Fan Manga

*PINHEAD* · Post by ***PINHEAD*** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 3:09 pm

Sorry for bumping a somewhat old topic...

But I thought I'd share some of my work. I had to make do with what I have, so being the cheap bastard I am, I took pictures of some pages of my fan comic with a digital camera.

I did it in traditional right to left format, like Japanese manga (I wanted to keep it true to the series...oh well). Taking place in Trunks' timeline, my manga's about Son Goku defeating Freeza on Earth. It begins with a flashback of the fight on Namek.

[sketches replaced]

I know it's really rough and sketchy, not to mention low quality. This isn't my best work, and I didn't really spend much time on it. But I wanna know what you guys think about it. Don't be too hard...

EDIT:

Bejiita · Post by **Bejiita** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 7:57 pm

I like it.

I would want to see more, I like the way you drew Frieza on the top of page 2, the 2nd Frieza on page 1 could do with some improvement on the right eye, and you should make Frieza's eyeballs smaller too, apart from that it's drawn great.

This topic does seem to be getting a bit old, but I'll post the rest of my 1st chapter soon, the next 4 pages are already drawn, just getting 3 more done.

askani son · Post by **askani son** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 8:00 pm

I like it. I have to admit I like sketchy work though. I prefer it when it looks like it has been done for fun other than laboured (maybe it's 'cos that's how I draw.

)
My only dislike is the text. It's a bit too sketchy, lol.
But on the hole I really like it and I'd love to see more.

P.S. Bejita are you still gonna update with more manga?

Bejiita · Post by **Bejiita** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:12 pm

Ah heck, I might as well post what I've done so far...I'll put it on page 1 now, 4 more pages.

lost in thought · Post by **lost in thought** » Mon Jul 18, 2005 9:59 pm

*Pinhead*:
Now I shall judge thine work.

Alright, down to the nitty gritty of things, I think your style is generally decent, and you seem to over-emphasize things (which generally turns out nice looking,) but here are a few things I'd say you should work on:

Backgrounds: From the backgrounds that display within each frame, they definitely need a little improvement. (Whether they're merely just rough sketch, and to be given a better appearance later on, they're rather ugly.)

Character design: After looking over the way you handle characters throughout the two pages, three stand out heavily.
1.) Freeza in the bottom right panel of the first page; he could stand improvement.
2.) Goku in the center panel of the second page; he's definitely low quality, and could very much stand a complete re-draw.
3.) Goku in the lower-right panel of the second page; he much like the second example could definitely use a bit of tweaking, but mostly in the face.

Text: Your text could definitely do with a bit more refining.
-----------------------------------

Okay, now that I've pointed out the problems within the comic pages, I'll say this; I think they're well drawn in spite of the things I mentioned above, and if the things I had mentioned could be mended, I would say it could be damn near excellent, especially if you went so far as to ink your work.

With that said, I wouldn't mind seeing more of your work, Pinhead.

*PINHEAD* · Post by ***PINHEAD*** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 4:48 pm

Um, I tried inking just to see how it would turn out. Inking's a real pain, and as you can see, I have next to nothing when it comes to experience. Oh well. I edited my above post and replaced the previous images with the new inked ones.

Bejiita · Post by **Bejiita** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 5:39 pm

It definately looks better, and I see you changed the right eye on that Frieza, it looks a lot better now, and since it's inked it all stands out better now.

Good job.

I think the Goku at the bottom right of page 2 could do with a bit of improvement though.

askani son · Post by **askani son** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 6:09 pm

That's very cool! Especially that top right frame. Very well done that is...

lost in thought · Post by **lost in thought** » Tue Jul 19, 2005 8:02 pm

That Pinhead, is excellent.

However, I still believe page 2's middle panel Goku could still use a little tweaking in the facial area, though. Aside that, it's great. I applaud your work.

Bejiita · Post by **Bejiita** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 5:12 pm

I just want to say for those who don't know I added more pages on page 1.

Rocketman · Post by **Rocketman** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 6:06 pm

I must say, I'm enjoying your comic, Bejiita. It'll be interesting to see how/if you handle GT.

Conan the SSJ · Post by **Conan the SSJ** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 6:36 pm

Bejiita wrote:Ah heck, I might as well post what I've done so far...I'll put it on page 1 now, 4 more pages.

Uh Bejita, I'm getting only red Xs for your updated pages.

Holken · Post by **Holken** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 6:48 pm

*PINHEAD*: it is not bad

good work!

Bejiita: Congratulation!! it is very beautiful!

askani son · Post by **askani son** » Wed Jul 20, 2005 6:50 pm

They all work fine for me

.
Anyway, I'm loving the manga Bejita. I especially like how you're handling Goten. I hated GT Goten

Bejiita · Post by **Bejiita** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 10:16 am

Thanks people.

Oh, Conan, they should be working, they work for me...

I'm happy you are pleased with the way Goten is done, I don't really like Goten in GT anyway, if anything I was suprised when Goten changed he's Goku-hair, guess it makes sense since he's not a full blooded Saiyan.

Another thing is I don't want to make it like GT, but similar thing might accidentally occur, since I haven't seen most of GT.

Conan the SSJ · Post by **Conan the SSJ** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 12:30 pm

Bejiita wrote:Thanks people.

Oh, Conan, they should be working, they work for me...

I'm happy you are pleased with the way Goten is done, I don't really like Goten in GT anyway, if anything I was suprised when Goten changed he's Goku-hair, guess it makes sense since he's not a full blooded Saiyan.

Another thing is I don't want to make it like GT, but similar thing might accidentally occur, since I haven't seen most of GT.

Luckilly a guy here on the forum was able to upload me the last 4 pages, so I was able to catch your recent work. Very impressive job, Bejita. You've gotten facieal features, character dialouge, ect. practicly perfect. I do hope you find a way to bring SSJ4 into the manga, and also perhaps allow Uub to learn of his true link with Majin Buu, maybe you can throw in the life-dependacy link for them like Kami and Piccolo had.

Bejiita · Post by **Bejiita** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 3:31 pm

They should work on the page, but nevermind, as long as you cans ee them.

I don't like when peopole say it's perfect, it makes other users come and say their piece on how it's not, I know it's not, load of smudging, and some pencil mistakes I can't be bothered to erase with MS paint or a rubber. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you like it, too much good comments sometimes brings out the bad in people, it was something someone said on another forum that made me stop for a while.

Anyway, time for GT on Toonami, the last episode! I've been waiting for this.

Conan the SSJ · Post by **Conan the SSJ** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:12 pm

Bejiita wrote:They should work on the page, but nevermind, as long as you cans ee them.

I don't like when peopole say it's perfect, it makes other users come and say their piece on how it's not, I know it's not, load of smudging, and some pencil mistakes I can't be bothered to erase with MS paint or a rubber. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you like it, too much good comments sometimes brings out the bad in people, it was something someone said on another forum that made me stop for a while.

Anyway, time for GT on Toonami, the last episode! I've been waiting for this.

Episode 64 is the best episode of GT, and I'll go so far as to say on a top 10 list for one of the best episodes in the entire 3 series trilogy. Enjoy the final conclusion of Goku and his story, the last 5 minutes to me left more of a completness than Z's last 5 did. Whoops, getting off-topic; anywho, best of luck on the rest of the first chapter.

*PINHEAD* · Post by ***PINHEAD*** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 5:34 pm

Unfortunately I only saw the last one minute of the final GT episode. That one minute was the only minute of the show I actually watched...

Nice work, Bejita. Your comic is moving along pretty well. As for mine, I don't really know if I'm gonna finish it; I made it as a way to practice and get used to different techniques and such. But if anyone's interested, I edited my above post again, this time with two more pages. See if you can find the "hidden messages" in page 3.

Bejiita · Post by **Bejiita** » Thu Jul 21, 2005 6:40 pm

Ah, it was a good episode, the didn't show the entire clip of the ending with Dan Dan in the Background, just the bit where Goku meets Goten and the bit where he flys off, they did play Dan Dan in Japanese though.

Yeah, those next 2 pages look wicked, I like the way it's skipping scenes as he's speaking on page 2, when is your bit going to come in?

Conan, I have already seen the episode in Japanese already, I wanted to see how Blue Water handled it, and they handled it very good. The translations are near enough perfect, and it's an enjoyable watch.