Does this sound worth reading?
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Pirate Hunter
- Newbie
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- Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2004 5:52 pm
- Location: This Place in Florida
Hey thanks! I'll get back to writing it right now then.
(Yay! A real fan!
)
(Yay! A real fan!
)Captain Christopher Pike wrote:The away team will consist of myself, Cadet Kirk, Mr. Sulu, and Ensign Olsen.
The Geeky Gentleman: For all your comics, movies, TV and other geeky needs.Freeza Heika wrote: for the land of the cool, and the home of the Appule
Prolly filled with spelling+grammar boo boos. Didn't proof read it yet:
The battle was not going well. Everywhere Kakarotto looked he could see his people dead or dying. Many of the Centro-Eastern Alliance fighters had stopped their onslaught and were already roasting their prey for food. To his left he saw his childhood friend, Kabaji, being torn in half by two Central elitists, grabbing at him wishbone-style. With a shriek of pure agony, Kabaji was split asunder. The Saiyan with the bigger half roared in victory while the loser took his frustration out on Kabaji’s limp corpse.
“Push forward!” came an order from behind. It was the deluded behemoth of a man known as Raguu, Tribal Leader of the West, and Kakarotto’s lord and master.
“We must retreat,” the wounded Saiyan pleaded to his noble. “The battle is lost!”
His answer came in the form of a backhand across the jaw that sent him crashing to the ground.
“Coward!” Raguu snorted. “Kill them all, men! Victory is in our grasp!”
Victory? Kakarotto thought, incredulously. He calls THIS victory?!
Vegeta had been spotted in fever pitch. His bloodlust had spread to his warriors like a plague. They could be seen no longer bothering to kill their meat, let alone cook them. Was this Kakarotto’s fate? To be eaten alive while his enemy shamed his clan? He cared nothing for Raguu, for only recently had his father been killed by him which merged their clans under his rule. Kakarotto’s brother however, was a proud follower of the laws of succession and wouldn’t allow anyone near his Lord.
“Raaaaguuu…” Vegeta called over the battlefield. “What kind of sauce do your innards float in?” At the speeds he was going Vegeta could easily kill Raguu, but there were just so many targets for him to zig-zag off course and slaughter. Vegeta was almost artistic, surgical even in the fashion that he killed his prey. He would simply cleave into the Eastern warriors with bloody precision before racing off to decapitate others and crush the skulls of even more.
“A demon!” Raguu cried suddenly. From his perspective his soldiers were randomly exploding, crumbling into pieces and bursting into flames without any cause. “A demon has come for me! My men! Forget your opponent’s! Come to my aid!”
If Raguu was a dull lummox then Kakarotto’s brother, Bardock, was even more so. Born with the taint, Bardock was always a fool of a Saiyan, even by children’s standards. But he was strong; possibly stronger than Raguu. When his Lord ordered the Easterners to protect him, Bardock charged at the Saiyan King (which apparently only he and Kakarotto could see). Vegeta sneered and gave a mighty uppercut that sent him straight into the air, his neck stretched unnaturally. Vegeta flew up to meet Bardock when momentum gave out and wrapped him in a bear hug. He then pulled tightly, folding Barodck backwards in two.
“BARDOCK!!!” Kakarotto yelled out at the horrendous sight. His brother gave him a goofy grin and muttered “Kakarotto upside down!”
Vegeta cackled at this and swatted Bardock in the face so that his nose cartilage penetrated his brain.
“VEGETA!!” Kakarotto roared. “I’LL KILL YOU!!”
“Oh ho!” Vegeta laughed. “A challenge! Come, brother Saiyan! Show me your prideful rage!”
Kakarotto flew up towards Vegeta, both arms outstretched in front of him. When three of Vegeta’s warriors flew between them Kakarotto opened his fists to unleash twin massive ki blasts. One completely incinerated the warrior on the right; the other tore open the chest of the warrior on the left. When the middle warrior shot a jabbed at Kakarotto, the Westerner disappeared only to reappear above him grabbing him by the hair. Bringing his knee down, Kakarotto crushed the windpipe of the third Saiyan. Had he bothered to look back he would have seen the plummeting Saiyan clutching his throat for air that would never again enter his lungs.
Skill under pressure. Vegeta noted. Good.
Kakarotto launched the first volley of attacks, a melee of fists and kicks. Vegeta crossed his arms and ducked and dodged away from every attack. Fast AND powerful. Very good. Let’s see how he defends himself.
Punching once, Vegeta decided to leave his guard dropped so as to see how Kakarotto would react. Kakarotto blocked the blow by crossing his arms in front of him in an x formation. He also let loose a kick to the crook of Vegeta’s neck which managed to connect.
Very powerful. He’s easily the strongest Saiyan I’ve ever faced. I wonder why HE isn’t tribal leader? Too bad his forearm snapped under the pressure of the blow.
Having had enough playing around, Vegeta used his supernatural strength and speed to punch Kakarotto four hundred times in under five seconds. He then brought his leg up high over his head and dropped it down on Kakarotto’s shoulder, the force causing him to plummet to the ground. On impact, the earth heaved and shattered as if a torrential force had just disturbed the oceans. Flying down on top of him, Vegeta landed feet first on Kakarotto’s chest. Blood erupted from his mouth like a mini geyser, but to Vegeta’s surprise the Westerner’s chest didn’t completely buckle under the strain.
“The Canon Fodder did their job well!” Raguu bellowed as he heaved his fist heavily into Vegeta’s face. “They distracted you long enough for this!”
The blow landed with a sonic boom, but Vegeta did not take notice. Only now was he realizing that this Saiyan on which he stood had caused him pain. His neck ached slightly where Kakarotto’s kick had landed earlier.
“You send others to fight for you?” Vegeta snorted at Raguu in disgust. “Pathetic.”
With two quick movements he swatted Raguu’s arm off at the elbow and clasped him by the jaw so that his head would not move. With his free hand, Vegeta grabbed Raguu’s other shoulder and spun him around so that the neck of the Tribal Leader of the West dislocated fatally.
“I’ve killed your Lord.” Vegeta said to the unconscious Kakarotto. “That makes you mine now.”
The battle was not going well. Everywhere Kakarotto looked he could see his people dead or dying. Many of the Centro-Eastern Alliance fighters had stopped their onslaught and were already roasting their prey for food. To his left he saw his childhood friend, Kabaji, being torn in half by two Central elitists, grabbing at him wishbone-style. With a shriek of pure agony, Kabaji was split asunder. The Saiyan with the bigger half roared in victory while the loser took his frustration out on Kabaji’s limp corpse.
“Push forward!” came an order from behind. It was the deluded behemoth of a man known as Raguu, Tribal Leader of the West, and Kakarotto’s lord and master.
“We must retreat,” the wounded Saiyan pleaded to his noble. “The battle is lost!”
His answer came in the form of a backhand across the jaw that sent him crashing to the ground.
“Coward!” Raguu snorted. “Kill them all, men! Victory is in our grasp!”
Victory? Kakarotto thought, incredulously. He calls THIS victory?!
Vegeta had been spotted in fever pitch. His bloodlust had spread to his warriors like a plague. They could be seen no longer bothering to kill their meat, let alone cook them. Was this Kakarotto’s fate? To be eaten alive while his enemy shamed his clan? He cared nothing for Raguu, for only recently had his father been killed by him which merged their clans under his rule. Kakarotto’s brother however, was a proud follower of the laws of succession and wouldn’t allow anyone near his Lord.
“Raaaaguuu…” Vegeta called over the battlefield. “What kind of sauce do your innards float in?” At the speeds he was going Vegeta could easily kill Raguu, but there were just so many targets for him to zig-zag off course and slaughter. Vegeta was almost artistic, surgical even in the fashion that he killed his prey. He would simply cleave into the Eastern warriors with bloody precision before racing off to decapitate others and crush the skulls of even more.
“A demon!” Raguu cried suddenly. From his perspective his soldiers were randomly exploding, crumbling into pieces and bursting into flames without any cause. “A demon has come for me! My men! Forget your opponent’s! Come to my aid!”
If Raguu was a dull lummox then Kakarotto’s brother, Bardock, was even more so. Born with the taint, Bardock was always a fool of a Saiyan, even by children’s standards. But he was strong; possibly stronger than Raguu. When his Lord ordered the Easterners to protect him, Bardock charged at the Saiyan King (which apparently only he and Kakarotto could see). Vegeta sneered and gave a mighty uppercut that sent him straight into the air, his neck stretched unnaturally. Vegeta flew up to meet Bardock when momentum gave out and wrapped him in a bear hug. He then pulled tightly, folding Barodck backwards in two.
“BARDOCK!!!” Kakarotto yelled out at the horrendous sight. His brother gave him a goofy grin and muttered “Kakarotto upside down!”
Vegeta cackled at this and swatted Bardock in the face so that his nose cartilage penetrated his brain.
“VEGETA!!” Kakarotto roared. “I’LL KILL YOU!!”
“Oh ho!” Vegeta laughed. “A challenge! Come, brother Saiyan! Show me your prideful rage!”
Kakarotto flew up towards Vegeta, both arms outstretched in front of him. When three of Vegeta’s warriors flew between them Kakarotto opened his fists to unleash twin massive ki blasts. One completely incinerated the warrior on the right; the other tore open the chest of the warrior on the left. When the middle warrior shot a jabbed at Kakarotto, the Westerner disappeared only to reappear above him grabbing him by the hair. Bringing his knee down, Kakarotto crushed the windpipe of the third Saiyan. Had he bothered to look back he would have seen the plummeting Saiyan clutching his throat for air that would never again enter his lungs.
Skill under pressure. Vegeta noted. Good.
Kakarotto launched the first volley of attacks, a melee of fists and kicks. Vegeta crossed his arms and ducked and dodged away from every attack. Fast AND powerful. Very good. Let’s see how he defends himself.
Punching once, Vegeta decided to leave his guard dropped so as to see how Kakarotto would react. Kakarotto blocked the blow by crossing his arms in front of him in an x formation. He also let loose a kick to the crook of Vegeta’s neck which managed to connect.
Very powerful. He’s easily the strongest Saiyan I’ve ever faced. I wonder why HE isn’t tribal leader? Too bad his forearm snapped under the pressure of the blow.
Having had enough playing around, Vegeta used his supernatural strength and speed to punch Kakarotto four hundred times in under five seconds. He then brought his leg up high over his head and dropped it down on Kakarotto’s shoulder, the force causing him to plummet to the ground. On impact, the earth heaved and shattered as if a torrential force had just disturbed the oceans. Flying down on top of him, Vegeta landed feet first on Kakarotto’s chest. Blood erupted from his mouth like a mini geyser, but to Vegeta’s surprise the Westerner’s chest didn’t completely buckle under the strain.
“The Canon Fodder did their job well!” Raguu bellowed as he heaved his fist heavily into Vegeta’s face. “They distracted you long enough for this!”
The blow landed with a sonic boom, but Vegeta did not take notice. Only now was he realizing that this Saiyan on which he stood had caused him pain. His neck ached slightly where Kakarotto’s kick had landed earlier.
“You send others to fight for you?” Vegeta snorted at Raguu in disgust. “Pathetic.”
With two quick movements he swatted Raguu’s arm off at the elbow and clasped him by the jaw so that his head would not move. With his free hand, Vegeta grabbed Raguu’s other shoulder and spun him around so that the neck of the Tribal Leader of the West dislocated fatally.
“I’ve killed your Lord.” Vegeta said to the unconscious Kakarotto. “That makes you mine now.”
Captain Christopher Pike wrote:The away team will consist of myself, Cadet Kirk, Mr. Sulu, and Ensign Olsen.
The Geeky Gentleman: For all your comics, movies, TV and other geeky needs.Freeza Heika wrote: for the land of the cool, and the home of the Appule
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Jerseymilk
- Born 'n Bred Here
- Posts: 5477
- Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2004 2:01 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
You've definitely captured the brutality and savagery of the Saiyajins, Dayspring. Oooh and cannabalistic Saiyajins too! Very naaasty! 
I'm still finding it very interesting, and there were only about 1 or 2 errors. That's pretty good for not having proof-read it yet. I'm hoping I'm guessing correctly again that this particular Bardock and Kakarotto are ancestors of Goku? Keep going! I'm having fun reading it!
I'm still finding it very interesting, and there were only about 1 or 2 errors. That's pretty good for not having proof-read it yet. I'm hoping I'm guessing correctly again that this particular Bardock and Kakarotto are ancestors of Goku? Keep going! I'm having fun reading it!Yup yup. And then (hee hee: a spoiler to my own creation) Kakarotto's kid will be named Bardock in his bro's honor. That'll spark a Bardock-Kakarotto son (pun semi-intended) name tradition among the family. Thanks for the review!I'm hoping I'm guessing correctly again that this particular Bardock and Kakarotto are ancestors of Goku?
Captain Christopher Pike wrote:The away team will consist of myself, Cadet Kirk, Mr. Sulu, and Ensign Olsen.
The Geeky Gentleman: For all your comics, movies, TV and other geeky needs.Freeza Heika wrote: for the land of the cool, and the home of the Appule
-
Jerseymilk
- Born 'n Bred Here
- Posts: 5477
- Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2004 2:01 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
You're up this early? I have an excuse: 1st day of classes of last semester (Waaaaah!!! 
). What's yours?! Or did you just not go to bed?
). What's yours?! Or did you just not go to bed?Captain Christopher Pike wrote:The away team will consist of myself, Cadet Kirk, Mr. Sulu, and Ensign Olsen.
The Geeky Gentleman: For all your comics, movies, TV and other geeky needs.Freeza Heika wrote: for the land of the cool, and the home of the Appule
-
Jerseymilk
- Born 'n Bred Here
- Posts: 5477
- Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2004 2:01 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
Hee hee. Thanks. That's why I made him an easily killed off twit. (Try and picture his death scene as a spinning top with the head stationary if you want it comedic style). My inspiration for him was Nappa. Distant relatives maybe? 
GAH! Evil french keyboard! I hate this school\s labs!
GAH! Evil french keyboard! I hate this school\s labs!
Captain Christopher Pike wrote:The away team will consist of myself, Cadet Kirk, Mr. Sulu, and Ensign Olsen.
The Geeky Gentleman: For all your comics, movies, TV and other geeky needs.Freeza Heika wrote: for the land of the cool, and the home of the Appule
-
Pirate Hunter
- Newbie
- Posts: 18
- Joined: Sun Jan 18, 2004 5:52 pm
- Location: This Place in Florida
-
Jerseymilk
- Born 'n Bred Here
- Posts: 5477
- Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2004 2:01 pm
- Location: Ontario, Canada
Dayspring wrote:
You know, you should make him Nappa's ancestor! It would be so deliciously ironic that Nappa's ancestor gets wasted by Vegita's ancestor, similar to the way Vegita himself wasted Nappa, like the old saying "history repeats itself".My inspiration for him was Nappa. Distant relatives maybe?