DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

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Kaboom
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by Kaboom » Mon Jan 07, 2013 5:33 pm

Tzigi wrote:- bare feet - make a lot more sens than the magical shoes he gets out of nowhere
- a longer tail
- nipples?
- the orange aura - fits him better than the standard SSJ one
- and are his eyes more red than they used to be? Or is it only a byproduct of using watercolours?
- Makes more sense for THAT battle, anyway.
- A longer tail is something I've considered for Super Saiyan 4 itself, but in this case I think it's just how it ended up being drawn.
- Yep. They're covered with fur in Oozaru but I don't see why they'd not be there in Super Saiyan 4.
- Yeah, I've always liked it too. One of the really good "expanded universe" things that the video games have brought to the table. It's been part of "my" SSJ4 since day one.
- That's just what happens when you try to use a watercolor brush to paint a thin red border around the eyes. No real actual change with that from the GT version.
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by Saiga » Mon Jan 07, 2013 10:47 pm

I think you should keep the Goku bootless in SS4, it makes him look more wild.

All your designs look good, I like 17's shoulder absorption pads and and Oob's sash/cape thing.
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by DragonBalllKaiHD » Tue Jan 08, 2013 2:34 am

Kaboom wrote:Alright, here we go! First up, for DragonBalllKaiHD, it's Super Android 17!

Image
A-awesome....! I really like how Super 17's outfits mirror the destruction of the city. It's almost like doomsday. I'd like to use your concept of Super 17 to make fanart, if you don't mind.

Thanks for Super 17 :thumbup:
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by CaBrPi » Wed Jan 09, 2013 3:11 pm

Okay, so I finally got around to reading this chapter (having been busy getting ready to leave for college). A few things were somewhat predictable, though it seems like you intended that, so it's really not a bad thing.

But once again, this was a great chapter. The descriptions are so vivid but not overwhelming, so it's very easy to picture Planet Koum AND its inhabitants. And it's so incredibly fun to read Goku's parts.

The one thing I did have a problem with was a seeming time discrepancy. You say Regano is 15, and his parents died when he was so young, he barely remembers them. Yet, he has a sister who has to be pretty young, maybe 5 at most, which would put Regano at 10 years old at his parents' deaths. Unless Koumians age differently from humans (like Saiyans do), I can't really reconcile that.

Would it be spoilery to explain?

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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by Kaboom » Wed Jan 09, 2013 3:27 pm

Saiga wrote:I think you should keep the Goku bootless in SS4, it makes him look more wild.
All your designs look good, I like 17's shoulder absorption pads and and Oob's sash/cape thing.
Well, like I said, the circumstances of one particular SSJ4 battle leave him barefoot, but "looking more wild" was/is DEFINITELY the artistic intent.

Those aren't absorption ports. They're "expulsion" ports. :wink:
DragonBalllKaiHD wrote:A-awesome....! I really like how Super 17's outfits mirror the destruction of the city. It's almost like doomsday. I'd like to use your concept of Super 17 to make fanart, if you don't mind.
Thanks for Super 17 :thumbup:
You're welcome. Be my guest with the fanart. But you'll have to guess about the front side of Super 17's appearance, since I purposely didn't show it... :shh:
CaBrPi wrote:The one thing I did have a problem with was a seeming time discrepancy. You say Regano is 15, and his parents died when he was so young, he barely remembers them. Yet, he has a sister who has to be pretty young, maybe 5 at most, which would put Regano at 10 years old at his parents' deaths. Unless Koumians age differently from humans (like Saiyans do), I can't really reconcile that.
Would it be spoilery to explain?
Hmm... Was there one part in particular (that I can't remember) where I emphasized this? To be honest, I don't think I intended to have Regano's memories of his parents be so sketchy or faint. He would have at least been old enough when they died for their semi-limited upbringing of him to sink in, like I stressed in Regano's character bio.
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by CaBrPi » Wed Jan 09, 2013 3:31 pm

"I barely remember them, but the lessons they taught me early on have definitely stuck."

He says this to Pan when they're on their "date".

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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by Kaboom » Wed Jan 09, 2013 4:35 pm

CaBrPi wrote:"I barely remember them, but the lessons they taught me early on have definitely stuck."

He says this to Pan when they're on their "date".
Roger. Yeah, I over-stated that. Might be worth going back and tweaking that line.
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by CaBrPi » Wed Jan 09, 2013 4:44 pm

Kaboom wrote:
CaBrPi wrote:"I barely remember them, but the lessons they taught me early on have definitely stuck."

He says this to Pan when they're on their "date".
Roger. Yeah, I over-stated that. Might be worth going back and tweaking that line.
Ah, I see. Yeah, that makes sense.

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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by Kaboom » Fri Jan 18, 2013 3:01 pm

So, I've got a problem.

I've got not two, not three, but FOUR different options for a title to Chapter 17. All four fit the events of the chapter equally well, all four are concise and recognizable pop references, and all four reflect my sparkling sense of wit. But I just can't bring myself to pick one and discard the others. So I'm shoving that responsibility on to you! That's right, you!



YOU hold the power to change the course of history! YOU hold the power to name this stunning upcoming chapter in the gripping fictional saga that is GT Revised! YOU hold the power to keep humoring me in pretending this is a bigger deal than it really is! YOU hold the power to not find out the result until the chapter is published!
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by CaBrPi » Fri Jan 18, 2013 6:41 pm

Hrm... "All's Fair..." is probably more significant to the story itself, but "No Coup for You!" is just plain hilarious... decisions, decisions...

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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by Gyt Kaliba » Fri Jan 18, 2013 7:09 pm

I had to go with 'All's Fair'. They're all good, but that one seemed the least...'forced', no offense. It's easily the best of the titles there, IMO anyway. :P
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by fogdark » Fri Jan 18, 2013 7:13 pm

No doubt in my mind, "No coup for you" is a must! lol
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by Saiga » Fri Jan 18, 2013 7:16 pm

I can't even remember what I voted for. I'm like a goldfish.
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by CaBrPi » Fri Jan 18, 2013 9:18 pm

Saiga wrote:I can't even remember what I voted for. I'm like a goldfish.
You die after a few weeks?

I kid, I kid... But I ended up voting for both of those two I mentioned... :oops:

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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by Saiga » Sat Jan 19, 2013 1:23 am

Kaboom wrote:
Those aren't absorption ports. They're "expulsion" ports. :wink:
Oh, well... I was thinking that extra absorption ports made his need to be in a stance to absorb energy more logical, but, uh... nevermind then.
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by Kaboom » Sat Feb 02, 2013 2:32 am

Who wants an excerpt from Chapter 17? YOU do! Because I said so!
GTR Chapter 17 wrote: “Pan!” Goku cried out upon finally spotting her. “Trunks finally fixed the ship’s oven! We can have fish sticks tonight!”

Pan and Regano made no change to their pace in approaching the ship as the former was escorted “home” by the gentlemanly latter. Pan naturally saw fit to point out Goku’s inherent absurdity as they reached him.

“Grandpa,” she said. “Why are you so excited about plain old fish sticks? You’ve spent every day we’ve been on this planet feasting on exotic seafood.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Goku lectured her as if it should be common knowledge. “There’s no substitute for good ol’ breaded fish sticks.”

“Plus, at the rate you’ve been going,” Trunks added. “You’ll end up driving every fish species on this planet to extinction.” He looked at Regano. “We can’t keep mooching off you guys forever.”

“Yeah, Pan,” Goku added. “You should figure out whether you’re gonna marry Regano or not already. I mean look, he’s even escortin’ you back to the ship at night even though he doesn’t even need to at all. Just like what Goten’s out really late doin’ every time he goes out with a girl.”

“Stop it, Grandpa,” Pan insisted, though out of little more than habit at this point.

“I’ll be completely honest,” Regano said, not wasting an opportunity to pour on the charm. “My time spent with you these past few days has already given me a lifetime’s worth of happiness. Even if you don’t accept my proposal in the end,” he started to turn to leave. “Then wherever your travels take you, I hope you’ll remember our time together even half as fondly.” He waved to them all as he began to float up into the air. “Goodnight!”

The three watched him soar away, the red evening sunlight luckily camouflaging Pan’s slight blush. Once Regano was well out of earshot, Goku spoke up again.

“That’s weird.”

Trunks had a curious look on his face as well, and Pan was evidently the only one of the three not to pick up on why. “What?” She asked. “What’s weird?”

“That last thing he said,” Trunks pointed out. “About wherever our travels take us?”

“Yeah?” Pan still didn’t get it. “So what?”

“Well, he knows we can’t leave without the Dragon Ball,” Goku said. “Right?”
There you go. One short scene, not containing anything really spoilery because, well, I had intended for this to be in Chapter 16 originally, before I decided on a better cutoff point. I may post another one soon, if a particular scene strikes me as workable for it.

Also, another reminder to vote in the chapter title poll if you haven't already. Remember, I'm gonna keep it running up until the day I actually publish this bad boy.

The chapter itself is coming along great. I'm not going to make any specific time predictions because we all know how much that always jinxes things, but... soon. Very soon. I've got a piece of artwork I'd like to churn out BEFORE the chapter, as well, so at the very least you can look forward to that appearing in the next week or two.
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by CaBrPi » Sat Feb 02, 2013 3:10 am

One problem: would Goku really know what "escort" means? :P

Like, it does stick out, but I'm not sure if "guidin'," would have the same connotations you're going for.

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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by Sun-Wukong » Sat Feb 02, 2013 9:22 am

...there's a typo at the very beginning of the story. "Alright" is one word.
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by Kaboom » Sat Feb 02, 2013 10:50 am

CaBrPi wrote:One problem: would Goku really know what "escort" means? :P
Like, it does stick out, but I'm not sure if "guidin'," would have the same connotations you're going for.
I figure it's a common enough word that Goku would learn it from context eventually. At the very least, it's the kind of word Chi-Chi would probably use pretty often.
Sun-Wukong wrote:...there's a typo at the very beginning of the story. "Alright" is one word.
Hmm... Good thing the first five chapters or so are all due to be almost completely rewritten soon.
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Re: DragonBall GT Revised [fanfic]

Post by CashmanX » Sat Feb 02, 2013 1:39 pm

Kaboom wrote:
CaBrPi wrote:One problem: would Goku really know what "escort" means? :P
Like, it does stick out, but I'm not sure if "guidin'," would have the same connotations you're going for.
I figure it's a common enough word that Goku would learn it from context eventually. At the very least, it's the kind of word Chi-Chi would probably use pretty often.
He probably learned it from spending too much time with Kamesennin. :lol:
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