My Toriyama College Essay

[Mr. Announcer]

I know I said that I was apprehensive about writing a college essay remotely related to Dragonball, but I went through with it anyway because sadly, it's one of the only things I can write passionately about. I would appreciate anyone's critique and general comments.

The prompt was to indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you and to describe that influence. Sorry about this first paragraph...I had to brag and exaggerate a little to impress the admissions office right?

Personal Essay:

When I am not scrambling to finish an extended essay on the phylogeny of ancient mammals or preparing a presentation on historic ethical theories, my life is all about draftsmanship; becoming a better artist and sharing my creative works with my peers. To this aim, I have maintained an online art gallery that has become popular enough to merit a thousand visitors per day. Other artists will often comment on my tasteful color choices and the soul I convey through my drawings, but most flatteringly, they point out my style’s similarity to that of the world renowned manga artist, Akira Toriyama. This is no coincidence and though my current works are nowhere near his level, Toriyama has been one of my strongest influences in both art and life.

I first discovered his work through the popular cartoon “Dragonball Z”, a martial arts adventure with more episodes than stories in the Empire State Building. At the point which I had entered the story, the main character, Gokuh, was already dead and traveling along a giant snake road in the afterlife to receive training that would allow him to defeat two evil aliens from his home planet planning to destroy the earth within a year. Needless to say, I was hooked.

Most Americans tend to write Toriyama off as manga’s most shallow artist with a mind for nothing but musclemen and big explosions. For this simple man from the Japanese countryside, nothing could be farther from the truth. In fact, in a time when anime (Japanese cartoons) has become all about badass pretty boys with impossibly tragic lives and large breasted women with eyes half the size of their face, Toriyama remains a comedic story teller. His characters, whether they be werekoalas, near-sighted robot girls, or obese magical cats, are always caricatures rather than idealizations, full of the flavor of real life. His stories have all the charm of a fairytale but are never too lofty for a good poop joke.

I admire Akira Toriyama all the more for his humility and honesty with his audience. Though he is quite the recluse in terms of interviews and events, he enjoys a confidential relationship with his readers through the anonymity of a squat robot with a gas mask, his personal representation. His manga are full of humorous anecdotes depicting his embarrassment at injuring himself after falling off his back porch, his pride at showing off a new motorcycle or car, and his acceptance of his backwards country bumpkin habits.

Over the course of nine years spent following his various works, one surly little girl with no real dreams gained a whole new outlook on life. Toriyama has taught me that art isn’t just about beauty, it’s about expression, communication. He has taught me that drawing should be less about escape and more about taking inspiration from the richness of the world that we already live in. With these things in mind, I can see my horizons as an artist expand infinitely, and I owe it all to this man’s simple genius.


Corny I know....

[Chuquita]

Very well done! I like it. :3

[Sebastian (SB)]

Why am I crying ? ....... Woah! It's 2:40am.....Oh well, sleeping's for the weak .

I could relate to that article in more ways than one. I love it.

[Smooth Criminal]

Um, a couple of things:

1) This is just the introduction, right? You call that an essay?

2) This is a college-level piece of writing? I'm sorry but I would fail you automatically for using words like "badass" in your essay. It's really not acceptable. (Just re-read your post and realized this is an essay for admission. In that case, scrap this entire thing and start over.)

3) You really, really need to expand upon the actual purpose of the paper, which is to talk about the influence Toriyama had on your life. One paragraph isn't enough. Get into specifics.

I'm sorry but what I just read seems suitable for a forum post, not a college-level admissions essay.

[Sebastian (SB)]

I could imagine it's merely a sample. I personally don't care much for the specifics, but hey that's why I'm not a english teacher.

[Mr. Announcer]

It did seem rather short as I was writing it, but according to the prompt, it has to be within 250 to 500 words. There's another more academic essay that needs writing on the second part of the application though.

As for my vocabulary, I suppose it really isn't acceptable but I also wanted to express myself properly. Uhh....but yeah, if from your experience that's a serious problem then I'll go through and edit.

Thirdly, once again, word count constraints kept me from writing in as much detail as I wanted. It was really a struggle to trim things down.

[Mr.Piccolo]

Besides some of the words used, I found it to be a good read! Toriyama would be proud (That made it sound like he was dead or something )
-Rick