Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Any general discussion regarding fan-created works of the Dragon Ball franchise, including AMVs, fan-art, fan-fiction, etc.
User avatar
FoolsGil
Born 'n Bred Here
Posts: 5038
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 10:37 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by FoolsGil » Sat Jan 16, 2016 10:34 pm

I offer to write Scene 10, starting off.

jcogginsa
Advanced Regular
Posts: 1217
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2015 11:12 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by jcogginsa » Sat Jan 16, 2016 10:42 pm

FoolsGil wrote:I offer to write Scene 10, starting off.
Cool. I'll keep a list of who's claimed what so far

Scene 1

Scene 2: Written by FoolsGil

Scene 3: Written by FoolsGil

Scene 4: Written by me

Scene 5: Written by FoolsGil

Scene 6: Written by FoolsGil

Scene 7: Written by me

Scene 8: Claimed by FoolsGil

Scene 9: Claimed by me:

Scene 10: Written by FoolsGil

Scene 11: Written by me

Scene 12
Last edited by jcogginsa on Sun Jan 31, 2016 12:26 am, edited 6 times in total.

User avatar
ShadowBardock89
Advanced Regular
Posts: 1365
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 6:40 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by ShadowBardock89 » Sat Jan 16, 2016 10:56 pm

I'm not the best story writer in terms of overall plot (ask my friends when we did my Star Wars RPG. It sucked). I'm more of a character builder and can give the motivation of said characters.
Sorry.
http://www.kanzenshuu.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=40715&start=20#p1439892
http://dba.bn-ent.net/character/barduck.html
https://i.imgur.com/86hOk5i.gif

jcogginsa
Advanced Regular
Posts: 1217
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2015 11:12 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by jcogginsa » Sat Jan 16, 2016 10:59 pm

ShadowBardock89 wrote:I'm not the best story writer in terms of overall plot (ask my friends when we did my Star Wars RPG. It sucked). I'm more of a character builder and can give the motivation of said characters.
Sorry.
That's fine

jcogginsa
Advanced Regular
Posts: 1217
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2015 11:12 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by jcogginsa » Sun Jan 17, 2016 2:00 am

- Several of the fighters have arrived, and others are arriving through a portal. The T1 characters (minus Goku) arrive and are greeted by Whis. Whis asks whose fighting. Vegeta, Piccolo, Gohan, Goten, and Trunks step forward, but Whis says there's only four fighters allowed from each universe, so Goten and Trunks say they'll fuse and compete as Gotenks. Whis gives the fighters each a bandanna with the number of their universe on it.

-Goku notes that Gohan is dressed as Saiyaman, and Gohan nervously replies that he still can't find his Gi. Piccolo narrows his eyes, and thinks to himself that there's more to it than that.

-Chichi and the Ox King, present as Spectators, look around. Ox King points someone out of the crowd. The group is surprised to see An elderly looking Goku dressed in Saiyan clothes.
"Wow, that thing's pretty big," Goten said as he walked through the gateway to the tournament world, and saw the arena. He'd exchanged his old gi for one based on the one his father had worn in his latest batttle with Freeza

"Yeah, I wonder how many people can fit inside?" Trunks asked. Like Goten, he was wearing a new outfit, but his was based on his father's old Saiyan armor.

"Don't concern yourself with pointless matters," Vegeta chided his son, "Stay focused on the fights to come."

"Lighten up Vegeta, let the kids have a little fun," Gohan said, dressed in the same version of the Saiyaman outfit he'd worn to the World Martial Arts Tournament.

"It's that sort of attitude that will guarantee your loss," Vegeta retorted.

"Don't count him out yet," Piccolo butted in, "Me and Gohan have been training together since the last time Freeza attacked. You shouldn't underestimate us."

"Hey guys!" came the exuberant shout of Goku as he ran up to the group, Whis walking closely behind.

Goten met his father with a hug, prompting a warm smile from Gohan.

"This is a fairly large group," Whis observed, "Who shall compete in the tournament?"

Vegeta, Gohan, Piccolo, Trunks, and Goten stepped forward.

"Oh, I'm sorry, but only 4 fighter per universe may participate," Whis informed them.

"Dang it!" Trunks said, before turning to Goten, "So, which of us gets the spot?"

"I know, we'll Rock Paper Scissors for it!" Goten said with his ever present grin.

As the two began to play, and tie repeatedly, Goku said to Whis "You know, they're pretty young. Why don't I just take that spot?"

Vegeta immediately appeared by Goku's side, and smacked him on the back of the skull.

"Don't steal my son's spot you jackass!"

"Aw, but Vegeta, he might not even win the spot!" Goku complained, only for Chichi to grab his ear and shout into it,

"What about your son then? Are you just gonna steal his spot?"

"I'm sorry Goku, but I'm afraid Lord Beerus would be very displeased if I were to let you compete."

"Darn it..." Goku said dejectedly.

"All this noise is giving me a headache," Piccolo groused, "So in the interest of shutting some of it up I'll make a suggestion: The kids can fuse and compete as Gotenks."

"That's a great idea Mr. Piccolo!" Goten cheered.

"Whatever, fine by me," Trunks said, trying to look cool and disinterested.

Whis snapped a finger, and headbands materialized on Gohan, Piccolo, and Vegeta's heads. An extra large one appeared around both Goten and Trunks' heads, connecting them together. The number one was written on all of them.

"Beerus insisted that your timeline be Timeline 1, so I saved that one for when you got here," Whis explained, "Now if you'll excuse me I must get back to the gateway. The doors to the arena will open once everyone has arrived. In the meantime you can mingle out here. I understand some of the other spectators have set up food stalls nearby."

"Really? Awesome!" Goten shouted, over Trunks complaints, "Let's go get some dad!"

"Sure thing!" Goku said, picking up Goten and Trunks and running off with them on his shoulders.

"I'll go along with them, make sure they don't get into to much trouble," Gohan said to the others before running off after them.

As they ran, Goku said to Gohan, "By the way, why are you wearing that?"

Gohan rubbed the back of his head "Oh, I just still can't find my gi."

Bakc with the group, Piccolo's eyes narrowed.

'You're deceiving your father, Gohan?'

Meanwhile, the group began to disperse through the crowd.

"There are so many familiar faces here," Chichi commented, as she looked around

"That's right honey," her father said, before catching sight of something, "Look over there Chichi."

Chichi looked to where her father was pointing, and saw an elderly man wearing a headband with '3' printed on it. But what caught her attention was that...

"He looks almost exactly like Goku!" she exclaimed, "A bit older, and the mustache is new, but they've gotta be related!"

"He's wearing Saiyan armor...Do you think that could be Goku's father?" The Ox King speculated.

User avatar
FoolsGil
Born 'n Bred Here
Posts: 5038
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 10:37 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by FoolsGil » Sun Jan 17, 2016 1:35 pm

Scene 10:
I'll start on scene 5.

jcogginsa
Advanced Regular
Posts: 1217
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2015 11:12 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by jcogginsa » Sun Jan 17, 2016 1:46 pm

Nice work!

I think we're on the same wavelength, you put in a lot of details i Myself had thought of but not shared, like frieza being dead or the purple gi.

(Incidently, Frieza's death figures into my plan for the Kold vs. Bebi match)

jcogginsa
Advanced Regular
Posts: 1217
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2015 11:12 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by jcogginsa » Sun Jan 17, 2016 2:53 pm

BTW FoolsGil, if you need to know any background details for the characters in Scene 5, just ask and i'll fill you in.

User avatar
FoolsGil
Born 'n Bred Here
Posts: 5038
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 10:37 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by FoolsGil » Sun Jan 17, 2016 4:06 pm

jcogginsa wrote:BTW FoolsGil, if you need to know any background details for the characters in Scene 5, just ask and i'll fill you in.
Please do so. I assumed Goku and Vegeta are dead.

jcogginsa
Advanced Regular
Posts: 1217
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2015 11:12 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by jcogginsa » Sun Jan 17, 2016 4:57 pm

FoolsGil wrote:
jcogginsa wrote:BTW FoolsGil, if you need to know any background details for the characters in Scene 5, just ask and i'll fill you in.
Please do so. I assumed Goku and Vegeta are dead.
That's the backstory that leads up to where Bardock is now. Obviously you don't need to include all of that in the scene, it'll be revealed later in the story, but it'll help you understand Bardock's position currently.

If you have any other questions let me know

User avatar
FoolsGil
Born 'n Bred Here
Posts: 5038
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 10:37 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by FoolsGil » Sun Jan 17, 2016 8:26 pm

Scene 5
Last edited by FoolsGil on Mon Jan 18, 2016 1:55 am, edited 2 times in total.

jcogginsa
Advanced Regular
Posts: 1217
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2015 11:12 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by jcogginsa » Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:02 pm

Very nice.

I only recomend one thing.

I think it might be better if Gine said "It's nice to know that in some timelines, Kakarot grew up strong," instead of “It is nice to know that in some timelines, Kakarot did not grow up to be a failure."

I just think it fits her a little better.

In other news, i'll be claiming Scene 7

User avatar
FoolsGil
Born 'n Bred Here
Posts: 5038
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 10:37 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by FoolsGil » Sun Jan 17, 2016 9:15 pm

It's changed.

Since they're so tiny, I'll take scene two and three

User avatar
ShadowBardock89
Advanced Regular
Posts: 1365
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 6:40 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by ShadowBardock89 » Mon Jan 18, 2016 12:01 am

Can you add in Scene 5 this:
"Even though the blue one was physically imposing and was nearly as tall as Nappa once was, they could sense the red one was suppressing his power."
http://www.kanzenshuu.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=40715&start=20#p1439892
http://dba.bn-ent.net/character/barduck.html
https://i.imgur.com/86hOk5i.gif

User avatar
FoolsGil
Born 'n Bred Here
Posts: 5038
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 10:37 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by FoolsGil » Mon Jan 18, 2016 1:03 am

ShadowBardock89 wrote:Can you add in Scene 5 this:
"Even though the blue one was physically imposing and was nearly as tall as Nappa once was, they could sense the red one was suppressing his power."
I'm not sure how to place that sentence in there without it sounding weird.. If you rewrite that portion of the paragraph with the sentence you want in, I'll change it.

User avatar
ShadowBardock89
Advanced Regular
Posts: 1365
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 6:40 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by ShadowBardock89 » Mon Jan 18, 2016 1:37 am

FoolsGil wrote:Scene 5
http://www.kanzenshuu.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=40715&start=20#p1439892
http://dba.bn-ent.net/character/barduck.html
https://i.imgur.com/86hOk5i.gif

User avatar
FoolsGil
Born 'n Bred Here
Posts: 5038
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 10:37 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by FoolsGil » Mon Jan 18, 2016 1:56 am

And it has been changed. Thank you.

User avatar
FoolsGil
Born 'n Bred Here
Posts: 5038
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 10:37 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by FoolsGil » Tue Jan 19, 2016 7:40 pm

Scene Two and Three
Last edited by FoolsGil on Tue Jan 19, 2016 8:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

jcogginsa
Advanced Regular
Posts: 1217
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2015 11:12 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by jcogginsa » Tue Jan 19, 2016 7:49 pm

Excellent...though, there is one issue.

The world is supposed to be barren because the Androids killed everyone (And The Supreme Kai forgot to check for Android life on the planet)

That's why they show up later and try to start a fight

User avatar
FoolsGil
Born 'n Bred Here
Posts: 5038
Joined: Tue May 21, 2013 10:37 pm

Re: Dragonball Timestream (Group Writing Project)

Post by FoolsGil » Tue Jan 19, 2016 8:02 pm

jcogginsa wrote:Excellent...though, there is one issue.

The world is supposed to be barren because the Androids killed everyone (And The Supreme Kai forgot to check for Android life on the planet)

That's why they show up later and try to start a fight
Fix'd. I just figured those extra Androids were spectators from elsewhere.

Post Reply