Dragon Ball NG: New Generation (Feedback, please)

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jjgp1112
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Dragon Ball NG: New Generation (Feedback, please)

Post by jjgp1112 » Sun Jun 06, 2010 5:35 pm

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6021517/1/D ... Generation

I originally did this fic last year, but I got bored with it. But now that I have more free time, I decided to rewrite it. Here is the description, copied and pasted from the old thread:

200 years after the end of GT, there's a new generation of characters. However, they don't have any past knowledge of some of the stuff that Goku and his friends did. They also all don't already know each other, etc. Basically, the story would play out like the original Dragon Ball. Also, NO SUPER SAIYANS RIGHT OFF THE GET-GO. Hell, they don't even know about they're Saiyan heritage.

The story's all about Gosu, who looks exactly like Goku and has a tail. However, he's sort of the opposite of Goku, and more like Yusuke Uramaeshi. A troublemaker, always looking for a fight, foul-mouthed, perverted, rude, etc. He doesn't have a father as far as he's concerned while his mother died when he was a baby, so he makes a living on his own. He spends long periods of time away from home and is usually stealing food from restaurants to satisfy his abnormal appetite. The only thing that he really hold sacred to himself is the four-star ball, which was something his mother found one day. During one of his many attempted robberies, someone notices the Dragon Ball with him (he wears it as a necklace) and tells him the legend of the Dragon Ball. He decides to dedicate his life to finding the Dragon Balls so he can meet his father. Sure he has no radar, so he's just gonna find it himself.

(and I'm gonna copy the plot of Far & Away with this part)

He finds a mansion in his search one night and decides to sleep in the backyard. He wakes up and sees a girl and hides but makes too much noise. She finds him and shoots at him and causes a huge commotion. The bodyguard and her parents come out, and Gosu decides to fight, but slips and gets knocked unconscious. When he recovers, the girl, Chitsu (I'm sure Herms knows what this means :P ), asks him what the hell he's doing there, and Gosu explains the story of the Dragon Balls. The bodyguard challenges Gosu to a fight, and Gosu seems out-matched, but then Chitsu comes in a motorcycle and tells Gosu to hop on leave. Her parents are outraged but she doesn't care. Gosu hops on and they go off for an adventure...
Last edited by jjgp1112 on Wed Jul 28, 2010 8:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Yamcha: Do you remember the spell to release him - do you know all the words?
Bulma: Of course! I'm not gonna pull a Frieza and screw it up!
Master Roshi: Bulma, I think Frieza failed because he wore too many clothes!
Cold World (Fanfic)
"It ain't never too late to stop bein' a bitch." - Chad Lamont Butler

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Re: Dragon Ball NG: New Generation

Post by jjgp1112 » Tue Jun 08, 2010 7:59 pm

Yamcha: Do you remember the spell to release him - do you know all the words?
Bulma: Of course! I'm not gonna pull a Frieza and screw it up!
Master Roshi: Bulma, I think Frieza failed because he wore too many clothes!
Cold World (Fanfic)
"It ain't never too late to stop bein' a bitch." - Chad Lamont Butler

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Re: Dragon Ball NG: New Generation

Post by jjgp1112 » Wed Jun 09, 2010 9:35 pm

Chapter 5:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6021517/5/D ... Generation

I'm going to try and make the chapters longer from now on.
Yamcha: Do you remember the spell to release him - do you know all the words?
Bulma: Of course! I'm not gonna pull a Frieza and screw it up!
Master Roshi: Bulma, I think Frieza failed because he wore too many clothes!
Cold World (Fanfic)
"It ain't never too late to stop bein' a bitch." - Chad Lamont Butler

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Re: Dragon Ball NG: New Generation

Post by Big Momma » Wed Jun 09, 2010 9:47 pm

Seems really interesting! Between this and Kaboom's fic, I'm gonna be busy with these fanfics!


Which is weird....because I don't usually read fanfics...ever... >.<
Rocketman(In response to a post about Pandora's Box) wrote: I sat here for ten damn minutes wondering what the hell God of War had to do with any of this.
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Re: Dragon Ball NG: New Generation

Post by jjgp1112 » Wed Jul 28, 2010 8:02 pm

Alright, now I've gotten to a point far beyond where I was when I stopped last year. I've already completed two arcs, and now I'm heading into the stuff that I'm REALLY looking forward to writing. The next few chapters are gonna be exciting.
Yamcha: Do you remember the spell to release him - do you know all the words?
Bulma: Of course! I'm not gonna pull a Frieza and screw it up!
Master Roshi: Bulma, I think Frieza failed because he wore too many clothes!
Cold World (Fanfic)
"It ain't never too late to stop bein' a bitch." - Chad Lamont Butler

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Re: Dragon Ball NG: New Generation (Feedback, please)

Post by jjgp1112 » Wed Aug 04, 2010 3:36 pm

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6021517/24/ ... Generation

The story's really about to pick up now.
Yamcha: Do you remember the spell to release him - do you know all the words?
Bulma: Of course! I'm not gonna pull a Frieza and screw it up!
Master Roshi: Bulma, I think Frieza failed because he wore too many clothes!
Cold World (Fanfic)
"It ain't never too late to stop bein' a bitch." - Chad Lamont Butler

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Re: Dragon Ball NG: New Generation (Feedback, please)

Post by verto » Wed Aug 11, 2010 12:16 am

I'm not one for big posts, and I'm not good at really explaining how i feel about stories and what-not, so I'll keep this simple.
I've been reading your story and over the past few days I'm almost caught up. I have to say, I REALLY like it.

Just wanted you to know that at least one person here (well, I'm the second to post I guess) is reading it and getting enjoyment from your story, keep writing and I'll sure as hell keep reading.
Proud to be a S<3NE.

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Re: Dragon Ball NG: New Generation (Feedback, please)

Post by jjgp1112 » Thu Aug 12, 2010 7:49 pm

verto wrote:I'm not one for big posts, and I'm not good at really explaining how i feel about stories and what-not, so I'll keep this simple.
I've been reading your story and over the past few days I'm almost caught up. I have to say, I REALLY like it.

Just wanted you to know that at least one person here (well, I'm the second to post I guess) is reading it and getting enjoyment from your story, keep writing and I'll sure as hell keep reading.
Thanks!
Yamcha: Do you remember the spell to release him - do you know all the words?
Bulma: Of course! I'm not gonna pull a Frieza and screw it up!
Master Roshi: Bulma, I think Frieza failed because he wore too many clothes!
Cold World (Fanfic)
"It ain't never too late to stop bein' a bitch." - Chad Lamont Butler

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verto
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Re: Dragon Ball NG: New Generation (Feedback, please)

Post by verto » Thu Aug 12, 2010 8:14 pm

Two questions

How far do you plan on going in the story? (only Dragonball, doing DBZ as well or a up to certain part of the series, etc.)

This one isn't about your story, but I saw in your favourites you had DBV series one there, you still reading it?
Proud to be a S<3NE.

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jjgp1112
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Re: Dragon Ball NG: New Generation (Feedback, please)

Post by jjgp1112 » Thu Aug 12, 2010 11:43 pm

1) Y'know, I'm really not sure. I might go into DBZ stuff, but I might do it very differently from the actual DBZ. I'll just figure it out when I get to it
2) I think I added that to my favorites list a REEEEEEEEEEEEEAALLLLLY long time ago, to the point where I probably don't even remember much of it. I don't read it anymore, though. I believe I started reading it and ran out of time to read it and just forgot about it.
Yamcha: Do you remember the spell to release him - do you know all the words?
Bulma: Of course! I'm not gonna pull a Frieza and screw it up!
Master Roshi: Bulma, I think Frieza failed because he wore too many clothes!
Cold World (Fanfic)
"It ain't never too late to stop bein' a bitch." - Chad Lamont Butler

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jjgp1112
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Re: Dragon Ball NG: New Generation (Feedback, please)

Post by jjgp1112 » Fri Aug 20, 2010 5:24 pm

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6021517/33/ ... Generation

These are the chapters I'm really enjoying writing.
Yamcha: Do you remember the spell to release him - do you know all the words?
Bulma: Of course! I'm not gonna pull a Frieza and screw it up!
Master Roshi: Bulma, I think Frieza failed because he wore too many clothes!
Cold World (Fanfic)
"It ain't never too late to stop bein' a bitch." - Chad Lamont Butler

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jjgp1112
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Re: Dragon Ball NG: New Generation (Feedback, please)

Post by jjgp1112 » Fri Jan 28, 2011 6:38 pm

I could really use some feedback, guys:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6021517/56/
Yamcha: Do you remember the spell to release him - do you know all the words?
Bulma: Of course! I'm not gonna pull a Frieza and screw it up!
Master Roshi: Bulma, I think Frieza failed because he wore too many clothes!
Cold World (Fanfic)
"It ain't never too late to stop bein' a bitch." - Chad Lamont Butler

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Re: Dragon Ball NG: New Generation (Feedback, please)

Post by TheGmGoken » Fri Aug 16, 2013 1:08 am

Lol My girlfriend uses the same name for her fanfic. But she uses a video game

Youtube.com/LostSoulzKGM

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