Well, here it is. Chapter 1 of MY version of Dragon Ball GT. I hope you all enjoy it. It's the story of the ramifications of a wish made on the long lost Black Star Dragon Balls. I hope you enjoy the adventures of Son Goku, Pan, Trunks, Uub, and the little robot Giru as they set out on the adventure of a lifetime; a desperate search across the universe to find the 7 Black Star Dragon Balls and bring them back to Earth within one year in order to prevent the Earth from exploding!
Well, now that that's done, this is the fanmanga I was trying to get people to help me on in my other thread ("artist needed for a fan manga I want to create"). I'm pretty far into it, but I write on my own schedule so I'll be posting on my own schedule. And that schedule is whenever I feel like it. Yeah, that's right, bitches...... Um, ahem, OK then. Anyhoo (yeah, don't ask what THAT was), the thing is that I can only write so quickly so I'm going to be posting it chapter by chapter with a good amount of time in between posts so I don't end up doing what Toei did to the DB and DBZ animes (having to write excessive filler just to keep behind the manga), and also to wet your appetites and keep you in suspense (hopefully).
As for what I'm setting out to do in creating this story: It's almost universally accepted that GT "sucked". I'd say about 75% of this board has overwhelmingly bad feelings about GT. And even though I thoroughly enjoyed GT, I could see why others wouldn't. But one thing I've noticed reading conversations on this forum is that it's almost universally accepted by everyone who hated GT that the ideas were great, but just executed poorly. I agree. So my plan is to take those great ideas and execute them superbly (or as well as I can). And I can only think of one way of doing so.
Personally, though I can watch clips of the shows on Youtube, I am not a big fan of the DB and DBZ animes. I don't think they're all that great; the filler is excessive, the plot is filled with holes, the artwork is questionable in most scenes that aren't directly ripped out of the manga. That is, of course, only my opinion. I don't think the shows are terrible, but I don't think they're anything spectacular either. But, on the other hand, I think that the manga is beyond fantastic. I have all 42 volumes and am blown away every time I look in them. Incredible artwork, superior pacing, great dialogue and story. Fucking amazing! So what does this have to do with what I was saying in my previous paragraph? Pretty much, I believe that if GT's story had originally been part of the manga, it would have turned out so much better. So I want to present this as if it were extra chapters of the manga written by Toriyama himself. Obviously, there's no doubt that it's a fan created story and I wouldn't try to pass anything off as canon, it's just the presentation. I don't think GT should have to suck, and now we can have an alternative to Toei's version of the story.
I will tell you all now, I am a dubbie. I use both Funimation and Viz terminology depending on where I heard the name of the character/place/item/attack first or which one I like better. You will not see Son Gokou-kun launch the Genki Dama he learned from Kaio-sama at Yi Xing Long, but you will see Son Goku launch the Spirit Bomb he learned from King Kai at Omega Shenron. Don't worry, I use the manga as the definitive version for the characterization of my characters (yes, I know that sounded a little redundant). No heroic speeches by Goku about how he's the answer to all being who cry out for peace and justice. In writing the script for this fan manga, I watched the Funimation dub of GT and used the events and dialogue from that, often with lines taken directly from the dub. But this is FAR from a line by line regurgitation of the dub, I assure you. It's my own story.
The script was (and is currently being) written in Notepad with personal notes left to the person who was originally supposed to be doing the artwork. It was not originally intended to be publicly presented. Since it remains a script for a fan manga and not a fanfic in and of itself, I have no intention of changing it.
Oh, and due to name fillers, I believe I should tell you all that Hercule's name is H e r c u l e, Tien's is T i e n, and Frieza's is F r i e z a. Why? Because I like those names better.
Constructive criticism is always appreciated, but please stay on topic. Not to sound self-centered, but this IS a thread about my work, so keep the discussion on my work. If anyone wants to say anything about doing art for this, either PM me or put it on my other thread that I mentioned above. And no flame wars. Seriously. I don't care if that poster over there called Toriyama "Akira". I don't care whether or not the Daizenshuu was canon. I don't care about Super Saiyan 3 Gotenks's exact power level. I don't care whether or not the live action movie is going to suck. If you're going to start a flame war, do it somewhere else. If Mike shuts down this thread, I will hunt down the person responsible and send him/her to the next dimension. No just kidding, but I will be really pissed so seriously, DON'T GET THIS THREAD LOCKED.
Well that's that. As the old man says before each episode of the Chappelle Show, "Let's start the show!"
Joey Batz's definitive Dragon Ball GT
Uh... where? ^_^;
[quote="Brakus"]For all the flack that FUNimation gets on this forum for their quote about DBZ, there's some modicum of truth to it: a 9-year-old is born every day. Or in some cases, "reborn". DBZ may be a kids' show, but it's been so close to so many hearts all over Japan, America, and quite possibly, even the world.[/quote]
Chapter 1: A Devastating Wish
Narrator: "Planet Earth. A world that has seen more than its share of devastation has recently enjoyed a long overdue peace, thanks to the effort of Son Goku and his friends. Goku has spent the last 5 years separated from his friends and family, training a young fighter named Uub. The others have each forged their own path in the world, some training and growing stronger, some studying and researching, and some enjoying the finer pleasures of life.
Goku and his friends have always relied on the 7 magic Dragon Balls which, when gathered, can grant any wish, to keep their world safe from evil. However, on this day, 15 years of hard earned peace will come to an end. And the Dragon Balls won't be humanity's savior. They will be the cause of its suffering."
Put images of the Earth, Goku, the Z fighters doing their shit, and the Dragon Balls (however you want it).
Pilaf and Co. are on their way, but unseen.
Mai: "I don't know what's going on but its madness in there, Sire. This may not be the best time."
Pilaf: "You clueless idiot! There will never be a better time. It's the perfect diversion!"
Show images of the Lookout, and Goku fighting Uub. Dende and Popo are outside.
Dende: "We should never have let them have their fight in the Infinity Room. I know the Lookout was designed for this but the cracking floors are beginning to make me nervous."
Popo: "The room is supposed to contain the damage fighters cause when they are training, preventing the palace as a whole from being destroyed! It worked when he trained with Kami, but they are so much more powerful now."
Pilaf is making his way into the Lookout. Throw in whatever sight gags you want. Somewhere during the fight, Goku turns Super Saiyan 3. An explosion sends Pilaf and Co. into the Lookout. Pilaf and Co. are finally shown in full.
Pilaf (dazed): "Am I bleeding?"
Shuu (dazed): "Don't worry about me, sir. I'm fine."
Pilaf: "This will be the last indignity I ever suffer. No more hiding in space for years every time a monster like that Majin Buu shows his face! No more hiding from anybody! Before this day is through, all of Earth will tremble at the name Emperor Pilaf! My name will be synonimous with fear! And strength! Oh, and good looks! I will be known as King! King Emperor Pilaf!"
Goku: "It's over guys."
Dende: "Well? How'd it go?"
Goku: "He passed with flying colors. I was really impressed. Even as a Super Saiyan 3, I had a lot of trouble keeping up with him."
Uub: "Heh heh. I didn't exactly have an easy time myself, Goku."
Dende: "You should be proud of yourself, Uub. To give GOKU a good fight is no small feat. And to be able to attain such power in only 5 years is something else!"
Goku: "I'll tell what's something else. How hungry I am. Is there anything to eat in this place?"
Popo: "You haven't changed a bit from when you were little, haven't you? This way. I have prepared a meal for you two."
Pilaf (cackling evily): "I found them! I found them! At long last I've found them!"
Mai: "They don't look like any Dragon Balls I've ever seen. They look like ordinary rocks."
Pilaf (blows the dust on the BSDB's in Shuu's face): "Oh they don't? Well feast your eyes on these."
Mai: "The star on the Dragon Ball is black."
Pilaf: "Of course it is. These are the Black Star Dragon Balls. In this floating palace of the Guardian of Earth, there are many magical rooms with many different properties. The Infinity Room, the Pendulum Room, the Hyberbolic Time Chamber, the Planetary Central AC Control Room. But none hold a secret greater than this forgotten tomb, The Room That Time Forgot. A mausoleum that exists in another dimension, like almost every room in this Lookout. No radar, not even a Dragon Ball detection radar, can detect the contents of this room. The contents which I claim as my very own! The Black Star Dragon Balls!"
Shuu: "What's so special about these?"
Pilaf (throws DB at Shuu's face): "You fool! If you were a master researcher like me, you'd know that these Dragon Balls were made by Kami BEFORE he split into two!"
Shuu and Mai look at each other.
Mai: ".....Master researcher?"
Pilaf: "Because Kami was so much more powerful before he purged the evil within him that became the Great Demon King Piccolo, these Dragon Balls are that much more powerful than the regular ones!"
Shuu: "Please don't mention the Great Demon King, sire! That was a bad experience."
Mai: "Why do you need a more powerful set of Dragon Balls? Aren't the other Dragon Balls perfectly capable of granting you control of this world?"
Pilaf: "Idiot! Haven't we been thwarted time and time again, even when we had the Dragon Balls in our possession!? They cannot grant a wish that exceeds the power of the one who created it, so I sought these new balls out because they are much more powerful. Powerful enough....TO WISH FOR THE DEATH OF EVERY BEING WHO COULD POSSIBLY STAND IN THE WAY OF MY GOAL OF WORLD DOMINATION!!!! Now, you two, pick these up and let's get back outside. Oh....AND YOU SHOULD BE PROUD THAT YOU WORK FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN HONESTLY CALL HIMSELF A 'MASTER RESEARCHER'!!!!!!"
Mai: "Of course we are, sir."
Shuu: "Very proud."
Everyone is eating. Goku is wolfing down his food.
Dende: "You're right, Mr. Popo. Goku certainly hasn't changed one bit."
Popo: "Actually, his table manners have improved drastically."
Uub: "When Goku once brought over enough food to feed my village 3 times over with money given to him from the Capsule Corp, he ate half of it within one day."
Goku (burps): "Wow, what a great meal!.......I'm up for seconds!" Cue falling-over-when-someone-does-something-stupid sight gag.
They begin walking out.
Goku: "I think I'd better get home to my family. I haven't been home in a few years and my wife is going to be a little annoyed. You should get home to your family too, Uub."
Uub: "Goku, I can't thank you enough for taking me on as your apprentice. The things we can do, the feats we can accomplish, when I was a kid I never thought such things were possible." (they shake hands) "You changed my life."
Goku: "I should be thanking you. I've waited for years for a student than I can train from the basics. Someone who hasn't been trained first by others, and someone who was actually interested in fighting the way I am. My own sons have never been fighters at heart, but you're different Uub. Thank you."
Pilaf and Co. have gathered the Dragon Balls.
Pilaf (cackling evilly): "Eternal Dragon! By your name, I summon thee! BLACK STAR SHENRON!!!"
The good guys, walking by, notice lights coming from the dome or whereever Pilaf is. Goku heads over to investigate.
Black Star Shenron emerges.
BS Shenron: "Reflect upon your desires, mortals. For I shall grant any wish, but only one."
Pilaf: "At last, my dreams will finally--"
Goku: "Hey, what's going on over here!" Goku enters. Goku: "Who's there?"
Mai: "WAAAHH!!"
Shuu: "It's him!! It's that kid!"
Goku: "Hey, I know you guys, don't I? I can't place it, but you look familiar."
Pilaf: "No, no, you must have me confused with someone else. There's a lot of celebrities that I resemble, heh heh. (whistles nervously)"
Mai: "I can't believe now of all times we run into that little kid, Goku. Except now he's all grown up and with a body that looks like it was chiseled out of marble."
Goku: "Oh I remember you guys now! You're Emperor Pilaf, right? Long time no see. What's up?"
Pilaf: "What's up? What's up!? What's up with you ruining my plans every single time I try to conquer the world? State-of-the-art mechs, demon kings risen from captivity, you've beaten them all and destroyed my dreams and you're asking me 'What's up'!? What's up is your death! Shuu, Mai! Get him!"
They shoot the missiles and he blocks it just like in the show.
Goku: "All these years and the three of you are still up to no good."
Pilaf: "And all these years, you're still a nuisance, except you've grown from a little one into a big one."
Goku: "Well you're the bad guys, remember? I'm supposed to stop your evil plans."
Pilaf: "Agh! Get away from me! You're three times my size!" Next panel focuses on Shenron. Pilaf: "I wish you were a little kid so I could really teach you a lesson!"
BS Shenron: "So be it!"
Dende, Popo, and Uub run in as Goku is turned into a little kid.
Popo: "Goku!"
Goku: "Wow, the room got a lot bigger somehow. Huh. That's weird. Pilaf's the size of a normal person now."
Dende: "Go...ku...?"
BS Shenron: "Your wish is granted! Fare thee well!" He disappears and the BSDB's fly off.
Pilaf: "Wait! Don't go, Dragon, please. Aw back to the drawing board, I guess."
Shuu: "What's for dinner?"
Mai: "Emperor Pilaf's foot."
Shuu: "...I don't get it."
Goku: "So, do I actually have to go to school this time around?"
Closeup shot of Piccolo (directly stolen from the episode when Baby comes to Earth)
Piccolo: "A tremor in the Earth's spirit. Something terrible has happened..... Oh no, a wish wasn't made on...THEM!?"
Popo has just finished telling them what the BSDB's are.
Goku: "And you're saying that these Black Star Dragon Balls have been hidden in that mausoleum ever since?
Popo: "Yes."
Uub: "This is horrible."
Goku: "What are you guys so worried about? I can just ask the regular Shenron to make me an adult again."
Popo: "No, the Dragon Balls that are connected to Dende's lifeforce don't have anywhere near the power of the Black Star Dragon Balls. They cannot reverse a wish made on these balls. The only way to turn you back into an adult is to find the Black Star Dragon Balls and ask THAT dragon to turn you back."
Goku: "Is that all? That's fine. Being a kid again might be kind of fun. Hey, Uub, in a year I can take you on your first Dragon Ball hunt! How does that sound? I'll introduce you to my family and we'll all go together! Great, huh?"
Uub: "Uh..."
Popo: "It's not that simple. Once a wish is made, they don't turn to stone like the Dragon Balls you're accustomed to. Instead, there's another downside. Instead of scattering across the Earth, they scatter across the entire galaxy! They can be on any moon, any planet, ANYWHERE in the North Galaxy!"
Goku: .......Oh........ Well, I guess I have to just grow up normally then. Heh heh, wait 'til my sons find out that I'm younger than they are! That'll be funny! Anyway, thanks for letting me use this place for training! Goodbye, Uub!" Runs toward the edge of the Lookout.
Uub: "H-hey wait, let me come with you! I'll try to help explain this to your family." Runs after him.
Popo: "Wait, there's more! Goku!"
Dende: "Wow, nothing ever fazes him, does it?"
Goku tries to fly, but can't.
Goku: "What? Hey, why can't I fly!?"
Uub: "Goku! What's the matter!?
Goku: "I don't know! I can't fly! AAAGH!!!"
Uub: "No! Flying Nimbus! Catch him!!"
Nimbus cloud comes and catches Goku moments before he hits the ground. Upa (muscular) and Bora (elderly) look like they're in shock. Goku rides Nimbus up above the tree line. Uub hovers in front of him.
Goku: "Thanks, Nimbus".
Uub: "Goku, what happened?"
Goku: "I don't know. I flew, or at least I tried to. I did everything the way I normally do it except...nothing happened. It felt weird though, like it wasn't my body I was trying to make fly."
Uub: "...Wasn't...?"
Goku: "I don't know, it's hard to explain. It sort of reminds me a bit like when I switched bodies with this guy named Captain Ginyu. I moved like I normally do, but my body didn't respond the way it was supposed to. I feel so weak, too. Like my energy is all there except it doesn't want to do anything. I can't explain it."
They pause in confusion for one panel, pondering this.
Uub: "Goku, come at me. Fight me as hard as you can."
Goku: "Huh, why?"
Uub: "Just do it. I want to see something."
Goku: "OK, if you say so."
They go to the ground and Goku throws punches and kicks at Uub. Nothing connects even though Goku is giving everything he's got and Uub isn't even trying. They stop.
Goku: "W-w-w-wha?"
Uub: "Just as I thought. I sensed you had gotten a lot weaker, and what you said before clinched it for me. You didn't notice it, but I sure did."
Goku (gasps): "You're right!" Tries to power up. "I-I can't turn Super Saiyan! I can't even generate an aura!"
Uub: "I guess it's reasonable to say that, along with your adult body, you lost your adult strength and the techniques you've learned as an adult."
Goku: "I can't be that much stronger than I was when I killed the original King Piccolo!!!............Oh well, I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat."
Uub does falling-down-when-someone-does-something-stupid sight gag.
Pan and her guy friend (not a date, since she's only 9) are walking through the city streets.
Friend: "Wow, can you belief how much homework these teachers are giving us now? Man, it'll take me 10 years to get all this done."
Pan: "I'm with you. I'd definitely rather be doing something else."
Friend: "You wanna go to the park?"
Pan: "I don't know. Hey, look, a movie! Killer Kung Fu Zombie Toads 5! I forgot that came out today and I've been DYING to see it! You wanna go see?"
Friend: "Whoa, you're into Killer Kung Fu Zombie Toads? But, like, you're a girl!"
Pan: "So? Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm only into girly stuff."
Friend: "I-I, that's not what I meant!"
Three crooks have taken a woman hostage outside a bank. An army of cops is out there.
Lead Crook: "Just put your weapons away and no one gets hurt, alright? All we want is the loot!"
Cop on Megaphone: "Put your weapons down and place your hands behind your head! This is your last warning."
Lead Crook (to other crooks): "Don't worry boys, they can't do anything as long as we got us this hostage."
Pan and her friend are talking to a cop doing crowd control.
Cop: "A movie? Sorry kid, we got a hostage situation. So why don't you take your boyfriend and go play somewhere else?"
Goku and Uub, who had been walking through the city looking for food, have stumbled upon the crowd. Another crowd control cop won't let them through, just like with Pan.
Cop: "Sorry, kiddo, you'll have to just head to a burger joint up the block or something. We've got some bank robbers to deal with here."
Uub (to Goku): "A bank robbery?"
Pan: "If they think they can go ahead and ruin this beautiful day for me, I'll show them!"
Pan jumps on top of a police car at the front.
Pan: "I don't know who you are, but let that woman go and hand over the money you stole from the bank!"
Lead Crook: "Who do you think you are, little girl?"
Pan: "I'm someone who isn't planning on missing an important movie because some jerks decided to break the law!"
Lead Crook: "I don't have time for this. Open fire on cops and put a bullet in the brat's brain. Maybe a dead child will show them we mean business."
Goku (doing those stretching exercises he always does before a fight): "Maybe this will be a good warmup. You know, to get used to my new body since I'm going to be in it for awhile."
Uub: "Do you want my help, Goku?"
Goku: "Maybe when the next bank gets robbed. For the moment, I just want to get used to fighting as a kid."
Pan kicks the police siren into the crook's face.
Lead Crook: "What? You're dead, kid!"
Goku: "Excuse me. Taking hostages is not a very nice thing to do. And neither is stealing what doesn't belong to you. And neither is threatening to kill a child. I'll give you one chance to say you're sorry and leave."
Lead Crook: "Oh please, what are you going to do, kid?"
Goku: "Kid? Wha-? Oh, right. Anyway, I'm gonna--huh?"
Pan is flying Goku a few feet away from the action.
Uub: "D-did that little girl just fly? Who is she?"
Pan: "I appreciate the help, little boy, but I don't think this is a place for children. Your mom would be very unhappy if you got hurt."
Goku: "But you don't--"
Pan: "Leave this for the big kids. I'm older and I have much more experience. Now why don't you run along? Come on."
A second crook attacks, but Pan takes him down.
Lead Crook: "WHAT!? What's wrong with you nitwits?"
The hostage breaks out of his grasp while he's off guard. She runs and he aims his handgun at her head.
Uub: "Oh no!"
The crook fires his gun. Uub disappears and reappears between them, having just caught the bullet inches from her head. He prepares to attack.
Pan: "Oh no, another one?"
She flies over, grabs him, and moves him towards the cops before he can do anything. Goku leaps and prepares to hit the burglar with a flying kick but is once again caught by Pan.
Pan: "I don't know if you're with that older boy, but I mean it when I say get lost! This is no place for a little kid!"
Goku: "But I'm not a little kid."
The Lead Crook grunts as he hides behind a pillar and aims at Pan. Pan turns and leaps toward the pillar and punches straight through it, sending the robber flying into the wall. She hops back to the exact spot she was just standing when talking to Goku.
Pan: "Look, I understand that you want to be like an adult, but trust me, you aren't there yet. You're still a little kid, so just enjoy the years you have left as one, why don'cha?"
Pan walks towards her friend, who's sneaking away.
Pan: "Hey, ready for that movie?"
Friend: "Yeah, uh, about that."
Pan: "Yeah?"
Friend: "Yeah, so like, I have to get home. It's my curfew. My parents want me, like, home and in bed, you know?"
Pan: "But it's 2 in the afternoon."
Friend: "Yeah, they're like really strict. And they don't want me being friends with anyone who can punch through a concrete pillar. Bye!" He runs out.
Pan: "What? I hate boys!" Goku and Uub walk over to her. "Why do boys have to be so mean and stupid!?"
Goku: "I'm sorry. I'll be less mean and stupid next time."
Pan: "NOT YOU, STUPID!!"
Goku: "Well, anyway, we're going to get something to eat. Would you like to come with us?"
Pan: "No, I don't want to come with you. I hate all boys, remember? You're all stupid little punks that can't handle it when a woman is stronger than you!"
Goku: "But I thought you said you weren't talking about me?"
Pan: "WILL YOU BE QUIET!?"
Uub: "Come on, Goku, let's leave her alone."
Goku: "OK."
Pan: "What?"
Pan (thinking to herself): "Goku, that's the name of my grandpa. Come to think of it, he looks just like him, except he's younger than me. I wonder if he knows Grandpa?"
Roshi: "Pan! Is that you!?"
Goku and Pan simultaneously: "Master Roshi, what are you doing here?"
Goku: "Pan?"
Pan (thinking to herself): "Now there's definitely something weird going on. He knows Master Roshi? And this village boy he's with? Grandpa left to go train a boy from a remote village. This kid can't be....Grandpa Goku's illegitimate son!! Can he?"
Master Roshi is grabbing girl's asses left and right. Now that's the life.
Roshi: "Boy, beautiful women all around. Maybe I'll just let that Turtle have the island and I'll let myself be taken care of by some of these fine young ladies.
Pan: "You know, maybe they don't like you grabbing their butts all the time."
Roshi: "Are you kidding? All of these fine young ladies dream of being so close to a celebrity such as myself."
Pan: "You? A celebrity? Since when?"
Roshi: "Young lady, I've been a well known martial arts master before your great grandparents were even alive. I used to be known as the best in the world and have trained students that have become fairly well known in the realm of martial arts, including Son Gohan who your father was named after, and your grandfather Goku. Matter of fact, I must say that kid standing next to you is the spitting image of your grandfather."
Goku: "Master Roshi! How've you been? You haven't changed at all!"
Roshi: "OK now that's just creepy. I must have been hallucinating and seeing visions of Goku, because that kid sounds like Goku too, AND he knows my name."
Goku: "Of course I know you, Master Roshi. It's me, Goku! Son Goku! The same Son Goku you trained all those years ago along with Krillin!"
Roshi: "G-G-G-Goku? GOKU! It really is you! After all these years! But, how is it that you're a little kid?"
Pan (thinking to herself): "That can't be right. There's no way that kid could be my grandpa! It just doesn't make sense. He's a kid!"
Roshi: "So how is it that you're younger now than you were when I last saw you?."
Goku: "I was accidentally wished to be a kid after someone used the Dragon Balls to summon the Eternal Dragon."
Pan (thinking to herself): "No way! This day has got to be some sort of dream! Or a nightmare! Or at least an elaborate practical joke!"
Goku: "I wonder if Chi-Chi's mad at me for being gone so long?"
Pan: "You are not my grandpa! I've got stuffed animals at home bigger than you! You should be an old man or something!"
Goku: "Wait, Master Roshi called you Pan before. That would make you....my granddaughter Pan!?"
Roshi: "Yup, she's grown up a bit since you last saw her. She's, what, 9 now?"
Goku: "Oh wow! It's so great to see you again Pan! You've become an awesome fighter. I guess fighting is in the genes." He turns to Uub. "Hey, Uub, remember how I wanted to introduce you to my family and friends? Well, first let me introduce you to my granddaughter Pan."
Pan: "I can't believe you're my grandpa!"
Roshi: "I can't believe Goku's finally back!"
Uub: "I can't believe how mature that girl acts for a 9 year old."
Goku: "I can't believe how hungry I am."
Gohan: "So pretty much, this Pilaf character just happened to be there while you two were training."
Goku: "That's right. I didn't even realize he summoned the Eternal Dragon. He made the wish and--poof--I'm a kid again."
Chi-Chi (crying): "For years, he leaves his wife and two sons, training some kid from a far off village, and now that he's back, THIS HAPPENS! I bet you did this on purpose."
Goku: "No I didn't, Chi-Chi. Honest. I liked being old."
Uub: "It is true, ma'am. Goku isn't responsible for this. There's nothing that could have been done to prevent it."
Chi-Chi: "Oh what do you know!? You don't have a husband who's never around, do you!?"
Uub: "Uh, no...."
Gohan: "Now you said that the Black Star Dragon Balls scattered throughout the entire North Galaxy, right?"
Goku: "Yeah that's right."
Gohan: "And there's no chance that King Kai can help us locate them?"
Goku: "I don't think so. He watches over the Northern Galaxy, but he can't see everything."
Gohan: "Alright, if that's the case, it may be easier to just grow up normally. May be easier on your body, too."
Chi-Chi: "Are you kidding me!? I was already aging faster than him as it was. But this! This is--!!"
Videl: "Chi-Chi, calm down."
Piccolo: "Your marital woes are the least of our problems."
Piccolo is standing in the room's entranceway.
Gohan: "Piccolo, when did you get here?"
Chi-Chi: "And HOW did you get in here?"
Piccolo: "Nevermind that. I spoke to Dende. I see what he says is true. You're a child again. And you're about as weak as you were when you defeated my father."
Goku: "Weak?...Heh heh heh heh, yeah I guess I am pretty weak now. Oh well, at least I get to train all over again. This'll be fun!"
Piccolo (growls): "We don't have time for that! We have bigger problems at hand! You never let Popo finish telling you about the Black Star Dragon Balls! Now listen. These Dragon Balls were made when Kami and I were one, and when his heart was still corrupted with evil. The negative energy in his body corrupted the Dragon Balls he created, which is why they have a black star on them instead of the normal red. When a wish is made, negative energy begins swelling up inside the core of the planet it's made on. The rate of energy build-up depends on the planet, but no matter what, once the planet makes one full revolution around its star, the energy becomes too much for the core to contain. The only thing that can safely dissipate that energy is the presence of the Black Star Dragon Balls!"
Everybody but Goku and Uub: "WHAT!?" "OH NO!", etc.
Goku: "I didn't understand a word of that."
Uub: "I think my village could have benefitted from a school."
Piccolo: "I'm saying that if we don't find the Dragon Balls and bring them back to Earth within 1 year, then the Earth will explode!"
Narrator: "Planet Earth. A world that has seen more than its share of devastation has recently enjoyed a long overdue peace, thanks to the effort of Son Goku and his friends. Goku has spent the last 5 years separated from his friends and family, training a young fighter named Uub. The others have each forged their own path in the world, some training and growing stronger, some studying and researching, and some enjoying the finer pleasures of life.
Goku and his friends have always relied on the 7 magic Dragon Balls which, when gathered, can grant any wish, to keep their world safe from evil. However, on this day, 15 years of hard earned peace will come to an end. And the Dragon Balls won't be humanity's savior. They will be the cause of its suffering."
Put images of the Earth, Goku, the Z fighters doing their shit, and the Dragon Balls (however you want it).
Pilaf and Co. are on their way, but unseen.
Mai: "I don't know what's going on but its madness in there, Sire. This may not be the best time."
Pilaf: "You clueless idiot! There will never be a better time. It's the perfect diversion!"
Show images of the Lookout, and Goku fighting Uub. Dende and Popo are outside.
Dende: "We should never have let them have their fight in the Infinity Room. I know the Lookout was designed for this but the cracking floors are beginning to make me nervous."
Popo: "The room is supposed to contain the damage fighters cause when they are training, preventing the palace as a whole from being destroyed! It worked when he trained with Kami, but they are so much more powerful now."
Pilaf is making his way into the Lookout. Throw in whatever sight gags you want. Somewhere during the fight, Goku turns Super Saiyan 3. An explosion sends Pilaf and Co. into the Lookout. Pilaf and Co. are finally shown in full.
Pilaf (dazed): "Am I bleeding?"
Shuu (dazed): "Don't worry about me, sir. I'm fine."
Pilaf: "This will be the last indignity I ever suffer. No more hiding in space for years every time a monster like that Majin Buu shows his face! No more hiding from anybody! Before this day is through, all of Earth will tremble at the name Emperor Pilaf! My name will be synonimous with fear! And strength! Oh, and good looks! I will be known as King! King Emperor Pilaf!"
Goku: "It's over guys."
Dende: "Well? How'd it go?"
Goku: "He passed with flying colors. I was really impressed. Even as a Super Saiyan 3, I had a lot of trouble keeping up with him."
Uub: "Heh heh. I didn't exactly have an easy time myself, Goku."
Dende: "You should be proud of yourself, Uub. To give GOKU a good fight is no small feat. And to be able to attain such power in only 5 years is something else!"
Goku: "I'll tell what's something else. How hungry I am. Is there anything to eat in this place?"
Popo: "You haven't changed a bit from when you were little, haven't you? This way. I have prepared a meal for you two."
Pilaf (cackling evily): "I found them! I found them! At long last I've found them!"
Mai: "They don't look like any Dragon Balls I've ever seen. They look like ordinary rocks."
Pilaf (blows the dust on the BSDB's in Shuu's face): "Oh they don't? Well feast your eyes on these."
Mai: "The star on the Dragon Ball is black."
Pilaf: "Of course it is. These are the Black Star Dragon Balls. In this floating palace of the Guardian of Earth, there are many magical rooms with many different properties. The Infinity Room, the Pendulum Room, the Hyberbolic Time Chamber, the Planetary Central AC Control Room. But none hold a secret greater than this forgotten tomb, The Room That Time Forgot. A mausoleum that exists in another dimension, like almost every room in this Lookout. No radar, not even a Dragon Ball detection radar, can detect the contents of this room. The contents which I claim as my very own! The Black Star Dragon Balls!"
Shuu: "What's so special about these?"
Pilaf (throws DB at Shuu's face): "You fool! If you were a master researcher like me, you'd know that these Dragon Balls were made by Kami BEFORE he split into two!"
Shuu and Mai look at each other.
Mai: ".....Master researcher?"
Pilaf: "Because Kami was so much more powerful before he purged the evil within him that became the Great Demon King Piccolo, these Dragon Balls are that much more powerful than the regular ones!"
Shuu: "Please don't mention the Great Demon King, sire! That was a bad experience."
Mai: "Why do you need a more powerful set of Dragon Balls? Aren't the other Dragon Balls perfectly capable of granting you control of this world?"
Pilaf: "Idiot! Haven't we been thwarted time and time again, even when we had the Dragon Balls in our possession!? They cannot grant a wish that exceeds the power of the one who created it, so I sought these new balls out because they are much more powerful. Powerful enough....TO WISH FOR THE DEATH OF EVERY BEING WHO COULD POSSIBLY STAND IN THE WAY OF MY GOAL OF WORLD DOMINATION!!!! Now, you two, pick these up and let's get back outside. Oh....AND YOU SHOULD BE PROUD THAT YOU WORK FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN HONESTLY CALL HIMSELF A 'MASTER RESEARCHER'!!!!!!"
Mai: "Of course we are, sir."
Shuu: "Very proud."
Everyone is eating. Goku is wolfing down his food.
Dende: "You're right, Mr. Popo. Goku certainly hasn't changed one bit."
Popo: "Actually, his table manners have improved drastically."
Uub: "When Goku once brought over enough food to feed my village 3 times over with money given to him from the Capsule Corp, he ate half of it within one day."
Goku (burps): "Wow, what a great meal!.......I'm up for seconds!" Cue falling-over-when-someone-does-something-stupid sight gag.
They begin walking out.
Goku: "I think I'd better get home to my family. I haven't been home in a few years and my wife is going to be a little annoyed. You should get home to your family too, Uub."
Uub: "Goku, I can't thank you enough for taking me on as your apprentice. The things we can do, the feats we can accomplish, when I was a kid I never thought such things were possible." (they shake hands) "You changed my life."
Goku: "I should be thanking you. I've waited for years for a student than I can train from the basics. Someone who hasn't been trained first by others, and someone who was actually interested in fighting the way I am. My own sons have never been fighters at heart, but you're different Uub. Thank you."
Pilaf and Co. have gathered the Dragon Balls.
Pilaf (cackling evilly): "Eternal Dragon! By your name, I summon thee! BLACK STAR SHENRON!!!"
The good guys, walking by, notice lights coming from the dome or whereever Pilaf is. Goku heads over to investigate.
Black Star Shenron emerges.
BS Shenron: "Reflect upon your desires, mortals. For I shall grant any wish, but only one."
Pilaf: "At last, my dreams will finally--"
Goku: "Hey, what's going on over here!" Goku enters. Goku: "Who's there?"
Mai: "WAAAHH!!"
Shuu: "It's him!! It's that kid!"
Goku: "Hey, I know you guys, don't I? I can't place it, but you look familiar."
Pilaf: "No, no, you must have me confused with someone else. There's a lot of celebrities that I resemble, heh heh. (whistles nervously)"
Mai: "I can't believe now of all times we run into that little kid, Goku. Except now he's all grown up and with a body that looks like it was chiseled out of marble."
Goku: "Oh I remember you guys now! You're Emperor Pilaf, right? Long time no see. What's up?"
Pilaf: "What's up? What's up!? What's up with you ruining my plans every single time I try to conquer the world? State-of-the-art mechs, demon kings risen from captivity, you've beaten them all and destroyed my dreams and you're asking me 'What's up'!? What's up is your death! Shuu, Mai! Get him!"
They shoot the missiles and he blocks it just like in the show.
Goku: "All these years and the three of you are still up to no good."
Pilaf: "And all these years, you're still a nuisance, except you've grown from a little one into a big one."
Goku: "Well you're the bad guys, remember? I'm supposed to stop your evil plans."
Pilaf: "Agh! Get away from me! You're three times my size!" Next panel focuses on Shenron. Pilaf: "I wish you were a little kid so I could really teach you a lesson!"
BS Shenron: "So be it!"
Dende, Popo, and Uub run in as Goku is turned into a little kid.
Popo: "Goku!"
Goku: "Wow, the room got a lot bigger somehow. Huh. That's weird. Pilaf's the size of a normal person now."
Dende: "Go...ku...?"
BS Shenron: "Your wish is granted! Fare thee well!" He disappears and the BSDB's fly off.
Pilaf: "Wait! Don't go, Dragon, please. Aw back to the drawing board, I guess."
Shuu: "What's for dinner?"
Mai: "Emperor Pilaf's foot."
Shuu: "...I don't get it."
Goku: "So, do I actually have to go to school this time around?"
Closeup shot of Piccolo (directly stolen from the episode when Baby comes to Earth)
Piccolo: "A tremor in the Earth's spirit. Something terrible has happened..... Oh no, a wish wasn't made on...THEM!?"
Popo has just finished telling them what the BSDB's are.
Goku: "And you're saying that these Black Star Dragon Balls have been hidden in that mausoleum ever since?
Popo: "Yes."
Uub: "This is horrible."
Goku: "What are you guys so worried about? I can just ask the regular Shenron to make me an adult again."
Popo: "No, the Dragon Balls that are connected to Dende's lifeforce don't have anywhere near the power of the Black Star Dragon Balls. They cannot reverse a wish made on these balls. The only way to turn you back into an adult is to find the Black Star Dragon Balls and ask THAT dragon to turn you back."
Goku: "Is that all? That's fine. Being a kid again might be kind of fun. Hey, Uub, in a year I can take you on your first Dragon Ball hunt! How does that sound? I'll introduce you to my family and we'll all go together! Great, huh?"
Uub: "Uh..."
Popo: "It's not that simple. Once a wish is made, they don't turn to stone like the Dragon Balls you're accustomed to. Instead, there's another downside. Instead of scattering across the Earth, they scatter across the entire galaxy! They can be on any moon, any planet, ANYWHERE in the North Galaxy!"
Goku: .......Oh........ Well, I guess I have to just grow up normally then. Heh heh, wait 'til my sons find out that I'm younger than they are! That'll be funny! Anyway, thanks for letting me use this place for training! Goodbye, Uub!" Runs toward the edge of the Lookout.
Uub: "H-hey wait, let me come with you! I'll try to help explain this to your family." Runs after him.
Popo: "Wait, there's more! Goku!"
Dende: "Wow, nothing ever fazes him, does it?"
Goku tries to fly, but can't.
Goku: "What? Hey, why can't I fly!?"
Uub: "Goku! What's the matter!?
Goku: "I don't know! I can't fly! AAAGH!!!"
Uub: "No! Flying Nimbus! Catch him!!"
Nimbus cloud comes and catches Goku moments before he hits the ground. Upa (muscular) and Bora (elderly) look like they're in shock. Goku rides Nimbus up above the tree line. Uub hovers in front of him.
Goku: "Thanks, Nimbus".
Uub: "Goku, what happened?"
Goku: "I don't know. I flew, or at least I tried to. I did everything the way I normally do it except...nothing happened. It felt weird though, like it wasn't my body I was trying to make fly."
Uub: "...Wasn't...?"
Goku: "I don't know, it's hard to explain. It sort of reminds me a bit like when I switched bodies with this guy named Captain Ginyu. I moved like I normally do, but my body didn't respond the way it was supposed to. I feel so weak, too. Like my energy is all there except it doesn't want to do anything. I can't explain it."
They pause in confusion for one panel, pondering this.
Uub: "Goku, come at me. Fight me as hard as you can."
Goku: "Huh, why?"
Uub: "Just do it. I want to see something."
Goku: "OK, if you say so."
They go to the ground and Goku throws punches and kicks at Uub. Nothing connects even though Goku is giving everything he's got and Uub isn't even trying. They stop.
Goku: "W-w-w-wha?"
Uub: "Just as I thought. I sensed you had gotten a lot weaker, and what you said before clinched it for me. You didn't notice it, but I sure did."
Goku (gasps): "You're right!" Tries to power up. "I-I can't turn Super Saiyan! I can't even generate an aura!"
Uub: "I guess it's reasonable to say that, along with your adult body, you lost your adult strength and the techniques you've learned as an adult."
Goku: "I can't be that much stronger than I was when I killed the original King Piccolo!!!............Oh well, I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat."
Uub does falling-down-when-someone-does-something-stupid sight gag.
Pan and her guy friend (not a date, since she's only 9) are walking through the city streets.
Friend: "Wow, can you belief how much homework these teachers are giving us now? Man, it'll take me 10 years to get all this done."
Pan: "I'm with you. I'd definitely rather be doing something else."
Friend: "You wanna go to the park?"
Pan: "I don't know. Hey, look, a movie! Killer Kung Fu Zombie Toads 5! I forgot that came out today and I've been DYING to see it! You wanna go see?"
Friend: "Whoa, you're into Killer Kung Fu Zombie Toads? But, like, you're a girl!"
Pan: "So? Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm only into girly stuff."
Friend: "I-I, that's not what I meant!"
Three crooks have taken a woman hostage outside a bank. An army of cops is out there.
Lead Crook: "Just put your weapons away and no one gets hurt, alright? All we want is the loot!"
Cop on Megaphone: "Put your weapons down and place your hands behind your head! This is your last warning."
Lead Crook (to other crooks): "Don't worry boys, they can't do anything as long as we got us this hostage."
Pan and her friend are talking to a cop doing crowd control.
Cop: "A movie? Sorry kid, we got a hostage situation. So why don't you take your boyfriend and go play somewhere else?"
Goku and Uub, who had been walking through the city looking for food, have stumbled upon the crowd. Another crowd control cop won't let them through, just like with Pan.
Cop: "Sorry, kiddo, you'll have to just head to a burger joint up the block or something. We've got some bank robbers to deal with here."
Uub (to Goku): "A bank robbery?"
Pan: "If they think they can go ahead and ruin this beautiful day for me, I'll show them!"
Pan jumps on top of a police car at the front.
Pan: "I don't know who you are, but let that woman go and hand over the money you stole from the bank!"
Lead Crook: "Who do you think you are, little girl?"
Pan: "I'm someone who isn't planning on missing an important movie because some jerks decided to break the law!"
Lead Crook: "I don't have time for this. Open fire on cops and put a bullet in the brat's brain. Maybe a dead child will show them we mean business."
Goku (doing those stretching exercises he always does before a fight): "Maybe this will be a good warmup. You know, to get used to my new body since I'm going to be in it for awhile."
Uub: "Do you want my help, Goku?"
Goku: "Maybe when the next bank gets robbed. For the moment, I just want to get used to fighting as a kid."
Pan kicks the police siren into the crook's face.
Lead Crook: "What? You're dead, kid!"
Goku: "Excuse me. Taking hostages is not a very nice thing to do. And neither is stealing what doesn't belong to you. And neither is threatening to kill a child. I'll give you one chance to say you're sorry and leave."
Lead Crook: "Oh please, what are you going to do, kid?"
Goku: "Kid? Wha-? Oh, right. Anyway, I'm gonna--huh?"
Pan is flying Goku a few feet away from the action.
Uub: "D-did that little girl just fly? Who is she?"
Pan: "I appreciate the help, little boy, but I don't think this is a place for children. Your mom would be very unhappy if you got hurt."
Goku: "But you don't--"
Pan: "Leave this for the big kids. I'm older and I have much more experience. Now why don't you run along? Come on."
A second crook attacks, but Pan takes him down.
Lead Crook: "WHAT!? What's wrong with you nitwits?"
The hostage breaks out of his grasp while he's off guard. She runs and he aims his handgun at her head.
Uub: "Oh no!"
The crook fires his gun. Uub disappears and reappears between them, having just caught the bullet inches from her head. He prepares to attack.
Pan: "Oh no, another one?"
She flies over, grabs him, and moves him towards the cops before he can do anything. Goku leaps and prepares to hit the burglar with a flying kick but is once again caught by Pan.
Pan: "I don't know if you're with that older boy, but I mean it when I say get lost! This is no place for a little kid!"
Goku: "But I'm not a little kid."
The Lead Crook grunts as he hides behind a pillar and aims at Pan. Pan turns and leaps toward the pillar and punches straight through it, sending the robber flying into the wall. She hops back to the exact spot she was just standing when talking to Goku.
Pan: "Look, I understand that you want to be like an adult, but trust me, you aren't there yet. You're still a little kid, so just enjoy the years you have left as one, why don'cha?"
Pan walks towards her friend, who's sneaking away.
Pan: "Hey, ready for that movie?"
Friend: "Yeah, uh, about that."
Pan: "Yeah?"
Friend: "Yeah, so like, I have to get home. It's my curfew. My parents want me, like, home and in bed, you know?"
Pan: "But it's 2 in the afternoon."
Friend: "Yeah, they're like really strict. And they don't want me being friends with anyone who can punch through a concrete pillar. Bye!" He runs out.
Pan: "What? I hate boys!" Goku and Uub walk over to her. "Why do boys have to be so mean and stupid!?"
Goku: "I'm sorry. I'll be less mean and stupid next time."
Pan: "NOT YOU, STUPID!!"
Goku: "Well, anyway, we're going to get something to eat. Would you like to come with us?"
Pan: "No, I don't want to come with you. I hate all boys, remember? You're all stupid little punks that can't handle it when a woman is stronger than you!"
Goku: "But I thought you said you weren't talking about me?"
Pan: "WILL YOU BE QUIET!?"
Uub: "Come on, Goku, let's leave her alone."
Goku: "OK."
Pan: "What?"
Pan (thinking to herself): "Goku, that's the name of my grandpa. Come to think of it, he looks just like him, except he's younger than me. I wonder if he knows Grandpa?"
Roshi: "Pan! Is that you!?"
Goku and Pan simultaneously: "Master Roshi, what are you doing here?"
Goku: "Pan?"
Pan (thinking to herself): "Now there's definitely something weird going on. He knows Master Roshi? And this village boy he's with? Grandpa left to go train a boy from a remote village. This kid can't be....Grandpa Goku's illegitimate son!! Can he?"
Master Roshi is grabbing girl's asses left and right. Now that's the life.
Roshi: "Boy, beautiful women all around. Maybe I'll just let that Turtle have the island and I'll let myself be taken care of by some of these fine young ladies.
Pan: "You know, maybe they don't like you grabbing their butts all the time."
Roshi: "Are you kidding? All of these fine young ladies dream of being so close to a celebrity such as myself."
Pan: "You? A celebrity? Since when?"
Roshi: "Young lady, I've been a well known martial arts master before your great grandparents were even alive. I used to be known as the best in the world and have trained students that have become fairly well known in the realm of martial arts, including Son Gohan who your father was named after, and your grandfather Goku. Matter of fact, I must say that kid standing next to you is the spitting image of your grandfather."
Goku: "Master Roshi! How've you been? You haven't changed at all!"
Roshi: "OK now that's just creepy. I must have been hallucinating and seeing visions of Goku, because that kid sounds like Goku too, AND he knows my name."
Goku: "Of course I know you, Master Roshi. It's me, Goku! Son Goku! The same Son Goku you trained all those years ago along with Krillin!"
Roshi: "G-G-G-Goku? GOKU! It really is you! After all these years! But, how is it that you're a little kid?"
Pan (thinking to herself): "That can't be right. There's no way that kid could be my grandpa! It just doesn't make sense. He's a kid!"
Roshi: "So how is it that you're younger now than you were when I last saw you?."
Goku: "I was accidentally wished to be a kid after someone used the Dragon Balls to summon the Eternal Dragon."
Pan (thinking to herself): "No way! This day has got to be some sort of dream! Or a nightmare! Or at least an elaborate practical joke!"
Goku: "I wonder if Chi-Chi's mad at me for being gone so long?"
Pan: "You are not my grandpa! I've got stuffed animals at home bigger than you! You should be an old man or something!"
Goku: "Wait, Master Roshi called you Pan before. That would make you....my granddaughter Pan!?"
Roshi: "Yup, she's grown up a bit since you last saw her. She's, what, 9 now?"
Goku: "Oh wow! It's so great to see you again Pan! You've become an awesome fighter. I guess fighting is in the genes." He turns to Uub. "Hey, Uub, remember how I wanted to introduce you to my family and friends? Well, first let me introduce you to my granddaughter Pan."
Pan: "I can't believe you're my grandpa!"
Roshi: "I can't believe Goku's finally back!"
Uub: "I can't believe how mature that girl acts for a 9 year old."
Goku: "I can't believe how hungry I am."
Gohan: "So pretty much, this Pilaf character just happened to be there while you two were training."
Goku: "That's right. I didn't even realize he summoned the Eternal Dragon. He made the wish and--poof--I'm a kid again."
Chi-Chi (crying): "For years, he leaves his wife and two sons, training some kid from a far off village, and now that he's back, THIS HAPPENS! I bet you did this on purpose."
Goku: "No I didn't, Chi-Chi. Honest. I liked being old."
Uub: "It is true, ma'am. Goku isn't responsible for this. There's nothing that could have been done to prevent it."
Chi-Chi: "Oh what do you know!? You don't have a husband who's never around, do you!?"
Uub: "Uh, no...."
Gohan: "Now you said that the Black Star Dragon Balls scattered throughout the entire North Galaxy, right?"
Goku: "Yeah that's right."
Gohan: "And there's no chance that King Kai can help us locate them?"
Goku: "I don't think so. He watches over the Northern Galaxy, but he can't see everything."
Gohan: "Alright, if that's the case, it may be easier to just grow up normally. May be easier on your body, too."
Chi-Chi: "Are you kidding me!? I was already aging faster than him as it was. But this! This is--!!"
Videl: "Chi-Chi, calm down."
Piccolo: "Your marital woes are the least of our problems."
Piccolo is standing in the room's entranceway.
Gohan: "Piccolo, when did you get here?"
Chi-Chi: "And HOW did you get in here?"
Piccolo: "Nevermind that. I spoke to Dende. I see what he says is true. You're a child again. And you're about as weak as you were when you defeated my father."
Goku: "Weak?...Heh heh heh heh, yeah I guess I am pretty weak now. Oh well, at least I get to train all over again. This'll be fun!"
Piccolo (growls): "We don't have time for that! We have bigger problems at hand! You never let Popo finish telling you about the Black Star Dragon Balls! Now listen. These Dragon Balls were made when Kami and I were one, and when his heart was still corrupted with evil. The negative energy in his body corrupted the Dragon Balls he created, which is why they have a black star on them instead of the normal red. When a wish is made, negative energy begins swelling up inside the core of the planet it's made on. The rate of energy build-up depends on the planet, but no matter what, once the planet makes one full revolution around its star, the energy becomes too much for the core to contain. The only thing that can safely dissipate that energy is the presence of the Black Star Dragon Balls!"
Everybody but Goku and Uub: "WHAT!?" "OH NO!", etc.
Goku: "I didn't understand a word of that."
Uub: "I think my village could have benefitted from a school."
Piccolo: "I'm saying that if we don't find the Dragon Balls and bring them back to Earth within 1 year, then the Earth will explode!"
Well... I've never been able to follow fanfiction despite promises I've made(Kaboom's revisal and Shift of Hearts come to mind), BUT this looks pretty good right now. It is a little close to its source material at the moment, but I'm sure eventually that'll change.
[quote="Brakus"]For all the flack that FUNimation gets on this forum for their quote about DBZ, there's some modicum of truth to it: a 9-year-old is born every day. Or in some cases, "reborn". DBZ may be a kids' show, but it's been so close to so many hearts all over Japan, America, and quite possibly, even the world.[/quote]
It will. The first two episodes are especially close to the source material. As time goes on, I start changing dialogue completely. Right now, I was just starting to get a feel for the whole thing.bkev wrote:Well... I've never been able to follow fanfiction despite promises I've made(Kaboom's revisal and Shift of Hearts come to mind), BUT this looks pretty good right now. It is a little close to its source material at the moment, but I'm sure eventually that'll change.
I'm gonna post Chapter 2 within the next couple of days. It's still a bit closer to the source material than most of my more recent chapters, but it's still a nice departure from the Toei version. I tried to do a scene with Uub trying to fit into city life and I can't tell if I completely and utterly nailed it or completely and utterly failed. I know only that there is no middle ground. Oh well, STAY TUNED.......... FOR THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE....... OF DRAGON BALL GT-YAAAH!......Sorry, I was trying to imitate the Funimation DBZ narrator.
Chapter 2: Pan Blasts Off!
A shot of the spaceship being built. The outer hull is only about half done. A shot of Trunks's flyinng limo thingy landing at Capsule Corp. Offices with a shitload of execs waiting. Trunks emerges.
Narrator: "With only one year to find the mysterious Black Star Dragon Balls scattered throughout the galaxy before the Earth is destroyed, Goku has asked his old friend Bulma, former President of the Capsule Corporation, to build him a spaceship capable of exploring deep space. In the meantime, our heroes prepare for the voyage ahead. At the same time, they prepare to leave the planet they call home, and some are struggling to find their place in it."
Trunks and random Execs walk through the office building just like in the show.
Exec #1: "I trust this morning's meeting went by the numbers, sir?"
Trunks: "That was the easiest deal I've ever closed. They signed the contract before I finished my first cup of coffee."
Exec #2: "You were born to lead this company, sir."
Trunks: "If you say so."
Trunks looks miserable during next bits of dialogue.
Random Exec: "You also have a conference with Human Resources regarding the new hiring standards."
Random Exec: "The numbers for the Henderson contract have to be on Miss Rumpalt's desk by noon, otherwise the whole deal will fall through."
Random Exec: "Your 2 o'clock's been moved to 3, your 3 o'clock's been moved to 4, your 11:30's been moved to 11:35, and your dry cleaning's accidentally been dropped off at a pizzeria."
Random Exec: "Our Legal Dept. wants to know if you're challenging the King's ruling that outsourcing jobs is illegal."
Random Exec: "The 3rd quarter budget must be approved so we can discuss the employee bonuses."
Random Exec: "R&D says the new line of Hoi Poi Capsules won't be ready until next year."
Trunks rides up the elevator alone.
Trunks: "Life's been such a drag ever since Mom stepped down from the company and left me in charge. I can't get used to being treated like a king by all these employees, dealing with budgets and contracts, and everything. I know Mom's used to it, and Dad wouldn't be bothered by it either since he comes from a royal family, but it's just not me. Can't I just be normal, at least for a little while longer? Like Goten."
Goten (talking on phone): "So you're excited about tonight? Really? I'm excited too. I've never been to one of their concerts."
Pan (trying to watch TV): "You are one smooth talker, Uncle Goten. That's for sure."
Goten (to Pan): "SHH!" To phone "No, not you!"
Pan: "If you don't want me to make fun, the you should learn to keep your voice down!"
Goten (to Pan): "Do you mind!? Can't you keep quiet for two seconds!?" To phone "No, not you! I...Why would I tell you to keep quiet when we're on the phone together?"
Pan: "Goten, it's a mobile phone. Why don't you make yourself mobile so I can watch TV?"
Goten (to Pan): "Why must you insist on being like this!?" To phone "NO NOT YOU!! It's my little niece. She keeps bugging me. No why would I say those things to you?
Pan: "I'm not little."
Chi-Chi: "Bulma called and said that the spaceship will be ready in two weeks. It's not like this isn't the first time you've gone Dragon Ball hunting to save the Earth."
Goku: "I guess so. But why do I have to go?"
Chi-Chi: "Because you're the one who got wished back to being a kid! It's that wish that's going to cause the Earth to explode! That's why!"
Goku: "Yeah, you're right. Maybe I'm just tired. Being shrunk down to a little kid has really wiped me out. I'm so weak now."
Videl: "Don't forget, Goku, that the whole planet is at stake."
Chi-Chi: "That's right, Goku. I don't want to lose the new additions to our house."
Gohan: "Yeah, Dad. We can't let anything bad happen to Earth. Videl and I spoke about it, and we've come to a decision. I'm going to go with you on your journey to find the Dragon Balls!"
Pan: "Huh?"
Chi-Chi: "That's great! A father-son bonding trip! It's been years since you two have seen each other, after all!"
Goku: "Wow, you're taking this well. You were furious the last time he went into space to go Dragon Ball hunting."
Chi-Chi: "HE WAS FIVE YEARS OLD AT THE TIME!!"
Pan: "Papa? You're going?"
Gohan: "Uh-huh."
Pan: "Let me go, Papa. I want to go into space with you."
Chi-Chi: "Pan, you're father and grandfather aren't going just to play, you know. They're on an important mission, and it's going to be dangerous."
Pan: "I know that! That's why they need my help. Besides, you said it yourself. The Earth will explode in one year if we fail. Won't I be in just as much danger here?"
Videl: "Pan, there will be no further discussion about this. You're too young to go into outer space."
Pan: "But that's not fair! Grandma Chi-Chi just said Papa was 5--"
Gohan: "Pan! That's enough!"
Goku: "Sorry, Pan. I guess going into outer space is just for adults."
Pan: "I'm taller than you, Grandpa! And I'm not afraid of any of the dangers we'd face out there in space."
Videl: "Pan, you sleep with a nightlight."
Gohan: "Pan, why don't you go out and play?"
Pan (leaving): "Fine! I didn't really want to help anyway!"
Goku: "Well, I guess we have 3 people now. You, me, and Uub. Speaking of which, where is he?"
Uub is alone in the city, mesmerized by everything around him.
Uub (thinking): "So this is West City. Wow. I've heard stories about civilization, but I'd never thought I'd ever see it. It's a lot scarier than everyone made it out to be. Wow, so these are cars. They're so big! But they seem so dangerous."
An old lady crosses the street at a crosswalk. It's a red light. A car is heading for that intersection.
Uub: "Oh no!"
He runs and dives, grabbing the old lady and pushing her out of the way. The car stops at the red light like it's supposed to.
Old Lady: "You idiot! Why did you do that?"
Uub: "Huh? But that car! It was going to hit you! You were in the middle of the street and--"
Old Lady: "What!? It was a red light! It was going to stop! Oww! My hip! I think you injured me, sonny!"
Passerby: "Hey kid! Why don't you get lost?" To someone else "Better call an ambulance."
Random People: "Get out of here!" "Go somewhere else!" "What were you thinking?" etc.
Uub sees a supermarket.
Uub (thinking): "Wow. Is that a supermarket? I've heard about these."
Inside the aisles.
Uub (thinking): "So much food! This all looks so delicious! I've never seen so much food in my life!"
A woman picks up a piece of fruit and puts it into a shopping cart.
Uub (thinking): "WOW! People just take the food with them? That's amazing!"
Uub runs up and down the aisles with a shopping cart, putting everything he sees into a cart. He tries to leave, but the cashier stops him.
Cashier: "Excuse me, but I think you forgot that those have to be rung up?"
Uub: "Huh? Rung--? Oh, uh, right."
They both stand there, staring at each other.
Cashier: "Would you mind actually unloading your stuff?"
Uub: "What? Oh! Sorry."
The cashier sighs in a huff as Uub unloads everything and she starts ringing things up. A line forms behind him.
Uub (thinking): "Why are all these people here? Are they waiting to get 'rung up' too? Wait, they're all waiting for me to be finished."
Cashier: "That will be 3,297 Zeni, please."
Uub: "What? I-I don't have any money. I--"
Cashier: "What!? Well, then you're not getting any of this stuff! Why don't you get out of here and stop wasting my time!"
Customers: "You idiot! You know how long I've been waiting?" "Some of us would like to get out of here!" "I have to pick up my kids from school, so hurry up and get out of here!" etc.
Uub: "Sorry."
Uub (thinking): "Money! I forgot all about it! You need it to buy everything in civilization--even food!"
Another Cashier (to Stockboy): "Hey man, this item won't scan. Can you just check it for me?"
Stockboy takes out a price gun (a gun-shaped barcode scanner with a small read-out screen on the back).
Uub: "A gun! Just like those bank robbers had!"
He leads forward and kicks the gun out of the Stockboy's hand.
Uub: "You're not going to harm anyone with that weapon!"
Cashier 2: "What the hell is wrong with you! It's a price checker. It scans the item and shows how much it costs."
Manager: "Young man, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
Uub is walking dejected through the streets.
Uub: "Man, civilization is so weird. Everything in this city is so strange and complex, and I don't understand any of it."
He sees a group of robbers shooting at police.
Uub: "Oh no! A robbery, just like the other day!"
He easily dispatches the 3 robbers.
Director: "Cut! Who's that boy!? Dammit, he's in the way! The scene is ruined!"
Uub is ACTUALLY standing in the middle of where a movie is being filmed. The robbery was for the movie.
Another Movie Employee: "Get the hell outta here, kid! Can't you see we're filming a movie!? Are you blind, or just stupid!?"
Uub is just walking down the street now.
Uub: "Man, I don't fit in with these people at all. This is like an alien world to me. Is this what it's going to be like when we leave Earth? Am I going to be so out of place everywhere I go?"
One week later at the ship. The hull is mostly complete. Uub is there along with everyone else that was there in the show.
Goku: "Heh heh heh. The ship looks like an octopus."
Bulma: "The ship has enough living space and supplies for half a dozen people, provided they're willing to rough it. For the three of you, it should be comfortable enough. Y'know, Goku, seeing you like this reminds me of when we first met."
Goku: "I think so too, except you've gotten a lot older." Cue Bulma-hitting-someone-with-giant-mallet sight gag. "Hey, what was that for!?"
Bulma: "a lot of people think I actually look young for my age! Anyway, I found the specs that me and my dad saved from when we worked on the two spaceships that took us all to Planet Namek. I combined your ship's hyperfusion reactor with Kami's ship's navi-velocity engines and configured the newest Capsule Corp. engine to...."
She stares at Goku. Goku stares back.
Bulma: "I made the ship really really fast by using parts from the spaceships we used in the past."
Goku: "Oh, OK."
Bulma: "Unfortunately, as a result, it uses a lot of power. It must be in a ready state at all times to keep the energy flow in constant, or else the engines won't be able to activate. That means you won't be able to convert it into capsule form."
Goku: "But, the future 'you' managed to get Trunks's time machine to turn into a capsule. That used a lot of power."
Bulma: "Well, why don't you wait a few years and get HER to build you a spaceship! This is the best I can do, alright!?"
Everyone is building the ship like in the show. Except instead of Goku honing his fighting skills, Uub's reteaching him how to fly. They're both hovering a few feet off the ground, with Goku visibly straining to keep afloat.
Pan: "Papa! Is there anything that I can help you with?"
Gohan: "Thanks, Pan, but I think Bulma and I have things pretty much under control. Why don't you see if your mother needs help with anything?"
Pan goes to Videl. She walks past Goku and Uub.
Uub: "Come on, Goku. Let the energy flow through your body."
Pan: "Mama! Papa said I should come help you."
Videl: "Thanks, but not right now, honey. I really need help testing this panel."
Pan: "Well if it's a test you want--"
Videl: "Don't touch! Listen, Pan, I'm very busy right now. I can't have any distractions. Why don't you call your friends and see if they're doing anything. Isn't Super Awesome Ninja Toad Warriors 4 coming out today?"
Pan leaves. She kicks the panel and covers it, like in the show.
Uub: "OK, Goku, it looks like you're making progress."
Goku: "You're right. It's just like flying as an adult. It's just that I have less energy to work with, and I'm still not used to this new body yet."
Uub: "Well, whatever the case, we should take a break for now."
Goku: "Sure thing." Sees Pan storming out. "??"
Stupid Kidnapper (SK) is hiding behind some bushes. Unlike the show, he's actually not hiding in plain sight of everyone and their mothers. Pan walks out of Capsule Corp.
SK (on walkie talkie): "Sir, I found her! That must be Bra Briefs, daughter of Bulma Briefs!"
Voice on Walkie Talkie: "The ransom we can get for the daughter of Capsule Corp.'s ex-president will be large enough for us to live like kings! Don't just stand there! Grab her!"
Goku: "Hey, Pan! Wait up!"
Pan: "What!?"
Goku: "So, where are we headed?"
Pan: "WE'RE not headed anywhere. I'M going to go see my grandfather."
Goku: "Heh heh heh, you're funny. I'm right here."
Pan: "After what you did to us, I don't even consider you a part of this family! Now leave me alone!"
Pan flies off as SK leaps to grab her, grabbing Goku instead.
SK: "Gotcha, little girl!"
Goku: "I'm a boy."
SK: "Huh?"
Goku (thinking): "I wonder what's wrong with Pan? What could I have possibly done her her?"
Goku is stuffing his face while SK talks to the Lead Kidnapper (LK) next to a payphone.
LK: "Funny how your girl looks and eats like a boy."
SK: "His name is Son Goku, and he might be just as good. He came out of Capsule Corp., and he was talking to the girl."
LK: "Maybe he's also related to Bulma. She's getting up there in her years, so it may be her grandson."
SK: "Does it matter? She'll still pay the ransom."
LK (picking up phone and dialing): "Well alright. But you still have the brain of a hamster."
Bulma: "Capsule Corporation. Bulma speaking."
LK: "Alright, listen up! We have your son and/or grandson! If you want to see him alive again, you'll do what we say!"
Bulma: "What? I think you have the wrong number."
LK: "Don't play dumb. We got your boy, Goku, and if you want him back alive, you'll pay us."
Bulma: "Goku!?" Begins laughing hysterically. "Hold on, let me transfer your call to someone who'd LOVE to hear this."
Vegeta (without the gay mustache) in the gravity room. The phone call is placed through the rooms speakers.
Vegeta: "What?"
LK: "We've kidnapped your son, Goku, and if you don't pay us, we're going to kill him!"
Vegeta: "Do whatever you want with him."
LK (hearing Vegeta hang up): "What--?"
Bulma: "You're feeding him, right?"
Goku (off panel): "More please!"
LK: "Yeah, but--"
Bulma: "Thanks, we appreciate the help. Have him back within a week or else the whole planet will be destroyed." She hangs up.
LK: "What the hell is wrong with rich people?" In background, Goku has finished a mountain of food and SK is looking on in awe.
Pan and Hercule in the restaurant. We're not calling him Mr. Satan. Hercule's a better name, and he was called Hercule in the English manga as well as the Funimation and Ocean dubs, so we're going with it as well. Anyways.......
Hercule: "Surely not everyone is treating you this way."
Pan (looking at menu): "Yeah, they are. Everyone treats me like a little kid. I'm a big girl and I wish they'd treat me like an adult."
Hercule: "Oh, what are you ordering?"
Pan: "Kid-tastic Fun Omelette. Anyway, I don't get it. I'm very mature for my age."
Hercule: "That is rough. Let me tell ya, I've never considered you a little kid."
Pan: "Yeah!"
Hercule: "My Pan is not a little kid!"
Pan: "I agree!"
Hercule: "My Pan is not a baby!"
Pan: "I'll drink to that!"
Hercule: "My Pan is....just the most precious little angel to set foot on this here green Earth! Awww!"
Pan: "Grrrr! I'm not a baby, I'm not little, and I'm certainly not an angel!"
Pan (thinking): "But how? How can I possibly prove to everybody that I'm an adult just like them? Wait, I've got an idea!"
Goku: "You guys sure are a lot of fun to hang out with."
SK: "Thanks a lot."
LK: "Between the truckloads of food we bought for this kid, the trip to the carnival and all those crazy rollercoaster rides he made us go on, and the effort it's taking me to convince his family to actually pay for his safe return, the ransom money better be worth it."
SK: "I'm beat."
Goku: "So, whaddaya guys want to do next?"
SK: "Sleep."
Goku: "Um, I should probably be getting back to my family. I don't think they know where I am."
LK: "There's no reason to go home yet, kid. We haven't even taken you out for dinner yet."
SK: "Boss, we can't afford to feed this kid again."
LK: "Shut up. Just think of how rich we'll be once this is all said and done."
SK: "Great, I can use my half of the money to pay off my credit card after all the food for this kid I've charged onto it."
LK: "We just have to find a phone first. Let's see, where's a phone booth?"
An off-panel crash is heard. They stop short and look back to see Goku gone and a huge hole is in the roof of their car. They look in front of the car to see Goku holding a telephone booth.
Goku: "Hey look, I found a phone! You guys can use this one!"
LK (driving off): "Forget this! Let's go get REAL jobs!"
Goku: "Oh well, I guess they had to get home too." Puts down phone booth. "That's strange. This is a little bit lighter than it should be, considering how much strength I lost when I became a little kid. Oh well. Flying Nimbus!" He flies away on Nimbus.
Vegeta is dragging Goten and Trunks down a hallway.
Goten: "No! This isn't fair!"
Trunks: "Why do we have to go with him?"
Vegeta: "Give it a rest!"
Goten: "I thought Gohan and Uub were going with him?"
Vegeta: "Uub is going for training purposes, but unlike you two who have grown soft in this time of peace, Gohan has actually kept up with his training. That's why I convinced him to stay behind on Earth."
Goten: "You do know that I've just started dating this girl. She won't be happy to hear that I'll be in outer space for the next year."
Vegeta: "Dating is for the weak!"
Trunks: "What about me? I am the president of Capsule Corp."
Vegeta: "You've just been given an unpaid vacation. Congratulations."
Trunks: "What!?"
Vegeta: "Your mom will head the company in your absence."
Goten: "It's not that I don't want to go, Vegeta, it's just that I know my mom would never let me set foot on a spaceship."
Vegeta: "It was her idea."
Goten: "What!? HER idea!? You sure it wasn't an imposter!?"
Narrator: "At last, the fateful day arrives."
Bulma: "Main power link!"
Gohan: "Check."
Bulma: "System go for launch!"
Chi-Chi: "Hey, Goku! Keep those boys out of trouble, y'hear?"
Trunks: "Oh man, this isn't the kind of vacation I had in mind."
Goten (answering his ringing cell phone): "Hey, Valese, did you get my message?"
Goku: "Oh Uub, tell Trunks the great news."
Uub: "Right! I was able to reteach Goku how to fly! He's as good as he was when he was an adult."
Trunks: "Yeah, great."
Goten (on phone): "No, I swear, I really am going into outer space."
Videl: "Gohan, sweetie, have you seen Pan?"
Gohan: "Yeah, She said she's with Bra or something."
Videl: "No, Bra's up there with her dad."
Goten: "Yeah, I know, it sounds like baloney but I'm not making it up! It's the truth. What!? I can barely hear you. If you're gonna yell at me, you're gonna have to be louder!"
Uub: "This is amazing! I've never seen such technology! I never thought anything like this existed outside of stories!"
Trunks: "Living in a remote village has that effect on you, I guess. You don't realize until you live in civilization how small a space like this is to live in. Not until you've lived in it with a bunch of Saiyans for a few months."
Goku: "Wow! Is that the kitchen?"
Trunks (snickering): "No, Goku, that's the bridge."
Pan: "Hi!"
Uub: "Pan! What are you doing here!?"
Pan: "Just making sure that all systems are go for our journey. 'Bout time you guys got here."
Goku: " 'Our'--?"
Trunks: "Pan, please, this is no time for fooling around."
Pan: "Then let's get serious! Blast off!"
Goku, Uub, and Trunks: "!!!"
Goten (on phone): "What? Yes, for a whole YEAR!!! WAAAAAGH!!!" The ship blasts off. "You still there? Change of plans. My schedule cleared up."
Narrator: "A most unusual quartet begins their journey across the galaxy. Will they be able to find the Black Star Dragon Balls and save the Earth? The universe is a big place, and the Grand Tour is about to begin!"
During the narrative text, have the still shot of everybody on the ship at the end of the 2nd episode of the show, adding Uub in obviously (if not possible, at least as a chapter title page or something), and a single shot (or more if you want) of the piece falling off the ship. Oh, I'm leaving it to you to figure out how to add an extra seat in the cockpit of the ship (for Uub). Remember to make it so that it's visible from side shots as well as a front angle.
A shot of the spaceship being built. The outer hull is only about half done. A shot of Trunks's flyinng limo thingy landing at Capsule Corp. Offices with a shitload of execs waiting. Trunks emerges.
Narrator: "With only one year to find the mysterious Black Star Dragon Balls scattered throughout the galaxy before the Earth is destroyed, Goku has asked his old friend Bulma, former President of the Capsule Corporation, to build him a spaceship capable of exploring deep space. In the meantime, our heroes prepare for the voyage ahead. At the same time, they prepare to leave the planet they call home, and some are struggling to find their place in it."
Trunks and random Execs walk through the office building just like in the show.
Exec #1: "I trust this morning's meeting went by the numbers, sir?"
Trunks: "That was the easiest deal I've ever closed. They signed the contract before I finished my first cup of coffee."
Exec #2: "You were born to lead this company, sir."
Trunks: "If you say so."
Trunks looks miserable during next bits of dialogue.
Random Exec: "You also have a conference with Human Resources regarding the new hiring standards."
Random Exec: "The numbers for the Henderson contract have to be on Miss Rumpalt's desk by noon, otherwise the whole deal will fall through."
Random Exec: "Your 2 o'clock's been moved to 3, your 3 o'clock's been moved to 4, your 11:30's been moved to 11:35, and your dry cleaning's accidentally been dropped off at a pizzeria."
Random Exec: "Our Legal Dept. wants to know if you're challenging the King's ruling that outsourcing jobs is illegal."
Random Exec: "The 3rd quarter budget must be approved so we can discuss the employee bonuses."
Random Exec: "R&D says the new line of Hoi Poi Capsules won't be ready until next year."
Trunks rides up the elevator alone.
Trunks: "Life's been such a drag ever since Mom stepped down from the company and left me in charge. I can't get used to being treated like a king by all these employees, dealing with budgets and contracts, and everything. I know Mom's used to it, and Dad wouldn't be bothered by it either since he comes from a royal family, but it's just not me. Can't I just be normal, at least for a little while longer? Like Goten."
Goten (talking on phone): "So you're excited about tonight? Really? I'm excited too. I've never been to one of their concerts."
Pan (trying to watch TV): "You are one smooth talker, Uncle Goten. That's for sure."
Goten (to Pan): "SHH!" To phone "No, not you!"
Pan: "If you don't want me to make fun, the you should learn to keep your voice down!"
Goten (to Pan): "Do you mind!? Can't you keep quiet for two seconds!?" To phone "No, not you! I...Why would I tell you to keep quiet when we're on the phone together?"
Pan: "Goten, it's a mobile phone. Why don't you make yourself mobile so I can watch TV?"
Goten (to Pan): "Why must you insist on being like this!?" To phone "NO NOT YOU!! It's my little niece. She keeps bugging me. No why would I say those things to you?
Pan: "I'm not little."
Chi-Chi: "Bulma called and said that the spaceship will be ready in two weeks. It's not like this isn't the first time you've gone Dragon Ball hunting to save the Earth."
Goku: "I guess so. But why do I have to go?"
Chi-Chi: "Because you're the one who got wished back to being a kid! It's that wish that's going to cause the Earth to explode! That's why!"
Goku: "Yeah, you're right. Maybe I'm just tired. Being shrunk down to a little kid has really wiped me out. I'm so weak now."
Videl: "Don't forget, Goku, that the whole planet is at stake."
Chi-Chi: "That's right, Goku. I don't want to lose the new additions to our house."
Gohan: "Yeah, Dad. We can't let anything bad happen to Earth. Videl and I spoke about it, and we've come to a decision. I'm going to go with you on your journey to find the Dragon Balls!"
Pan: "Huh?"
Chi-Chi: "That's great! A father-son bonding trip! It's been years since you two have seen each other, after all!"
Goku: "Wow, you're taking this well. You were furious the last time he went into space to go Dragon Ball hunting."
Chi-Chi: "HE WAS FIVE YEARS OLD AT THE TIME!!"
Pan: "Papa? You're going?"
Gohan: "Uh-huh."
Pan: "Let me go, Papa. I want to go into space with you."
Chi-Chi: "Pan, you're father and grandfather aren't going just to play, you know. They're on an important mission, and it's going to be dangerous."
Pan: "I know that! That's why they need my help. Besides, you said it yourself. The Earth will explode in one year if we fail. Won't I be in just as much danger here?"
Videl: "Pan, there will be no further discussion about this. You're too young to go into outer space."
Pan: "But that's not fair! Grandma Chi-Chi just said Papa was 5--"
Gohan: "Pan! That's enough!"
Goku: "Sorry, Pan. I guess going into outer space is just for adults."
Pan: "I'm taller than you, Grandpa! And I'm not afraid of any of the dangers we'd face out there in space."
Videl: "Pan, you sleep with a nightlight."
Gohan: "Pan, why don't you go out and play?"
Pan (leaving): "Fine! I didn't really want to help anyway!"
Goku: "Well, I guess we have 3 people now. You, me, and Uub. Speaking of which, where is he?"
Uub is alone in the city, mesmerized by everything around him.
Uub (thinking): "So this is West City. Wow. I've heard stories about civilization, but I'd never thought I'd ever see it. It's a lot scarier than everyone made it out to be. Wow, so these are cars. They're so big! But they seem so dangerous."
An old lady crosses the street at a crosswalk. It's a red light. A car is heading for that intersection.
Uub: "Oh no!"
He runs and dives, grabbing the old lady and pushing her out of the way. The car stops at the red light like it's supposed to.
Old Lady: "You idiot! Why did you do that?"
Uub: "Huh? But that car! It was going to hit you! You were in the middle of the street and--"
Old Lady: "What!? It was a red light! It was going to stop! Oww! My hip! I think you injured me, sonny!"
Passerby: "Hey kid! Why don't you get lost?" To someone else "Better call an ambulance."
Random People: "Get out of here!" "Go somewhere else!" "What were you thinking?" etc.
Uub sees a supermarket.
Uub (thinking): "Wow. Is that a supermarket? I've heard about these."
Inside the aisles.
Uub (thinking): "So much food! This all looks so delicious! I've never seen so much food in my life!"
A woman picks up a piece of fruit and puts it into a shopping cart.
Uub (thinking): "WOW! People just take the food with them? That's amazing!"
Uub runs up and down the aisles with a shopping cart, putting everything he sees into a cart. He tries to leave, but the cashier stops him.
Cashier: "Excuse me, but I think you forgot that those have to be rung up?"
Uub: "Huh? Rung--? Oh, uh, right."
They both stand there, staring at each other.
Cashier: "Would you mind actually unloading your stuff?"
Uub: "What? Oh! Sorry."
The cashier sighs in a huff as Uub unloads everything and she starts ringing things up. A line forms behind him.
Uub (thinking): "Why are all these people here? Are they waiting to get 'rung up' too? Wait, they're all waiting for me to be finished."
Cashier: "That will be 3,297 Zeni, please."
Uub: "What? I-I don't have any money. I--"
Cashier: "What!? Well, then you're not getting any of this stuff! Why don't you get out of here and stop wasting my time!"
Customers: "You idiot! You know how long I've been waiting?" "Some of us would like to get out of here!" "I have to pick up my kids from school, so hurry up and get out of here!" etc.
Uub: "Sorry."
Uub (thinking): "Money! I forgot all about it! You need it to buy everything in civilization--even food!"
Another Cashier (to Stockboy): "Hey man, this item won't scan. Can you just check it for me?"
Stockboy takes out a price gun (a gun-shaped barcode scanner with a small read-out screen on the back).
Uub: "A gun! Just like those bank robbers had!"
He leads forward and kicks the gun out of the Stockboy's hand.
Uub: "You're not going to harm anyone with that weapon!"
Cashier 2: "What the hell is wrong with you! It's a price checker. It scans the item and shows how much it costs."
Manager: "Young man, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
Uub is walking dejected through the streets.
Uub: "Man, civilization is so weird. Everything in this city is so strange and complex, and I don't understand any of it."
He sees a group of robbers shooting at police.
Uub: "Oh no! A robbery, just like the other day!"
He easily dispatches the 3 robbers.
Director: "Cut! Who's that boy!? Dammit, he's in the way! The scene is ruined!"
Uub is ACTUALLY standing in the middle of where a movie is being filmed. The robbery was for the movie.
Another Movie Employee: "Get the hell outta here, kid! Can't you see we're filming a movie!? Are you blind, or just stupid!?"
Uub is just walking down the street now.
Uub: "Man, I don't fit in with these people at all. This is like an alien world to me. Is this what it's going to be like when we leave Earth? Am I going to be so out of place everywhere I go?"
One week later at the ship. The hull is mostly complete. Uub is there along with everyone else that was there in the show.
Goku: "Heh heh heh. The ship looks like an octopus."
Bulma: "The ship has enough living space and supplies for half a dozen people, provided they're willing to rough it. For the three of you, it should be comfortable enough. Y'know, Goku, seeing you like this reminds me of when we first met."
Goku: "I think so too, except you've gotten a lot older." Cue Bulma-hitting-someone-with-giant-mallet sight gag. "Hey, what was that for!?"
Bulma: "a lot of people think I actually look young for my age! Anyway, I found the specs that me and my dad saved from when we worked on the two spaceships that took us all to Planet Namek. I combined your ship's hyperfusion reactor with Kami's ship's navi-velocity engines and configured the newest Capsule Corp. engine to...."
She stares at Goku. Goku stares back.
Bulma: "I made the ship really really fast by using parts from the spaceships we used in the past."
Goku: "Oh, OK."
Bulma: "Unfortunately, as a result, it uses a lot of power. It must be in a ready state at all times to keep the energy flow in constant, or else the engines won't be able to activate. That means you won't be able to convert it into capsule form."
Goku: "But, the future 'you' managed to get Trunks's time machine to turn into a capsule. That used a lot of power."
Bulma: "Well, why don't you wait a few years and get HER to build you a spaceship! This is the best I can do, alright!?"
Everyone is building the ship like in the show. Except instead of Goku honing his fighting skills, Uub's reteaching him how to fly. They're both hovering a few feet off the ground, with Goku visibly straining to keep afloat.
Pan: "Papa! Is there anything that I can help you with?"
Gohan: "Thanks, Pan, but I think Bulma and I have things pretty much under control. Why don't you see if your mother needs help with anything?"
Pan goes to Videl. She walks past Goku and Uub.
Uub: "Come on, Goku. Let the energy flow through your body."
Pan: "Mama! Papa said I should come help you."
Videl: "Thanks, but not right now, honey. I really need help testing this panel."
Pan: "Well if it's a test you want--"
Videl: "Don't touch! Listen, Pan, I'm very busy right now. I can't have any distractions. Why don't you call your friends and see if they're doing anything. Isn't Super Awesome Ninja Toad Warriors 4 coming out today?"
Pan leaves. She kicks the panel and covers it, like in the show.
Uub: "OK, Goku, it looks like you're making progress."
Goku: "You're right. It's just like flying as an adult. It's just that I have less energy to work with, and I'm still not used to this new body yet."
Uub: "Well, whatever the case, we should take a break for now."
Goku: "Sure thing." Sees Pan storming out. "??"
Stupid Kidnapper (SK) is hiding behind some bushes. Unlike the show, he's actually not hiding in plain sight of everyone and their mothers. Pan walks out of Capsule Corp.
SK (on walkie talkie): "Sir, I found her! That must be Bra Briefs, daughter of Bulma Briefs!"
Voice on Walkie Talkie: "The ransom we can get for the daughter of Capsule Corp.'s ex-president will be large enough for us to live like kings! Don't just stand there! Grab her!"
Goku: "Hey, Pan! Wait up!"
Pan: "What!?"
Goku: "So, where are we headed?"
Pan: "WE'RE not headed anywhere. I'M going to go see my grandfather."
Goku: "Heh heh heh, you're funny. I'm right here."
Pan: "After what you did to us, I don't even consider you a part of this family! Now leave me alone!"
Pan flies off as SK leaps to grab her, grabbing Goku instead.
SK: "Gotcha, little girl!"
Goku: "I'm a boy."
SK: "Huh?"
Goku (thinking): "I wonder what's wrong with Pan? What could I have possibly done her her?"
Goku is stuffing his face while SK talks to the Lead Kidnapper (LK) next to a payphone.
LK: "Funny how your girl looks and eats like a boy."
SK: "His name is Son Goku, and he might be just as good. He came out of Capsule Corp., and he was talking to the girl."
LK: "Maybe he's also related to Bulma. She's getting up there in her years, so it may be her grandson."
SK: "Does it matter? She'll still pay the ransom."
LK (picking up phone and dialing): "Well alright. But you still have the brain of a hamster."
Bulma: "Capsule Corporation. Bulma speaking."
LK: "Alright, listen up! We have your son and/or grandson! If you want to see him alive again, you'll do what we say!"
Bulma: "What? I think you have the wrong number."
LK: "Don't play dumb. We got your boy, Goku, and if you want him back alive, you'll pay us."
Bulma: "Goku!?" Begins laughing hysterically. "Hold on, let me transfer your call to someone who'd LOVE to hear this."
Vegeta (without the gay mustache) in the gravity room. The phone call is placed through the rooms speakers.
Vegeta: "What?"
LK: "We've kidnapped your son, Goku, and if you don't pay us, we're going to kill him!"
Vegeta: "Do whatever you want with him."
LK (hearing Vegeta hang up): "What--?"
Bulma: "You're feeding him, right?"
Goku (off panel): "More please!"
LK: "Yeah, but--"
Bulma: "Thanks, we appreciate the help. Have him back within a week or else the whole planet will be destroyed." She hangs up.
LK: "What the hell is wrong with rich people?" In background, Goku has finished a mountain of food and SK is looking on in awe.
Pan and Hercule in the restaurant. We're not calling him Mr. Satan. Hercule's a better name, and he was called Hercule in the English manga as well as the Funimation and Ocean dubs, so we're going with it as well. Anyways.......
Hercule: "Surely not everyone is treating you this way."
Pan (looking at menu): "Yeah, they are. Everyone treats me like a little kid. I'm a big girl and I wish they'd treat me like an adult."
Hercule: "Oh, what are you ordering?"
Pan: "Kid-tastic Fun Omelette. Anyway, I don't get it. I'm very mature for my age."
Hercule: "That is rough. Let me tell ya, I've never considered you a little kid."
Pan: "Yeah!"
Hercule: "My Pan is not a little kid!"
Pan: "I agree!"
Hercule: "My Pan is not a baby!"
Pan: "I'll drink to that!"
Hercule: "My Pan is....just the most precious little angel to set foot on this here green Earth! Awww!"
Pan: "Grrrr! I'm not a baby, I'm not little, and I'm certainly not an angel!"
Pan (thinking): "But how? How can I possibly prove to everybody that I'm an adult just like them? Wait, I've got an idea!"
Goku: "You guys sure are a lot of fun to hang out with."
SK: "Thanks a lot."
LK: "Between the truckloads of food we bought for this kid, the trip to the carnival and all those crazy rollercoaster rides he made us go on, and the effort it's taking me to convince his family to actually pay for his safe return, the ransom money better be worth it."
SK: "I'm beat."
Goku: "So, whaddaya guys want to do next?"
SK: "Sleep."
Goku: "Um, I should probably be getting back to my family. I don't think they know where I am."
LK: "There's no reason to go home yet, kid. We haven't even taken you out for dinner yet."
SK: "Boss, we can't afford to feed this kid again."
LK: "Shut up. Just think of how rich we'll be once this is all said and done."
SK: "Great, I can use my half of the money to pay off my credit card after all the food for this kid I've charged onto it."
LK: "We just have to find a phone first. Let's see, where's a phone booth?"
An off-panel crash is heard. They stop short and look back to see Goku gone and a huge hole is in the roof of their car. They look in front of the car to see Goku holding a telephone booth.
Goku: "Hey look, I found a phone! You guys can use this one!"
LK (driving off): "Forget this! Let's go get REAL jobs!"
Goku: "Oh well, I guess they had to get home too." Puts down phone booth. "That's strange. This is a little bit lighter than it should be, considering how much strength I lost when I became a little kid. Oh well. Flying Nimbus!" He flies away on Nimbus.
Vegeta is dragging Goten and Trunks down a hallway.
Goten: "No! This isn't fair!"
Trunks: "Why do we have to go with him?"
Vegeta: "Give it a rest!"
Goten: "I thought Gohan and Uub were going with him?"
Vegeta: "Uub is going for training purposes, but unlike you two who have grown soft in this time of peace, Gohan has actually kept up with his training. That's why I convinced him to stay behind on Earth."
Goten: "You do know that I've just started dating this girl. She won't be happy to hear that I'll be in outer space for the next year."
Vegeta: "Dating is for the weak!"
Trunks: "What about me? I am the president of Capsule Corp."
Vegeta: "You've just been given an unpaid vacation. Congratulations."
Trunks: "What!?"
Vegeta: "Your mom will head the company in your absence."
Goten: "It's not that I don't want to go, Vegeta, it's just that I know my mom would never let me set foot on a spaceship."
Vegeta: "It was her idea."
Goten: "What!? HER idea!? You sure it wasn't an imposter!?"
Narrator: "At last, the fateful day arrives."
Bulma: "Main power link!"
Gohan: "Check."
Bulma: "System go for launch!"
Chi-Chi: "Hey, Goku! Keep those boys out of trouble, y'hear?"
Trunks: "Oh man, this isn't the kind of vacation I had in mind."
Goten (answering his ringing cell phone): "Hey, Valese, did you get my message?"
Goku: "Oh Uub, tell Trunks the great news."
Uub: "Right! I was able to reteach Goku how to fly! He's as good as he was when he was an adult."
Trunks: "Yeah, great."
Goten (on phone): "No, I swear, I really am going into outer space."
Videl: "Gohan, sweetie, have you seen Pan?"
Gohan: "Yeah, She said she's with Bra or something."
Videl: "No, Bra's up there with her dad."
Goten: "Yeah, I know, it sounds like baloney but I'm not making it up! It's the truth. What!? I can barely hear you. If you're gonna yell at me, you're gonna have to be louder!"
Uub: "This is amazing! I've never seen such technology! I never thought anything like this existed outside of stories!"
Trunks: "Living in a remote village has that effect on you, I guess. You don't realize until you live in civilization how small a space like this is to live in. Not until you've lived in it with a bunch of Saiyans for a few months."
Goku: "Wow! Is that the kitchen?"
Trunks (snickering): "No, Goku, that's the bridge."
Pan: "Hi!"
Uub: "Pan! What are you doing here!?"
Pan: "Just making sure that all systems are go for our journey. 'Bout time you guys got here."
Goku: " 'Our'--?"
Trunks: "Pan, please, this is no time for fooling around."
Pan: "Then let's get serious! Blast off!"
Goku, Uub, and Trunks: "!!!"
Goten (on phone): "What? Yes, for a whole YEAR!!! WAAAAAGH!!!" The ship blasts off. "You still there? Change of plans. My schedule cleared up."
Narrator: "A most unusual quartet begins their journey across the galaxy. Will they be able to find the Black Star Dragon Balls and save the Earth? The universe is a big place, and the Grand Tour is about to begin!"
During the narrative text, have the still shot of everybody on the ship at the end of the 2nd episode of the show, adding Uub in obviously (if not possible, at least as a chapter title page or something), and a single shot (or more if you want) of the piece falling off the ship. Oh, I'm leaving it to you to figure out how to add an extra seat in the cockpit of the ship (for Uub). Remember to make it so that it's visible from side shots as well as a front angle.
Dude, you got Filter'd. (Is SO TMing that); in other words, Herc is Mr. Satan. Anyway, although the only change so far is Uub managed to make it on the trip (and Goku is MUCH less powerful) I'm looking forward to it being manga-fied!
[quote="Brakus"]For all the flack that FUNimation gets on this forum for their quote about DBZ, there's some modicum of truth to it: a 9-year-old is born every day. Or in some cases, "reborn". DBZ may be a kids' show, but it's been so close to so many hearts all over Japan, America, and quite possibly, even the world.[/quote]
I knew I was going to get filtered. That's why I put the names in the disclaimer in the beginning. I wasn't going to go through and correct each name one by one. Especially for characters like Hercule who become more prominent as the series goes on.
And like I said, the changes increase as time goes on. There are points now where I change dialogue even when it's completely unnecessary (like Funimation, but in a good way). I'm more comfortable with the writing process now at Chapter 21 than I was back at the time on the early chapters. I don't really think I found my niche until the Imecka chapters, and even then it took awhile.
Anyhoo, how are we enjoying it so far?
And like I said, the changes increase as time goes on. There are points now where I change dialogue even when it's completely unnecessary (like Funimation, but in a good way). I'm more comfortable with the writing process now at Chapter 21 than I was back at the time on the early chapters. I don't really think I found my niche until the Imecka chapters, and even then it took awhile.
Anyhoo, how are we enjoying it so far?
I'll be posting Chapter 3 probably tomorrow to keep ahead of the competition, namely Kaboom's GT fanfic (what's that, Kaboom? 11 chapters? I'm on Chapter 23. Oh snap!). Original adventures coming soon (the first one is Chapter 7, actually. Matter of fact, the one I'm writing right now is an original adventure). Just getting everyone prepared.
Mine's bigger.Joey Batz wrote:(what's that, Kaboom? 11 chapters? I'm on Chapter 23. Oh snap!).
I mean, longer.
That too.
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Powar Levuls! — DBZ | Movies & Specials | GT
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Powar Levuls! — DBZ | Movies & Specials | GT
Chapter 3: Terror on Imecka
Ship is flying through space.
Trunks: "Pan, this isn't funny. Give it back right now."
Pan: "No way! You want it? Come and get it!"
Trunks is running around the cockpit trying to get the override key from Pan. Goku and Uub are image training (like Gohan and Krillin on their way to Namek), sitting in their chairs facing each other. Goku seems to have lost the fight.
Goku: "Man, I'm still so weak."
Uub: "Sorry, Goku. I was trying to lower my power to keep up with you, I really was. But..."
Goku: "Don't sweat it, Uub. You should be proud that you're that powerful."
Uub: "Thanks, Goku. And it's all thanks to you."
Goku: "Don't mention it."
Uub (thinking): "I wonder if Goku noticed, but he's way more powerful than he was when he first got turned into a child. Even considering how much he's trained since then and his Saiyan nature, he shouldn't be THIS powerful. I wonder..."
Trunks: "GOKU! Would you please tell your granddaughter to give me back the override key? The controls are locked and a course has been set automatically, and we need to get Pan home."
Pan: "Oh please, why don't you stop treating me like a little kid?"
Trunks: "Because you ARE a little kid, Pan."
Goku: "Trunks is right, Pan. We're only doing what's best for you."
Pan (thinking): "And since when did YOU ever care what's best for me?"
Uub (looking out the window): "I've never seen outer space before. Is it always night like this?"
Goku: "Yeah. I was in space once for days going to Planet Namek. No matter what time of day it was, the sun never came out. It was night the whole time!"
Trunks: "Ha ha, guys, space is just the emptiness between planets, such as Earth. The reason that it gets light on Earth is because the sun illuminaties the atmosphere, and there's no atmosphere in space. Only emptiness."
Pan: "Yeah, there's no air or nothing out here."
Uub: "Really? Wow...That is so unsettling."
Pan: "Space is trillions and trillions the size of our tiny planet. We're truly on our own out here. They say in space, no one can here you scream."
Trunks: "Pan, that's enough! Don't scare him! Don't worry, Uub. The ship was made by some of the greatest minds on the planet, including my mom. Nothing's happening to THIS ship!"
A crash and the ship starts shaking. They go flying all over the place. They look outside to see part of the ship floating away. Trunks is freaking out.
Goku: "What is that thing? It looks like part of our spaceship. Oh well, it probably wasn't that important of a part anyway if they didn't bother to put it on right."
More scenes of the ship in space going haywire. Everyone's in the cockpit. The ship is shaking a lot.
Everybody: "Whoa!" "Hey!" "Waagh!" "Ahh!" So on and so forth.
Trunks: "Get your seatbelts on! We're going in for an emergency landing!"
Pan: "Emergency landing!? What's happening!?"
Trunks: "One of our stabilizer jets fell off! If we don't land soon, things are going to get really bad!"
Uub: "Are you kidding? It sounds like it's really bad already!"
Pan: "How bad exactly!?"
Trunks: "The ship will be torn apart!"
Pan: "Why did you tell me that!? I'm just a kid! You should have lied! What's wrong with you!?"
Uub: "Don't worry, Pan! We're all strong enough so that even if the ship disintegrates, we can survive! We won't be blown up!"
Pan: "Uub, we can't breathe in space! There's no air, remember!?"
Uub: "Oh yeah..... OH NO!"
Goku: "If we die, everyone on Earth will die too!"
Pan: "Will you shut up!? What kind of adults are you anyway!? I WANT MY MOMMY!!!"
Trunks: "Pan, we'll make it, I promise! We're going to be alright!"
Pan: "No, it's too late! We're doomed!"
Imecka appears.
Trunks: "OK, it looks like that's where we're headed! Everybody, make sure you're strapped in tight!"
Goku (with seatbelts wrapped around him): "Got it!"
Uub: "I'm in!"
Pan: "I don't wanna die!"
Trunks: "Nobody's gonna die here! We're just going to crash land!"
Pan: "Are you nuts!? People die in crashlandings!"
Goku: "Not when they're as strong as us!"
Trunks (intensely): "No one dies today."
Goku: "Wow, that was really cool the way you said that, Trunks. It was really intense, like in a movie."
Trunks: "Thanks. HERE WE GO!"
Goku: "That wasn't as cool."
The ship crashlands on Imecka (including the jump, creating one panel with all their faces in it. I liked that for some reason. I think you should include that in there). Everyone breathes an upside down sigh of relief.
Everyone is walking through the city. Vendors are selling their wares.
Pan: "I don't believe it. We're really on another planet. These are real aliens."
Trunks: "Remember, Pan, we're on THEIR planet. We're the aliens here."
Uub: "They look so different than us, yet they're so similiar."
Goku: "Wow, look at all that food!"
Trunks: "This marketplace really does have a hell of a selection."
Pan (sees jewelry): "I'll say. Look at this stuff! It's so beautiful."
Trunks: "Maybe we can get a place to stay for the night and repair the ship tomorrow."
Uub: "Sounds good to me."
A mob rushes over to them, covering them completely.
Mob: "This looks beautiful! You are so pretty! And you, so handsome! You must try this hat, it goes great with the scarf! Ooh, this shirt is lovely on you!" etc.
Goku, Pan, Trunks, and Uub are all wearing ridiculous outfits.
Vendor 1: "You should buy my outfit! You'd easily be mistaken for royalty."
Vendor 2: "More like being mistaken for a peasant. Try my toerings. They'll add more excitement for your feet."
Vendor 3: "With those pants you're wearing people will think your batting for the wrong team. Try on these instead."
Trunks: "Maybe we'll stay someplace else. Um, we just came here to get some parts for our spaceship. Do you have anything like that?"
Vendors all pull out random ship parts.
Vendor 4: "I'll just charge it to your account. As you can see, I have the lowest prices."
Vendor 5: "No, my prices are lower!"
Vendor 6: "My prices are the lowest and my wares are of the highest quality!"
Vendor 7: "I hope you chose well because there are no refunds."
They arrive at the hotel.
Trunks: "Any more of those crazy salesmen?"
Uub: "Looks like we're finally all clear."
Pan: "I've never seen a crazier bunch of people in my life. What was with them?"
Guy at Front Desk: "Welcome to the Hotel Imecka, the premier inn of Planet Imecka."
Pan: "Planet Imecka?"
Trunks: "We'd like a room, please."
Guy at Front Desk: "Sure thing. One moment."
Pan: "I still can't believe they tried to force a 250 Zeni earing on me. It was just a small tin ball attached to a rope!"
Guy at Front Desk: "You had an encounter with our street merchants, I see."
Trunks: "Yeah, they really did a number on us. I guess because we're naive tourists. We were lucky to escape with our money."
Guy at Front Desk: "Well, now that you're in our hands you can rest comfortably. Our bellhop will take you to your room."
Robot: "Allow me to take your luggage to your room." Takes luggage in one hand and Goku in the other.
Skip the scene where the robot takes them to the room. Start with where Uub plops down on the bed. Trunks instead sits down on one of the couches in front of the TV.
Uub: "Ah, this is the life."
Trunks: "This room is like a palace."
Pan: "I'm going to soak in a nice hot bath."
Goku: "Where's the food? I'm starving."
Trunks turns on the TV.
Newscaster: "People flocked to the palace today to hear Lord Don Ki address Imecka today on the subject of rent reform."
Don Ki: "....and that is why, without question, you must accept a rent increase. For the sake of our very way of life....."
Trunks: "Well, so much for democracy. It looks like a dictatorship."
Pan: "You guys, there's something wrong with the shower! The water keeps on running!"
Uub (getting up off the bed and being pulled back by the chain): "Wha--OOF! Huh!? What's this!?"
Goku: "You guys! I found the fridge! I hit the jackpot! The food won't stop coming out!"
Pan: "Trunks, there's something weird about this hotel! They have a meter on the shower like a taxi cab. It keeps increasing and it's already past 7,000!"
Uub: "Guys! There's another one under the pillow!"
Trunks: "You've got to be kidding me! There are money meters everywhere! This is insane! They're charging us for everything! Even for watching TV!"
Trunks, Uub, and Pan are freaking out as they notice everything that has a meter on it.
Trunks: "They're robbing us blind!"
Pan: "They even have the nerve to charge us for looking at the decorations!"
Uub (slicing the chain): "We're even being charged for lying in the bed! If I was actually sleeping, they would have probably charged double!"
Trunks: "I've never skipped a check before but let's go!"
Goku: "I'm staying here!"
Trunks (grabbing Goku): "No you're not!"
Trunks: "Well we picked a hell of a planet to crashland on."
Goku: "It seems like this whole quest has been going wrong from the start."
Pan: "What are you saying!? That this is all MY fault!?"
Goku: "Well we were still checking the ship when you pushed the button."
Pan: "You were the one who let the bad guys make a wish on the Black Star balls right under your nose! It's YOUR fault!"
Goku: "I guess you're right..."
Uub: "C'mon guys. Is this any time to be finger pointing? We've gotta find a place to stay for the night."
Trunks: "We can't afford a hotel anywhere on this planet and we can't just stay in the rain. Let's just head back to the ship."
Pan: "Are you kidding? I'm not getting wet!"
Trunks: "Of course not..."
Pan leans against the wall and falls through. The Old Couple and their kids stand over her.
Pan: "Oops, er, heh heh. Hi..."
Old Man: "So, are you enjoying your stay on Imecka?"
Pan: "No! People here are so greedy. They'll stoop to any level just to make a Zeni."
Trunks and Uub: "Pan!"
Old Man: "Don't worry. The child's honesty is refreshing."
Old Woman: "And the fact is, she's right."
Uub: "Pardon me for asking, but why is everyone on this planet like this?"
Old Man: "Our leader, Lord Don Ki is to blame."
Sirens sound.
Old Woman: "Are they coming here?"
Old Man: "I think so, damn them."
Repobots rip the wall down.
Repobot: "THE LEASE ON THIS DWELLING HAS EXPIRED! RENT IS NOW DUE! PRODUCE THE FUNDS IMMEDIATELY OR WE WILL REPOSSESS THIS DWELLING!"
The Old Couple look at each other in sadness because they don't have the money.
Repobot: "THE TIME TO PRODUCE THE FUNDS HAS EXPIRED! WE WILL NOW REPOSSESS THIS DWELLING! FUTURE RENTAL INQUIRIES MUST BE MADE AT THE PALACE DURING BUSINESS HOURS!"
Repobots begin dismantling the house.
Goku: "They're taking everything!"
Pan: "You won't have a home left for your children."
Old Man: "It can't be helped. I haven't been making nearly enough money lately no matter how much I try."
Old Woman: "Prices have shot through the roof ever since Lord Don Ki became our king."
Old Man: "Long ago, prices were affordable and we had no trouble providing for our families. But Lord Don Ki came to power, raised taxes to ludicrously high levels and nationalized the housing market. He tripled all our rent in his first year as king and hasn't stopped. All the money goes to fund his lavish lifestyle while the people are reduced to selling everything, including their souls, on the streets to hapless tourists just to be able to afford food."
Uub: "Well....at least you still have your health."
Old Woman: "Not for long. That Repobot over there just repossessed our life insurance policy."
Old Man: "But we do still have our children, and they are our reasons for pressing on no matter what humiliation we have to endure. Ho! I seem to have lost my roof."
Repobot: "REPOSSESSION IS COMPLETE! HAVE A NICE DAY!"
Uub: "Grrr! This isn't right! We can't let them get away with this!"
Goku: "Uub..."
Uub: "I've lived my whole life in poverty. My childhood years were spent in starvation! We can't let that happen to these people--to these children!"
Old Man: "You have a big heart, young man, but if you're proposing the use of force then I'm afraid that is out of the question. Don Ki is too powerful. If we were to send out any physical resistance, he would send out his army and ravage us all."
Uub (visibly angry): "Nnnngg!"
Old Woman: "We have enough hardships already. We don't want to add the bloodshed of our loved ones to the wait of our burden."
Uub (thinking): "No, they're wrong. There would be no bloodshed. I don't sense any powers on this planet that can rival mine."
Old Woman: "But thank you for your concern. You are very caring people. Bless you all."
Goku: "I hope those nice people can find a way to get their problems sorted out."
Uub: "It's not right! I didn't spend the last 5 years training so I can just ignore people's pain when they need help the most."
Pan: "I'm with Uub! We should go to this Don Ki's palace and teach him a lesson or two!"
Trunks: "It's not that simple guys. I agree that what he's doing is not right, but that's how life is on this planet and it's not our place nor our right to change what WE feel is wrong. We wouldn't like outsiders solving Earth's problems by force, would we?"
Goku: "Besides, if we do something to Don Ki, he might send those 3 powerful fighters I sensed after his people. We would have caused more problems for these people."
Uub: "Three!? But I didn't..."
Goku: "Oh that's OK. You probably didn't notice because you're so powerful, they seemed like ordinary people to you. But I sensed their power, and one of them is way stronger than me and Pan put together."
Pan: "Thanks, Grandpa. Oh, hey Trunks. Maybe there's a Dragon Ball on this planet."
Trunks: "I'm pretty sure there isn't."
Pan: "How do you know? Check! Use the Dragon Radar."
Trunks: "If you insist." Pulls out the Dragon Radar. "Mom recalibrated the Dragon Radar. Instead of using the planet's poles as a reference point, the Dragon Radar now uses the galactic center of this region of space and calculates the balls' distance using....." Notices everyone staring at him with a blank look on his face. "The Dragon Radar can now detect balls that are out in space instead of only ones that are on whatever planet we're currently on."
Goku: "Ohhh."
Pan: "Why didn't you just say so in the first place?"
Giru (startling Trunks who drops the Dragon Radar): "Giru Giru Giru Giru Giru.......Mmmmm." Eats Dragon Radar.
Trunks (while Uub notices something in the distance and walks off): "Ahhh! Without that Dragon Radar our whole mission is history!"
Giru: "Mmmm, energy! Energy needed to function!" Jumps out of sand and activates limbs. "Da-da-da-daaa! Giru now fully operational!"
Trunks: "Why you--! That's ours! Give it back!"
Giru: "Not capable! Giru! Device integrated into system! Giru!"
Trunks: "That's our Dragon Radar! If we lose that, we can kiss Earth and our families goodbye!"
Giru: "Already integrated! Kiss goodbye!"
Trunks (grabbing Giru): "What!?"
Goku: "We really should have packed a spare Dragon Radar or something, shouldn't we?"
Uub (off-panel): "GUYS!"
A panel of where the ship used to be, with tire track marks going off into the distance.
Uub: "The ship is gone! It's been stolen!"
Pan: "!!"
Goku: "!!"
Trunks: "!!"
Ship is flying through space.
Trunks: "Pan, this isn't funny. Give it back right now."
Pan: "No way! You want it? Come and get it!"
Trunks is running around the cockpit trying to get the override key from Pan. Goku and Uub are image training (like Gohan and Krillin on their way to Namek), sitting in their chairs facing each other. Goku seems to have lost the fight.
Goku: "Man, I'm still so weak."
Uub: "Sorry, Goku. I was trying to lower my power to keep up with you, I really was. But..."
Goku: "Don't sweat it, Uub. You should be proud that you're that powerful."
Uub: "Thanks, Goku. And it's all thanks to you."
Goku: "Don't mention it."
Uub (thinking): "I wonder if Goku noticed, but he's way more powerful than he was when he first got turned into a child. Even considering how much he's trained since then and his Saiyan nature, he shouldn't be THIS powerful. I wonder..."
Trunks: "GOKU! Would you please tell your granddaughter to give me back the override key? The controls are locked and a course has been set automatically, and we need to get Pan home."
Pan: "Oh please, why don't you stop treating me like a little kid?"
Trunks: "Because you ARE a little kid, Pan."
Goku: "Trunks is right, Pan. We're only doing what's best for you."
Pan (thinking): "And since when did YOU ever care what's best for me?"
Uub (looking out the window): "I've never seen outer space before. Is it always night like this?"
Goku: "Yeah. I was in space once for days going to Planet Namek. No matter what time of day it was, the sun never came out. It was night the whole time!"
Trunks: "Ha ha, guys, space is just the emptiness between planets, such as Earth. The reason that it gets light on Earth is because the sun illuminaties the atmosphere, and there's no atmosphere in space. Only emptiness."
Pan: "Yeah, there's no air or nothing out here."
Uub: "Really? Wow...That is so unsettling."
Pan: "Space is trillions and trillions the size of our tiny planet. We're truly on our own out here. They say in space, no one can here you scream."
Trunks: "Pan, that's enough! Don't scare him! Don't worry, Uub. The ship was made by some of the greatest minds on the planet, including my mom. Nothing's happening to THIS ship!"
A crash and the ship starts shaking. They go flying all over the place. They look outside to see part of the ship floating away. Trunks is freaking out.
Goku: "What is that thing? It looks like part of our spaceship. Oh well, it probably wasn't that important of a part anyway if they didn't bother to put it on right."
More scenes of the ship in space going haywire. Everyone's in the cockpit. The ship is shaking a lot.
Everybody: "Whoa!" "Hey!" "Waagh!" "Ahh!" So on and so forth.
Trunks: "Get your seatbelts on! We're going in for an emergency landing!"
Pan: "Emergency landing!? What's happening!?"
Trunks: "One of our stabilizer jets fell off! If we don't land soon, things are going to get really bad!"
Uub: "Are you kidding? It sounds like it's really bad already!"
Pan: "How bad exactly!?"
Trunks: "The ship will be torn apart!"
Pan: "Why did you tell me that!? I'm just a kid! You should have lied! What's wrong with you!?"
Uub: "Don't worry, Pan! We're all strong enough so that even if the ship disintegrates, we can survive! We won't be blown up!"
Pan: "Uub, we can't breathe in space! There's no air, remember!?"
Uub: "Oh yeah..... OH NO!"
Goku: "If we die, everyone on Earth will die too!"
Pan: "Will you shut up!? What kind of adults are you anyway!? I WANT MY MOMMY!!!"
Trunks: "Pan, we'll make it, I promise! We're going to be alright!"
Pan: "No, it's too late! We're doomed!"
Imecka appears.
Trunks: "OK, it looks like that's where we're headed! Everybody, make sure you're strapped in tight!"
Goku (with seatbelts wrapped around him): "Got it!"
Uub: "I'm in!"
Pan: "I don't wanna die!"
Trunks: "Nobody's gonna die here! We're just going to crash land!"
Pan: "Are you nuts!? People die in crashlandings!"
Goku: "Not when they're as strong as us!"
Trunks (intensely): "No one dies today."
Goku: "Wow, that was really cool the way you said that, Trunks. It was really intense, like in a movie."
Trunks: "Thanks. HERE WE GO!"
Goku: "That wasn't as cool."
The ship crashlands on Imecka (including the jump, creating one panel with all their faces in it. I liked that for some reason. I think you should include that in there). Everyone breathes an upside down sigh of relief.
Everyone is walking through the city. Vendors are selling their wares.
Pan: "I don't believe it. We're really on another planet. These are real aliens."
Trunks: "Remember, Pan, we're on THEIR planet. We're the aliens here."
Uub: "They look so different than us, yet they're so similiar."
Goku: "Wow, look at all that food!"
Trunks: "This marketplace really does have a hell of a selection."
Pan (sees jewelry): "I'll say. Look at this stuff! It's so beautiful."
Trunks: "Maybe we can get a place to stay for the night and repair the ship tomorrow."
Uub: "Sounds good to me."
A mob rushes over to them, covering them completely.
Mob: "This looks beautiful! You are so pretty! And you, so handsome! You must try this hat, it goes great with the scarf! Ooh, this shirt is lovely on you!" etc.
Goku, Pan, Trunks, and Uub are all wearing ridiculous outfits.
Vendor 1: "You should buy my outfit! You'd easily be mistaken for royalty."
Vendor 2: "More like being mistaken for a peasant. Try my toerings. They'll add more excitement for your feet."
Vendor 3: "With those pants you're wearing people will think your batting for the wrong team. Try on these instead."
Trunks: "Maybe we'll stay someplace else. Um, we just came here to get some parts for our spaceship. Do you have anything like that?"
Vendors all pull out random ship parts.
Vendor 4: "I'll just charge it to your account. As you can see, I have the lowest prices."
Vendor 5: "No, my prices are lower!"
Vendor 6: "My prices are the lowest and my wares are of the highest quality!"
Vendor 7: "I hope you chose well because there are no refunds."
They arrive at the hotel.
Trunks: "Any more of those crazy salesmen?"
Uub: "Looks like we're finally all clear."
Pan: "I've never seen a crazier bunch of people in my life. What was with them?"
Guy at Front Desk: "Welcome to the Hotel Imecka, the premier inn of Planet Imecka."
Pan: "Planet Imecka?"
Trunks: "We'd like a room, please."
Guy at Front Desk: "Sure thing. One moment."
Pan: "I still can't believe they tried to force a 250 Zeni earing on me. It was just a small tin ball attached to a rope!"
Guy at Front Desk: "You had an encounter with our street merchants, I see."
Trunks: "Yeah, they really did a number on us. I guess because we're naive tourists. We were lucky to escape with our money."
Guy at Front Desk: "Well, now that you're in our hands you can rest comfortably. Our bellhop will take you to your room."
Robot: "Allow me to take your luggage to your room." Takes luggage in one hand and Goku in the other.
Skip the scene where the robot takes them to the room. Start with where Uub plops down on the bed. Trunks instead sits down on one of the couches in front of the TV.
Uub: "Ah, this is the life."
Trunks: "This room is like a palace."
Pan: "I'm going to soak in a nice hot bath."
Goku: "Where's the food? I'm starving."
Trunks turns on the TV.
Newscaster: "People flocked to the palace today to hear Lord Don Ki address Imecka today on the subject of rent reform."
Don Ki: "....and that is why, without question, you must accept a rent increase. For the sake of our very way of life....."
Trunks: "Well, so much for democracy. It looks like a dictatorship."
Pan: "You guys, there's something wrong with the shower! The water keeps on running!"
Uub (getting up off the bed and being pulled back by the chain): "Wha--OOF! Huh!? What's this!?"
Goku: "You guys! I found the fridge! I hit the jackpot! The food won't stop coming out!"
Pan: "Trunks, there's something weird about this hotel! They have a meter on the shower like a taxi cab. It keeps increasing and it's already past 7,000!"
Uub: "Guys! There's another one under the pillow!"
Trunks: "You've got to be kidding me! There are money meters everywhere! This is insane! They're charging us for everything! Even for watching TV!"
Trunks, Uub, and Pan are freaking out as they notice everything that has a meter on it.
Trunks: "They're robbing us blind!"
Pan: "They even have the nerve to charge us for looking at the decorations!"
Uub (slicing the chain): "We're even being charged for lying in the bed! If I was actually sleeping, they would have probably charged double!"
Trunks: "I've never skipped a check before but let's go!"
Goku: "I'm staying here!"
Trunks (grabbing Goku): "No you're not!"
Trunks: "Well we picked a hell of a planet to crashland on."
Goku: "It seems like this whole quest has been going wrong from the start."
Pan: "What are you saying!? That this is all MY fault!?"
Goku: "Well we were still checking the ship when you pushed the button."
Pan: "You were the one who let the bad guys make a wish on the Black Star balls right under your nose! It's YOUR fault!"
Goku: "I guess you're right..."
Uub: "C'mon guys. Is this any time to be finger pointing? We've gotta find a place to stay for the night."
Trunks: "We can't afford a hotel anywhere on this planet and we can't just stay in the rain. Let's just head back to the ship."
Pan: "Are you kidding? I'm not getting wet!"
Trunks: "Of course not..."
Pan leans against the wall and falls through. The Old Couple and their kids stand over her.
Pan: "Oops, er, heh heh. Hi..."
Old Man: "So, are you enjoying your stay on Imecka?"
Pan: "No! People here are so greedy. They'll stoop to any level just to make a Zeni."
Trunks and Uub: "Pan!"
Old Man: "Don't worry. The child's honesty is refreshing."
Old Woman: "And the fact is, she's right."
Uub: "Pardon me for asking, but why is everyone on this planet like this?"
Old Man: "Our leader, Lord Don Ki is to blame."
Sirens sound.
Old Woman: "Are they coming here?"
Old Man: "I think so, damn them."
Repobots rip the wall down.
Repobot: "THE LEASE ON THIS DWELLING HAS EXPIRED! RENT IS NOW DUE! PRODUCE THE FUNDS IMMEDIATELY OR WE WILL REPOSSESS THIS DWELLING!"
The Old Couple look at each other in sadness because they don't have the money.
Repobot: "THE TIME TO PRODUCE THE FUNDS HAS EXPIRED! WE WILL NOW REPOSSESS THIS DWELLING! FUTURE RENTAL INQUIRIES MUST BE MADE AT THE PALACE DURING BUSINESS HOURS!"
Repobots begin dismantling the house.
Goku: "They're taking everything!"
Pan: "You won't have a home left for your children."
Old Man: "It can't be helped. I haven't been making nearly enough money lately no matter how much I try."
Old Woman: "Prices have shot through the roof ever since Lord Don Ki became our king."
Old Man: "Long ago, prices were affordable and we had no trouble providing for our families. But Lord Don Ki came to power, raised taxes to ludicrously high levels and nationalized the housing market. He tripled all our rent in his first year as king and hasn't stopped. All the money goes to fund his lavish lifestyle while the people are reduced to selling everything, including their souls, on the streets to hapless tourists just to be able to afford food."
Uub: "Well....at least you still have your health."
Old Woman: "Not for long. That Repobot over there just repossessed our life insurance policy."
Old Man: "But we do still have our children, and they are our reasons for pressing on no matter what humiliation we have to endure. Ho! I seem to have lost my roof."
Repobot: "REPOSSESSION IS COMPLETE! HAVE A NICE DAY!"
Uub: "Grrr! This isn't right! We can't let them get away with this!"
Goku: "Uub..."
Uub: "I've lived my whole life in poverty. My childhood years were spent in starvation! We can't let that happen to these people--to these children!"
Old Man: "You have a big heart, young man, but if you're proposing the use of force then I'm afraid that is out of the question. Don Ki is too powerful. If we were to send out any physical resistance, he would send out his army and ravage us all."
Uub (visibly angry): "Nnnngg!"
Old Woman: "We have enough hardships already. We don't want to add the bloodshed of our loved ones to the wait of our burden."
Uub (thinking): "No, they're wrong. There would be no bloodshed. I don't sense any powers on this planet that can rival mine."
Old Woman: "But thank you for your concern. You are very caring people. Bless you all."
Goku: "I hope those nice people can find a way to get their problems sorted out."
Uub: "It's not right! I didn't spend the last 5 years training so I can just ignore people's pain when they need help the most."
Pan: "I'm with Uub! We should go to this Don Ki's palace and teach him a lesson or two!"
Trunks: "It's not that simple guys. I agree that what he's doing is not right, but that's how life is on this planet and it's not our place nor our right to change what WE feel is wrong. We wouldn't like outsiders solving Earth's problems by force, would we?"
Goku: "Besides, if we do something to Don Ki, he might send those 3 powerful fighters I sensed after his people. We would have caused more problems for these people."
Uub: "Three!? But I didn't..."
Goku: "Oh that's OK. You probably didn't notice because you're so powerful, they seemed like ordinary people to you. But I sensed their power, and one of them is way stronger than me and Pan put together."
Pan: "Thanks, Grandpa. Oh, hey Trunks. Maybe there's a Dragon Ball on this planet."
Trunks: "I'm pretty sure there isn't."
Pan: "How do you know? Check! Use the Dragon Radar."
Trunks: "If you insist." Pulls out the Dragon Radar. "Mom recalibrated the Dragon Radar. Instead of using the planet's poles as a reference point, the Dragon Radar now uses the galactic center of this region of space and calculates the balls' distance using....." Notices everyone staring at him with a blank look on his face. "The Dragon Radar can now detect balls that are out in space instead of only ones that are on whatever planet we're currently on."
Goku: "Ohhh."
Pan: "Why didn't you just say so in the first place?"
Giru (startling Trunks who drops the Dragon Radar): "Giru Giru Giru Giru Giru.......Mmmmm." Eats Dragon Radar.
Trunks (while Uub notices something in the distance and walks off): "Ahhh! Without that Dragon Radar our whole mission is history!"
Giru: "Mmmm, energy! Energy needed to function!" Jumps out of sand and activates limbs. "Da-da-da-daaa! Giru now fully operational!"
Trunks: "Why you--! That's ours! Give it back!"
Giru: "Not capable! Giru! Device integrated into system! Giru!"
Trunks: "That's our Dragon Radar! If we lose that, we can kiss Earth and our families goodbye!"
Giru: "Already integrated! Kiss goodbye!"
Trunks (grabbing Giru): "What!?"
Goku: "We really should have packed a spare Dragon Radar or something, shouldn't we?"
Uub (off-panel): "GUYS!"
A panel of where the ship used to be, with tire track marks going off into the distance.
Uub: "The ship is gone! It's been stolen!"
Pan: "!!"
Goku: "!!"
Trunks: "!!"
Boy, support for this project is pretty dismal. I mean, I didn't expect a cult following or anything, but wow.
Seriously though, what is it that's driving people away from this? Is it the lack of an actual manga to go with this manga script? Is it because the chapters are pretty close to the source material at this point? Are the changes that I made bad and everybody prefers Toei's version of the story? Is it the writing style or bad dialogue?
Would people prefer me to either post some of the original adventures (only two of which have been completed, though I'm writing a third now), episodes that I had changed more than these other parts, or just certain parts of chapters that I thought were particularly good?
Seriously though, what is it that's driving people away from this? Is it the lack of an actual manga to go with this manga script? Is it because the chapters are pretty close to the source material at this point? Are the changes that I made bad and everybody prefers Toei's version of the story? Is it the writing style or bad dialogue?
Would people prefer me to either post some of the original adventures (only two of which have been completed, though I'm writing a third now), episodes that I had changed more than these other parts, or just certain parts of chapters that I thought were particularly good?
Fanfics don't seem to do all that well here. Fanmangas do though.
As for original adventure, bring it on!
As for original adventure, bring it on!
[quote="Brakus"]For all the flack that FUNimation gets on this forum for their quote about DBZ, there's some modicum of truth to it: a 9-year-old is born every day. Or in some cases, "reborn". DBZ may be a kids' show, but it's been so close to so many hearts all over Japan, America, and quite possibly, even the world.[/quote]
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Captain Awesome
- Patreon Supporter
- Posts: 2653
- Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2007 1:31 am
- Location: Australia, Planet Earth
"Insert brief description of surroundings"Joey Batz wrote: Are the changes that I made bad and everybody prefers Toei's version of the story? Is it the writing style or bad dialogue?
Goku: Insert dialogue
Pan: Insert dialogue
Vegeta: Insert dialogue.
That isn't how you write a story, I understand that you wrote this with a manga in mind, but as of right now it's just a story on it's own, and the way you've written in not only makes it hard to read but also makes it completely uninteresting.
I'll also be honest with you that when it comes to Fanfics, for me to be even remotely interested they have to be something special, and so far yours is just a stilted summary of the start of GT with a few minor changes.
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NeptuneKai
- I Live Here
- Posts: 3576
- Joined: Thu Feb 22, 2007 9:51 pm
Not to mention in the past few months "rewriting of GT" and "DRAGONBALL AF" fanfics have been done to death. If you're going to pick a somewhat cliche' subject you need something that makes you stand out and as of now there is nothing.
Aro started to laugh. “Ha, ha, ha,” he chuckled.- Actual quote from Twilight
Trust me, they're a lot more difficult to make, though. >.<bkev wrote:Fanfics don't seem to do all that well here. Fanmangas do though.
I've been meaning to restart my "Adventurer" fanmanga for so long...but I've been waaaay too busy.
Rocketman(In response to a post about Pandora's Box) wrote: I sat here for ten damn minutes wondering what the hell God of War had to do with any of this.
Youtube | Art/Animation BlogInsertclevername wrote:I plan to lose my virginity to Dragon Box 2.
Yeah, I see what you're saying on that. As I said in the past (and as you have acknowledged I said), this was never supposed to see the light of day in text form.Captain Awesome wrote:
"Insert brief description of surroundings"
Goku: Insert dialogue
Pan: Insert dialogue
Vegeta: Insert dialogue.
That isn't how you write a story, I understand that you wrote this with a manga in mind, but as of right now it's just a story on it's own, and the way you've written in not only makes it hard to read but also makes it completely uninteresting.
I'll also be honest with you that when it comes to Fanfics, for me to be even remotely interested they have to be something special, and so far yours is just a stilted summary of the start of GT with a few minor changes.
Are you going to continue? The idea is pretty good but change more details. I probably dont need to tell you that since you already said that it will be different in the later chapters. From now on you shoud write more like this.
Goku dodged the ki blast. Woah that was fast," said goku. Goku rushes at the enemy and so on.
Goku dodged the ki blast. Woah that was fast," said goku. Goku rushes at the enemy and so on.
90% of dragonball fans detest dragonballgt. If you are one of the 10% who like GT, post this in your signature.
Read my DBGT Remake fanfic! http://db.schuby.org/daizex/viewtopic.php?t=9747
Read my DBAF fanfic, it has terrible writing the first few chapters but I improve in later ones, http://anime.myfavoritegames.com/creative-corner/fanworks-library/101320-dragonballaf.html
Read my DBGT Remake fanfic! http://db.schuby.org/daizex/viewtopic.php?t=9747
Read my DBAF fanfic, it has terrible writing the first few chapters but I improve in later ones, http://anime.myfavoritegames.com/creative-corner/fanworks-library/101320-dragonballaf.html