Post
by Darkbloom » Sat Sep 18, 2010 11:27 am
Maybe(re: definitely) I'm overanalysing a fictional character in a Japanese comic book meant for 8 year olds, but I like to subscribe to (my) theory that Bulma has a case of hybristophilia that goes untreated and thus gets more and more severe as she gets older. Is she ever attracted any man(apart from Goku) who was not a villain at one point?
She starts off small, getting infatuated with a handsome pedophile, only to be let down when it turns out he is just an ugly pig. She spends the next few hours inwardly crying over the heartbreak, but then she spots a handsome young man… robbing her and trying to kill a small child. Her heart is aflutter! All her life, she has been sheltered from crime by her rich parents, never has she seen such an unabashed display of evil!
She and Yamcha start a relationship, mainly out of convenience. Bulma is thrilled. She imagines that he is a passionate lovemaker, who puts as much energy into sex as he does into... being a desert bandit. Her fetish doesn’t stop here though. Everytime she sees a handsome man performing a heinous crime, her heart goes wild! Amongst others, she becomes briefly infatuated with a gay general of an evil army, and a green underling of a galactic Hitler.
One night she takes a good look at Yamcha. The past few years had been so boring. Gone was that desert bandit she had once fallen in love with. He was such a pacifist now. Only fighting to save the world. She couldn’t bear it! Deep inside her, she urged to feel the pangs of love she only felt making love to a mass-murderer, like that sexy midget, Vegeta. Yamcha was good in bed, but he was no actor. She couldn’t let herself go on with it. She needed to break up with him, AND FAST!
But she couldn’t just break up with him, just like that! She may be a bitch, but she still had a heart! Yamcha was a nice man. That was the problem. No. She needed a good reason.
The next night she and Yamcha went to the movies. While Yamcha was purchasing refreshments in the lobby, Bulma excused herself to lavatory. This was the night that she needed to break up with Yamcha. But how?
She exited the toilets and saw Yamcha speaking to some girls. She quickly hid behind a cardboard cutout advertising the latest Tom Cruise movie. So they were fans of his baseball career huh? This was the perfect excuse to rid herself of Yamcha. She jumps out from the cardboard and accuses him of cheating on her. Yamcha looks shocked! These girls had only been asking for his autograph. He tried to explain this to Bulma, but she take any of it. She storms out of the theatre in anger and rounds a corner! She mentally congratulates herself on her fantastic acting skill and heads to the nearest bar to celebrate her victory, perhaps with a quick stop off at the prison.
The next day she was walking through the corridors of her expansive house, quite pleased with herself, and noticed Vegeta taking a break from training. She asks him if he had ever experienced the touch of a woman. And everything gets bit X-rated from here onwards.