Joey Batz's definitive Dragon Ball GT

[DNA]

Joey Batz

Please continue doing this the way you are doing. Don't deviate much from the original, only improve it, that's what makes yours interesting. Eventually if we are lucky, your script will be picked up by someone to make a manga out of it.

[Joey Batz]

Oh don't worry about continuing. I didn't see the "negative" comments (or rather, "the constructive criticism that I expressly asked for and will surely benefit from") and get scared off. I'm still writing, though admittedly my newfound obsession with the One Piece manga has slowed down my writing schedule.

Majinking, thanks for your advice (actually, thanks to Captain Awesome for pretty much the same piece of advice). As you know, the reason I wrote it the way it was is because this is a script for a manga, not an actual story in itself. Dragon Ball is a very visual story, and I never felt that any "novelization" could do such a story justice. My plan was to have a script and leave the details of the visual to the artist, again making this more of a guide to a story than an actual story. That's why there are so many informal notes and requests scattered throughout the whole thing. I do still want to eventually turn this into a manga. The only problem is that I never got an artist.

I want to do something that shows that I'm not simply stealing scenes from the anime, but actually turning this into somewhat of my own work (remember, I've said from the very beginning that the story is still the same as the anime's, but just cleaned up and with my own spin on certain things). I know I've said that many a time but have not lived up to that promise. So I think I'll just throw in a few scenes from future episodes in to show you what some of this will look like in the future.

First, from an ORIGINAL ADVENTURE (see? I wasn't lying about those):


The GT crew lands in the village. The people there (who look part lizard and part fish) are emaciated and miserable. The village is in poor repair and the small huts (the buildings don't get any bigger) are falling apart. There's muck and garbage piled up in certain areas. The villagers, who were just going about their business, all look at the GT crew in shock.
Goku: "Hi!"
Pan: "Oh my God, these people...."
Trunks: "Man, it looks like they haven't eaten in years."
Goku: "Excuse me, have any of you seen a Dragon Ball?"
The people just stare at him, mesmerized.
Trunks (pulling the 4 star ball out of his jacket pocket): "Sorry....we don't mean to intrude....we just wanted to know if you, um, have anything that looks like this?"
Villager #1: "The god has returned! He bears another Divine Sphere!"
Villager #2: "The wild haired god has taken the form of a child!"
Villager #3: "Bow to him! Bow to the child god!"
The villagers begin bowing to Goku.
Uub: "...T-the wild haired....GOD!?"
Pan: "...The body....of a child....?"
Trunks, Giru, Pan, and Uub stare at Goku, who is kneeling on the floor inspecting the ground.
Goku: "Huh, I wonder what's on the ground that everyone finds so interesting?"
Pan (grabbing Goku by the collar): "They're not looking at the ground! They're worshipping you! You've been here before, haven't you, Grandpa!?"
Goku: "N-no! I've never been to this planet before in my life!"
Pan (letting go of his shirt and folding her arms, looking away from him): "Mmm-hm? You know, Papa said that after you defeated Frieza, you disappeared for years. You sure you weren't galaxy hopping? Maybe you were looking for someone to replace Grandma Chi-Chi and stumbled upon this planet?"
Goku: "What? No! Honest! I was on Planet Yardrat at the time learning Instant Transmission! I really was never here before!"
Trunks: "Pan, please. It's probably just a coincedence. It's not like they have a statue of Goku in his adult body lying around somewhere."

The GT crew and the villagers are standing in the village square. In the middle is a stone statue of Goku in his adult body. It his almost a dead on portrayal, save for the fact that his eyes look meaner (or more warrior-like). He is barechested and is wearing pants and boots. Give him a "majestic" pose (like his hand reaching out to the stars or something).
Trunks: "OK, they do have a statue of Goku in his adult body lying around somewhere."
Pan: "Oh good, because otherwise this would not have been weird enough."
Uub: "But this means that Goku was here at some point during his space travels before he was turned into a kid."
They turn and look at Goku again.
Goku: "Don't look at me! I said I was never here before in my life! Why would I lie about something like that?"
Pan: "Huh?"
At the foot of the statue is the 3 star BSDB.
Pan (running to grab the BSDB): "We found it! The 3 star ball!"
Uub: "Alright!"
Trunks: "Only 5 more to go!"
Giru: "Dragon Ball detected! Dragon Ball located at the base of a statue in the village square!"
Pan: ".....Thanks, Giru."


Pan and Giru getting ready to enter Cardinal Muchi Muchi's castle:


Pan is standing in front of CMM's castle.
Pan: "It looks like the Dragon Ball is in that castle. Brr, now I REALLY wish Gramps and the others were here. This place gives me the creeps. Well, let's head on in."
Giru starts freaking out.
Pan: "Oh don't tell me you're scared!"
Giru: "Th-then Giru not say anything! G-G-Giru!"
Pan, holding onto a frantic Giru, flies up towards the entrances.
Pan (now with her arms folded, NOT holding Giru): "Multiple entrances? Great. I hope this place isn't one of those spooky haunted house mazes. Eh?"
Pan turns to see that Giru is no longer there. Looking to her right, she sees Giru in his "ball form" (arms and legs tucked in) trying to blend in with a bunch of rocks.
Pan: "Giru!!"
Giru: "Giru not here. Giru left. I am a rock. Rock-u! Rock-u!"
Pan: "Oh really? Which way did Giru go then?"
Giru (with one arm sticking out and pointing): "That way."
Pan (picking up Giru): "Are you really going to let a little girl enter that dangerous castle all by herself!"
Giru: "Danger danger danger!"
Pan: "Well I don't care! We're going anyway, regardless of the danger!"
Giru: "Good luck with that! Giru!"
Pan: "Fine! You coward! I'm going alone!" Pan flies off into the castle.
Giru: "Pan?....Danger, Pan..."



Goku and Uub teaming up to fight the Mega Cannon Sigma Force:


The Sigma Force members each pop the top halves of their bodies out of the walls, ceiling, and floor (whereever you want to put them). Goku and Uub are standing back to back in a ready stance (kinda hunched over with their fists half-raised at their sides).
Nezi: "You can't hit us! You can't even find us! We can be anywhere at anytime! You don't know what we're going to do, but we know what YOU'RE going to do!"
The Sigma Force all disappear back into the walls.
Uub: "They're right, Goku. They know exactly what we're going to do. And we can't even see 'em."
Goku (smirking): "Uub, what have I always taught you to do in a situation where you can't see your opponent?"
Uub gets a look of realization on his face.
Uub (smirking): "To close my eyes. Feel their energy. Attack with precision and avoid wasteful displays of power that are easily countered."
Goku: "That's right. Y'ready?" He spreads his arms out to his sides, preparing an energy attack in each of his hands.
Uub does the same action as Goku.
Uub: "Ready."
Goku: "NOW!"
They both fire wild energy blasts in every possible direction around them. Shit's pretty much exploding everywhere. They jump into the air and continue their barrage of random energy attacks (you can have either of them do that arm-crossing thing that Goku does for a second in Movie 2 where he's firing at all the spiked balls).
Goku (powering up): "EYAAAAAH!"
Uub (powering up): "HIYAAAAA!
Image of the top of the tower they are in from the outside exploding. Close up image of each of the Simga Force members lying on the floor, irreparably damaged. Image of Goku and Uub floating to the floor, clearly showing that the walls and ceiling are completely gone and that they are now outside, and the bodies of the Sigma Force around them. They grin (that stupid Goku grin where it shows his teeth and closes his eyes) and knock their fists together like Goku and Krillin used to do in Dragon Ball and Goten and Trunks used to do in DBZ.


I think that's enough for now. I'll post the next chapter when I get a chance. But yes, I will be continuing this so don't worry about that. I'd ask for comments on the chapters that I posted thus far, but there's not much to say since I didn't really change all that much. So instead, I'll ask what you all thought of the little segments I posted just now.

[MajinKing]

The segment with goku's statue was pretty good. I wonder what it means?