.

With the shadowed figure, although the suspense was done well, some hints of foreshadowing would be nice. I think you could peace down the transition of scenes as well, making it a little slower, with the shadow figure to the palace scene. And damn, the scene of it twisting the cat's neck was nasty lol. That's just a comment tho, not a criticism.

You could also add some more layers in the reaction of Popo and Dende to the shadow figure, it helps immersion and for the readers to connect with the scenes.

While Trunks' and Vegeta's reactions were conveyed well, try going a little more in depth on it, adding some more details.

I also think that breaking the dialogues with action bits would favor to keep the readers more engaged rather than heavy dialogues. The plot and characters interactions felt very well done though. It'd also be cool to add a little more to the characters motivations into protecting the CC.

The tension was well done with Trunks and Kaba and created a sense of a real conflict, plus the backstory of Kaba added depth to the character and I feel was done well and the high stakes also create a sense of tension in a good well I'd say. I'm also thinking the transition between Kaiba and the street full of ppl could be done in a slower way to create a smoother transition rather than it cutting too brief.

I feel the characters interactions were done very well with Goku, Vegeta, Piccolo, Bra, Bulma, showing differing perspectives and having Goten and Trunks going training with Oob was also a nice put thing and add interactions that lacked a lot in GT.

The stakes were done well, but I think you could perhaps add some more stones and obstacles to escalate tension.


That's it for now

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Re: Dragon Ball GT: Maximum (My DBGT rewrite fanfiction)

Post by FireFly » Sun Jan 14, 2024 2:08 pm

Here are ch.6 and 7:

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Re: Dragon Ball GT: Maximum (My DBGT rewrite fanfiction)

Post by FireFly » Wed Jan 17, 2024 4:47 pm

Ch. 8 and 9 (the end of the UDB arc):


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Re: Dragon Ball GT: Maximum (My DBGT rewrite fanfiction)

Post by FireFly » Sun Feb 11, 2024 2:19 pm

Ch. 10 & 11:
Last edited by FireFly on Sun Feb 11, 2024 2:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Dragon Ball GT: Maximum (My DBGT rewrite fanfiction)

Post by FireFly » Sun Feb 11, 2024 2:32 pm

Ch. 12 & 13:

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